The Happiest Day of My Life

It’s been many months since that blissful (I mean nerve-wracking?) day. It seems like eons ago...the preparations, the family, the friends, walking down the aisle. That day, our wedding day, was a special day. It was a day of a lot of firsts. It was a day of a lot of change. But it was a good day, a special day, marrying the man I loved in front of so many people I loved. But that day wasn’t the happiest day of my life. A happier day had to come first.
The happiest day of my life is a day I actually don’t remember, the day I accepted Jesus as my Savior. The day I accepted Jesus was the day I changed from old to new. The day I accepted Jesus was the day I traded this temporal life for eternal life. The day I accepted Jesus was when the Holy Spirit filled me.

I wouldn't have met my husband had I not known Jesus. We wouldn't have been able to make the commitment of marriage without the model of Christ's love for the church. I wouldn't be able to keep on keeping on in the hard days of marriage without the conviction and power of the Holy Spirit.

My wedding day wasn't the happiest day of my life. But since marriage images Christ and the church, I’d say that my wedding day was the second happiest day of my life. My wedding day gave me a chance to participate in Christ in His glory and glorification here on this earth, and that's pretty awesome.

On Our Plates

Lots of seriousness lately on the blog, so to lighten it up, here's a post about some of our recent eats. Why do I post these? Quite simply, I get inspired by the "What I Eat" posts of others, and my hope is to share some good recipes to 1) commend their sources, and 2) possibly infuse new ideas into the lives of the dinners of my reader. So without further ado, enjoy, and eat up!

*Caveat: These are the good recipes. We don't eat well all the time. We have plenty of flops and fails and "I wouldn't do this again meals."

Breakfast:

Healthier biscuits and gravy (101 Cooking For Two)

Scallion potato pancakes (Fit Foodie Finds)

Apple cinnamon baked oatmeal (Running on Real Food)

*This was technically part of my nighttime snack bowl, but it's breakfast food nonetheless.

Lunch:

Big-batch Instant Pot white beans (Epicurious)

Dinner:

Easy Caprese Brie pasta (Delish Knowledge)

Instant Pot chicken fajita rice (365 Days of Crockpot)

Spicy tuna sushi bowl (Neighbor Food Blog)

Desserts:

The best chocolate chip cookies recipe (Pinch of Yum)

On repeat with all different kinds of baking chips....

And that's a wrap!

Any favorite new recipes of yours, friends? Please share in the comments section!

To All My Single Sisters

As a single woman, I felt pretty insecure. I never dated, never had a boyfriend, never even had anyone ask me out. And that made me doubt my worth. My dad and brothers tried to encourage me by saying I hadn't found anyone was because I was "stand-offish." I didn't buy it. I acted like I didn't care, but I did. At my core, I wondered if I'd never found someone because I was unlovely and unlovable. 

Now that I am married, I see God's providence in my relationship history, or lack thereof. Had I had a past and been "validated" by men, I would have more baggage. I would have comparisons for my now wonderful husband. I would potentially have people and places in my life that would bring back wounds, or cause wounds to my husband. Praise the Lord, I don't have any of that. (But don't get me wrong, being single for so long has baggage of its own. My husband and I are still working and will ever be working through the stuff that we brought to marriage, because that's what marriage is, continually working to put ourselves aside and become one.)

So I want to speak to all my single sisters out there. If you're like me, and have never dated or had anyone express interest in you, don't doubt your value. You are inherently valuable because you are a beloved daughter of the Most High King. I know that sounds trite, and I thought that when people told that to me, but it's true. And if you're single, wanting a relationship, maybe the fact that you aren't in one right now is God's providential saving of you for the right one. And maybe there is not a "right one." Maybe God is robing you in his righteousness and keeping you single and pure for the special calling He has for your life. Maybe you don't feel called to be married. That's okay, too.

But...Never. Doubt. Your. Worth.

Men are valuable. A godly (though imperfect) husband is a great gift. But lacking (or having) one says nothing about your value.

