Songs for Motivation

Having some trouble getting motivated, I used my phone to listen to one of my favorite songs as I drove to work. Scouting out the parking lot and seeing no one, I listened to the song up to the door of work. And then I shut it off.

I've continued my "fight song" habit most days since then. I even put a special CD in my car to listen to on the hard days. You know what? It works. Music doesn't fix my day, but it's a way to reorient myself, to build in a small meditative, self-care practice during the day.

In case this practice interests you, I thought I'd share a few of my favorite motivational songs:

1) "Fix My Eyes" by For King and Country

2) "Brave" by Moriah Peters

3) "Unfinished" by Mandisa

4) "Not Over Yet" by For King and Country

What are you favorite motivational songs? Please share in the comments section.

Janis Best Memorial Run

I ran another 5K today, the Janis Best Memorial Run. I've run on the Peavine Trail but I wanted to find a nice, flat, racing trail to offer to a friend. (She wanted to run up a hill, but I wimped out and this was my consolation offer.)

Here we are before the race. It was a bit chilly out, 47 degrees, but since we're in Arizona and the predicted high is 74 degrees, I decided to run in short sleeves. Therefore my race bib is concealed in this photo.

The race wasn't fancy. It was clock and not chip-timed, but that's okay. I'm not "in it to win it" (though some were). I just wanted to beat my own time.

I came in at 27:29 on my watch, but the board said 27:30 per my ever-supportive mom who came to watch me. I had trouble starting my watch, so 27:30 sounds about right.

To be honest, I've felt a little crappy about myself and my body lately, so I pushed myself in this race. I wanted to prove that I could still do this. That's not the best motivation ever, nor a rationale I'd recommend to other people, but I used it. The only problem now is that my new time to beat is even faster. I'm a perfectionist and I know that at some point, I'll tap out on how fast my body can actually run.

But for now, here's a fun post-race shot, and the t-shirt I got:

I'm thankful and grateful and I hope that I can keep working on my total health (mental, spiritual, emotional, physical, and relational). I enjoy running and races and getting faster, but I need to learn to be okay with myself with and without those things.

Thank God for Junkyards (And Dads Who Know How to Use Them)

My dad might be "blue collar," and without a four year college degree, but he is one of the smartest and hardest working men I know. When his truck broke down this weekend, he could have gotten angry and depressed and decided his business was out of commission. Instead, he got creative in finding ways to fix the truck. 

Dad made not one, but three trips to Phoenix (two plus hours away) this weekend to try to find parts at the truck dealer. He tore apart and rebuilt his truck multiple times in between. No luck. He remained positive he would find a way to fix his truck and serve his customers, however.

This morning, Dad figured out a way to serve his customers with a smaller truck, and he did it. Then he went to Phoenix this afternoon. In a junkyard, he found a part that *might* fix his big truck. He tore apart his big truck again this evening to install the part. Then he took the truck for a test drive. Praise the Lord, the truck runs and drives again!

People look down on "rednecks," and they might think my dad is one. I mean, he just fixed his truck with a junkyard part. But you know what? It worked. It saved his business money. It got his truck ready to service customers again tomorrow. It was a creative solution, better even than the part the dealership could have offered.

I thank God for junkyards tonight. I thank God for my dad. I thank God "redneck" ideas. They work!

Pride

I recently posted this photo of a 5K medal I received on Instagram. I almost didn't. I didn't want to boast. I didn't want to seem arrogant or proud or stuck-up. I was just thankful, and happy, and I guess proud of myself for what my body accomplished, but not in an, "I'm better than you" way.

(This is the medal I received in the mail from September's Patriot Run.)

I consulted with my mom before posting, and she said she thought it was okay. I put a lot of stock in what Mom says, so I posted. But I mulled over the issue of pride all night.

When is it appropriate to be proud? When is pride a sin? The Bible doesn't seem clear, calling pride a sin in some situations, but then using it to describe belief and self-confidence in other situations. Take a look at the verses below:

Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 11:2 
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

Romans 12:16
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

2 Corinthians 7:4 
I have spoken to you with great frankness; I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds.

Galatians 6:4 
Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else.

Is pride just bad when it preoccupies a person? When it begins to put self above others and God? When is it okay to be proud? Billy Graham's website says, "the kind of pride the Bible condemns is a pride that puts ourselves first, and leaves God out of the picture." Maybe that's why I tagged my Instagram post #thankful.

I struggle with extremes, as noted in my many posts about perfectionism. I think this is another area of it. I want to be a perfect Christian, to not come near sin. But in the process, I often demean myself. I don't give God gratitude for things He allows me to accomplish, like winning a medal in this 5K. And when I obsess about trying to be a perfect Christian by avoiding any possibility of sin, I feed into the lie that I can be good enough to earn my salvation. That says Christ's sinless sacrifice wasn't good enough to cover my sin. I don't even want to go there.

