Jealousy Part 2

I have been jealous in my marriage. Yes, jealousy is a sin, and yes, I have committed it. At first, I was envious of the ideal marriage. As time has gone on, though, I have realized that I actually envy my husband.

My husband is very talented. He is very likable. He is very efficient. He knows oh, so many things. These are things I admire about him. These are also things I can envy, because I have fewer talents. I definitely have people who don't like me. I get distracted by many things. I know a few things, but am often incorrect, either totally and completely, or at least in the way I present them. Basically, my husband shows me up. He shows me that I am not perfect, and that hurts.

It hurts to envy my husband even more when I realize that I am sinning, breaking the Ten Commandments. Jealousy hurts me even more than that, too, because instead of celebrating my husband, I start competing with him. I stop cheering him on and try to start closing him out. Where we should be a team, I find myself keeping score. It's not pretty.

Jealousy leads me to resentment. Resentment further undermines our marriage. It's a nasty, ugly thing. The only way I have found (so far) to stop the jealousy is to start accepting myself. That hurts, because I don't like all of myself. This is who God made me to be, though. And my husband accepts me, so why shouldn't I accept myself?

My husband's talents benefit me, too. Can I not be grateful for them? I am proud of him! I hope and pray that can at least temper my jealousy as I work on myself.

Ah, jealousy. I definitely have work to do. Thank God for the relationship of marriage that shows that to me. May Jesus be glorified as I continue to confess my sin to the Lord and allow His Holy Spirit to work within my sinful heart.