Three Things That Got Me Through

As I reflect over this past year, I recognize many things I did wrong. Many ways I failed. Many things I could have done better. And I also see things that worked. Things that mattered. Things that gave life meaning. Among these were:

1) Sally's Baking Challenges: Something "silly" I picked up, but stubbornly managed to make my way through each month. The challenge instructions were sufficient to ensure sufficient success, and the completion of each challenge gave me a sense of confidence. The baking recipes also provided me with goodies to share with my neighbors, an "excuse" to form connections even while social distancing was the norm.

2) Hiking: I have written many times about the benefits of hiking. Hiking took on special value this spring and summer, however. At the height of the pandemic, it was one thing I could still do. Something that gave me a sense of accomplishment. Something that tired my body while helping my mind rest. An occasional way to connect with others, even if walking spaced apart and/or with masks. I started hiking more regularly when I realized the consequences to my mental health when I didn't do it. Meltdowns. More burnout. Less processing. As Abby Cannon stated in her episode of the Just the Good Stuff podcast, sometimes what we need is not more professional therapy, but more therapeutic activity (yoga for her). Hiking was that for me.

3) Blogging about marriage: Suffering is easier to endure when it has a purpose. Don't get me wrong; marriage is an incredible gift. This last year has been extremely difficult, however, in marriage and beyond. Being able to write and share about what God is teaching me has made it easier. Having people who read made my struggles feel more purposeful. And finding purpose in the struggle provided me with courage to endure.

What about you, readers? If you had to list three things you've taken away from this year, what would they be? What habits give meaning and purpose to your existence? What traditions or routines do you hope to carry from 2020 into 2021? I've listed mine above. Please share yours in the comment section below.

Hopelessness and Hope

“Hopelessness is the doorway to hope.” I’ve read that quote from Paul David Tripp twice in the past 24 hours. At face value, it seems rather harsh. Who wants to promote hopelessness as a way to hope? And yet the quote really resonates with me, both on personal and a professional level.

There was a time in my life when I was very hopeless and literally had no aspirations for the future. I remember doing an art therapy project (remember my post about going to therapy?) where I drew my feelings on a continuum and shaded it. I had literally no hope and all of life seemed blase and lacking in meaning. But that hopelessness was what led my parents to seek help for me, bringing both professionals and lay people into my life to restore my health and hope. It was one of the darkest seasons of my life, but going through that hopelessness helped make me who I am today.

On a professional level, I often wonder if I am making any difference. It’s not my job to tell people what to do, or even to demand that they find hope, but to sit with them at their darkest and support them if and when they want to crawl towards the light. It’s a high and hard calling, and walking in it often hurts. But if hope is the doorway to hopelessness, than maybe what I’m doing does matter. I’m being given the privilege to sit with people at their lowest, but when at their lowest, they are at the cusp of finding hope. How amazing is that?

I don’t really have a conclusion to this post, but maybe rather an encouragement to those reading. If you’re feeling hopeless, maybe you’re almost to hope. (If you are feeling suicidal at all, please reach out for help to the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-8255.) You’re realizing all the things that don’t work and being able to recognize and reach for what really matters. Ultimately, I pray that you find Jesus and salvation in Him, because He is the only way to freedom from hopelessness and eternal hope forever.

I've Been In Your Chair.

I've been in your chair. I've been in that place of darkness and depth and desperation (and sometimes I still find myself there). I've needed insight and help and encouragement and guidance and motivation. And people were there for me.

I've had several kids ask me why I do what I do over the past few years. Quite simply, I've been there. I went through a long period of darkness in my early teen years, and even into college and my early adulthood. (And I'm not saying I don't have dark days now. I do.) But I was in a period of life where I was incredibly self destructive, where I didn't believe anyone loved me, where all I saw was darkness, and I needed help. I needed professional help.

I went to a variety of professionals (both physical and mental practitioners) during that time. Some were helpful. Some were not. But the helpful ones, the counselors who propelled me towards the Lord and towards freedom were the ones that gave me information that made a difference. They were the ones who walked with me through hard times, who didn't tell me it was going to be okay, but who held hope for me that one day my life would be better. And praise the Lord, it is. Some of those people know where I am today. Some don't. But those who knew me then and know me now can testify that I am a different person.

As a counselor, I'm not saying I'm beyond counseling. I've been back to counseling several times since my intensive days, and I'm not against going again. As a Christian, I'm not saying that prayer and accountability and lay person encouragement don't make a difference, either. They do. But sometimes you just need professional help. You need an outside observer, an impartial party, someone you can yell at, and be angry at, and not have to be in an everyday relationship with. Someone who will help you process the hard things. Someone who can give you insight and perspective and guidance. Some days, I'm honored to be in that chair.

I've been in your chair. That's how I got to my chair. By God's grace, I'm a counselor. And if I'm your counselor, I'm honored to hold hope for you, because others once held hope for me. And by the Holy Spirit's power, I'll keep holding hope for you, and for a better world until Christ returns and makes all things new.

Metabolizing Trauma

My clinical supervisor and I had a discussion recently about trauma exposure and how it can decrease creativity. All that bad stuff we encounter? It just sits around and lingers if we don't process it. Often times, the bad in life (or in the world around us) is so bad that we just want to forget it, or let it go, or not acknowledge it. But we have to process it and let its after affects be part of us, or it can rule and wreck us.

So how do we metabolize trauma? I don't fully know. But I know it's necessary to have a vibrant and thriving life, especially with the work I do. So here's a starter list of ways I know I can work through trauma:

• Hiking
• Walking
• Yoga
• Movement in general (because it integrates both sides of the brain)
• Talking
• Drawing
• Writing (part of why I have this blog)
• Cooking
• Sleeping (but only if I do the work of processing afterward)

And I'm going to argue that processing often takes several of these methods, several times. And sometimes processing has to happen over the course of time. Because trauma has a way of re-emerging.