Where am I settling on pride? I am settling on the idea that it is okay to be proud of accomplishments, to give God glory for the ability to get things done on this earth. It's wrong to be proud and stuff things in the faces of others, to demean God's created beings by pretending I'm better than them. But it's also wrong, and prideful, to not share God's goodness, to hide His gifts and pretend like that makes me holy. It doesn't. It makes me stingy and ungrateful and lacking in confidence to do what God wants me to do.

So friends, where are you? What has God allowed you to accomplish? Celebrate it. Talk about it. But just don't forget to remember the God that got you there.

Comfort Objects

Some of you may have noticed the shark in my last afghan post, so I thought I'd tell his story. I selected sharkie from a collection of objects at a work training. I got to the table late, and there wasn't much left, so I took him. I figured there would be some "object lesson"attached to the object, so I tried to think of one that would go with him. To be honest, I didn't like his gray color, or his big eyes, or his teeth. I didn't like that fact that he belonged to a group of animals thought of as predators.

But as the day went on, and the training got long, I held onto sharkie. I squeezed him and petted his soft fur and played with his tag. At some point, there were questions about our objects, but I don't really remember them. I just know that by the time I got home, sharkie had become a comfort object.

What's a comfort object? It's an object that has emotional value, a transitional object that eases security. How items become comfort objects is unknown, different for every person, but they work. Children have them, and guess what? Adults do, too.

Sharkie became a comfort object because he soothed my anxiety during a long work training in which I needed to be still and quiet, but wanted to be anything but. When I got home, I left Sharkie out on my desk in the open, because I wanted to remember the calm he brought me. Sharkie is still here and every time I think about moving him, I decide not to do so. I may be an adult, but I still gain comfort from inanimate objects.

Taking a Day Off

Those of you who know me in real life know that I'm a chronic "doer." Over the past few weeks, though, I've pretty much done myself in. So when the opportunity came to clear my schedule and take a vacation day yesterday, I did. Sure, I felt a little guilty. Yes, I wondered if I could have made it another day. But when I woke up at 7:25 am instead of rolling over to turn off the 5 am alarm, I was glad I decided to take a break.

What have I done today? A whole lot of nothing. Well, I did change the sheets on my bed and do two loads of laundry. I did my physical therapy exercises. But those are things that needed to be done. Besides that, I fixed myself a nice breakfast and just allowed myself to sit.

I scrolled Instagram and watched a few YouTube videos. This one about Cole LaBrant's vows to his adopted daughter at the wedding to her mom is pretty sweet.

I did a little computer work (writing this blog, prayer verses, etc.). I wrote my family an e-mail.

I watched an Amazon Prime movie: Pitching Love and Catching Faith. (It was a mostly clean movie, but struck out on the faith aspect. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. I stayed in my pjs through lunch, more social media, and a nap. Then I finally changed into "real" clothes to go for a jog. Albeit at a slow place, I made it through three miles. This was my first jog in over a week. And I felt like I finally had some energy!

After jogging, I stretched and spent some time in my happy place. My best friend bought me that floor pillow, and it's awesome. There's something about sitting on the floor that makes me feel calm. My 25 cent library magazine and crochet were welcome companions for my quiet retreat.

Next came Thai food with middle school friends.

And then a wrap up of this blog post on the computer, nightly snack, and bed.

I like to be productive. I like to justify my days and my life. And yesterday was justifiable. Just not in the traditional sense. It was a needed break and a needed rest. I didn't get a lot done, but that's not what rest days are about.

Afghan 55

Another month, another afghan. I made it part of my self-care practice to try to crochet three rows a day in September. I achieved my goal most days. The problem was that this afghan was supposed to take only four hours. 

Instead the blanket took the month to made. Admittedly, neither the pattern nor the color are my favorite. The blanket is very imperfect, and I fear too big for more newborns.

The blanket is done now, though, and I can move on.

I am moving on in other areas, too, like with my dystonia. I have started physical therapy and though I am not sure it is helping yet, I am trying it. The last injection of botox did not really seem to have an effect, and I notice that it is harder to type and that I find my hand clenching more. It is a sure thing that I have lost strength in my right hand, as the physical therapy tests show that my right hand is 50% weaker than my left hand, and it should be about 10% stronger, as it is my dominant hand. So I'm working with hand putty and exercises daily, therapy twice a week, and continued inquiry into what is really going on. (Both hand therapists think I may have more nerve issues.)

I am thankful that I can crochet some for now, and I hope that this blanket will be a blessing to some baby in the future.