And processing takes action, deliberate action, and deliberate choice. But if I don't process, I'm in trouble. My relationships are in trouble. My work is in trouble. Because unmetabolized trauma causes toxic build up. And toxic build up is deadly.

On the other hand, metabolized by-products can be beneficial. The residual effects of trauma, the scars and wounds that have healed, can make us better people. The process of metabolizing trauma can make us stronger.

So let's do the work people. Let's figure out what works, and do more of it. Feel free to contact me, or comment below about additional ways to process trauma. We all need to do it, and the more methods, the better!

Pat's Run 2.0

Pat's Run number two is in the books! 

And we made an enjoyable weekend of it. Chris and I went down to Tempe Friday night to run a wedding errand. Then we picked up my race packet and went to dinner at Oregano's. 

It wasn't the most amazing food ever, and the environment was a little noisy, but we enjoyed our time nonetheless.

My Italian flag lasagna (Seriously, though, the garlic bread was the best part!)

Then we walked around Arizona Mills Mall. 

Look at this lego statue!

And made a quick walk through IKEA. I mean why not?

He went to his sister's house and I went to my trusty Drury Inn. Drury is expensive, but quality is consistent. I somehow got a king room with a whole office area. 

Too bad I was just there long enough to sleep and head out again!

The pre-race pinning of the bib!

Then it was race day! I got up at 5 am. Chris picked me up at 5:30 and we were off to the Metro parking. We rode the Metro and then walked to the race corrals at ASU stadium. Some of the vendors were already out of giveaways, but we still picked up a few goodies.

And took a pre-race photo.

I got into my corral about 6:45 am. I was in Corral 4 this year, which was way better than Corral 13 two years ago. There were still 1,000 people per corral, though (28,000 racers total).

This year, it felt a little cramped.

The road felt congested too.

But I heard the national anthem. Our corral was led by a University of Arkansas graduate, which was pretty cool, since I moved here from Arkansas. 

The end of the race felt a little hard this year. I drank a little water on the way, but I felt a little like I wanted to vomit by the end. Was I running too hard, or was it the heat? I don't know.

But I finished.

 And I found Chris. (He took this photo.) 

That equaled success with all the people that were there!

We waited awhile for the Metro, but that's okay. People in Corral 28 were getting off the Metro when we got to the station. Corral 18 was starting when I finished. I felt like we made good time.

Post race, we brunched at The Egg and I with Chris' sister and family. We only had to wait 25 minutes to get a table, and the food came out fast, so I felt it was a success.

My Hiker's Benedict

We went to a game store in Gilbert, came home, and I did stuff at home and then made dinner.

Cauliflower carbonara, boiled carrots with parsley, and homemade freezer garlic bread

I mean sunshine, movement, and cooking are therapy for me, so why not do them all on the same day? 

It was a good weekend. 

Thank you, Lord!

Hiking Is My Therapy.

Don't get me wrong. I believe in counseling, in the power of processing life with a paid professiona; in order to get back on track and move on in life. I've been to plenty of counseling in my own life and I am a counselor. But I've also found my own form of therapy: hiking.

Life's been heavy this year. I can't totally pin it on any one thing. Rather, this heaviness is a mixture of hard work, and tiredness, and sickness, and life events, and country events, and world events. Whew! The overwhelm I've felt is pretty immense. I can't ever quite seem to escape or process it all.

But then there's hiking. It's my new favorite form of self-care. Being outside is like a mental detox. I see the stillness of nature as I walk, and I become more still. I talk to people I care about and I'm reminded that I'm not the only one with struggles. I breath in. I breath out. I sweat. I get tired. And somehow, afterward, the world seems bigger and better and brighter.

There's legitimate science behind hiking being therapeutic. The physical activity causes crossing between the left- and right-brain, resulting in new connections and new learning. New insights can be found and events reconsidered. Pretty cool, right?

Is hiking the be-all, end-all therapy? No, but for me right now, it's working. And if/when I decide to go back for traditional counseling (because at some point I might want to get married, face trauma, or have burn-out), I'll still keep doing it, because I know it will accelerate my processing and growth.

So without further ado, a few pictures from recent hikes:

 Clark Spring

 Constellation Trails

 Mount Humphreys

Praise God for His beautiful creation and its therapeutic value!

Fight Songs for Facing Fear

Some time ago, I posted some of the songs for motivation. I'm still listening to those songs, but I have a few new favorites, so I thought I'd share:

"All In" by Matthew West

"The Breakup Song" by Francesca Batistelli

"Fear, He is a Liar" by Zach Williams

"Fearless" by Jasmine Murray

"Ready to Be Myself" by David Dunn

Yes, most of these songs have to do with fear. It's a real thing and something I'm battling on a daily basis. It must be a common enemy of others, too, if there are so many songs coming out about it. So, in retrospect, I should probably call this list my "fear fight song" list.

Songs for Motivation

Having some trouble getting motivated, I used my phone to listen to one of my favorite songs as I drove to work. Scouting out the parking lot and seeing no one, I listened to the song up to the door of work. And then I shut it off.

I've continued my "fight song" habit most days since then. I even put a special CD in my car to listen to on the hard days. You know what? It works. Music doesn't fix my day, but it's a way to reorient myself, to build in a small meditative, self-care practice during the day.

In case this practice interests you, I thought I'd share a few of my favorite motivational songs:

1) "Fix My Eyes" by For King and Country

2) "Brave" by Moriah Peters

3) "Unfinished" by Mandisa

4) "Not Over Yet" by For King and Country

What are you favorite motivational songs? Please share in the comments section.