So press in, single friends. Press in to who God made you to be. Learn who you are. If you can, learn to tolerate and even love who you are. Because you, right now, right where you are, are secure. Secure in Christ and who He made you to be. The Great King On High defines your worth. And it is He who guides and provides and gives and even changes the desires of our hearts. Praise to Him.

Hopelessness and Hope

“Hopelessness is the doorway to hope.” I’ve read that quote from Paul David Tripp twice in the past 24 hours. At face value, it seems rather harsh. Who wants to promote hopelessness as a way to hope? And yet the quote really resonates with me, both on personal and a professional level.

There was a time in my life when I was very hopeless and literally had no aspirations for the future. I remember doing an art therapy project (remember my post about going to therapy?) where I drew my feelings on a continuum and shaded it. I had literally no hope and all of life seemed blase and lacking in meaning. But that hopelessness was what led my parents to seek help for me, bringing both professionals and lay people into my life to restore my health and hope. It was one of the darkest seasons of my life, but going through that hopelessness helped make me who I am today.

On a professional level, I often wonder if I am making any difference. It’s not my job to tell people what to do, or even to demand that they find hope, but to sit with them at their darkest and support them if and when they want to crawl towards the light. It’s a high and hard calling, and walking in it often hurts. But if hope is the doorway to hopelessness, than maybe what I’m doing does matter. I’m being given the privilege to sit with people at their lowest, but when at their lowest, they are at the cusp of finding hope. How amazing is that?

I don’t really have a conclusion to this post, but maybe rather an encouragement to those reading. If you’re feeling hopeless, maybe you’re almost to hope. (If you are feeling suicidal at all, please reach out for help to the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-8255.) You’re realizing all the things that don’t work and being able to recognize and reach for what really matters. Ultimately, I pray that you find Jesus and salvation in Him, because He is the only way to freedom from hopelessness and eternal hope forever.

He Had More Faith Than I Did

When we started this whole moving journey, I was in favor of exploring options, of seeing what a move might look like. But when the pieces started to fall into place, I got scared. I didn’t believe. My husband, on the other hand, had faith.
I didn’t believe the condo deal would go through. He kept saying he was confident it would. When I couldn’t transfer with my job like I thought I could, I was confident that I could find a new job. But when we decided to turn down one job offer to wait for a second interview at a place we felt was a better fit, I worried. He kept telling me the company wouldn’t ask for a second interview if they weren’t serious. I wasn’t even sure about the job after the second interview, but he reassured me. Here we are, three months after this whole thing started, living in the only condo we offered on, with me working at the job we chose as best. God is good.
A dear friend told me that we need to pray for our husbands to lead well, because sometimes their leadership is all we need to walk in faith. Her words were wise. My husband had more faith than I did. And maybe he always has. Maybe that is part of the reason God, in His goodness, gave him to me.

The Other Shoe

We had enjoyed a good morning at church. We had just eaten lunch and I was looking forward to a nap and an afternoon of rest. And then the knock came, "Can you check your hot water heater?" Our neighbor asked. "There is a leak downstairs."

My husband went to work, and sure enough, our water heater was leaking, big time. We'd just had a series of major expenditures, and now this.

"Great," I thought. "Now I won't get a nap. Now we have to spend more money. When's the next shoe gonna drop?"

My husband did a lot of draining and mopping and cleaning. And then we went to Home Depot. We realized we could not fix the problem now, so he put in a temporary fix and at his insistence, I lay down to take a late nap. As I lay there, I thought, 

You know, maybe it's good when the other shoe drops. That firmly plants both my feet on the ground. I know more about what I'm dealing with and can take it to the Lord in prayer. I can start learning how to cope. I can call on others to pray with me. I can ask for help.

That thought was extremely comforting then, and continues to be now. Maybe I need to stop fearing the other shoe. Maybe I need to work more on grounding myself in God and in His word. 

When's the next shoe going to drop? Who knows. Life is full of struggle, and always will be until Jesus returns or calls us home. But God, in His word, promises to provide for all of our needs. That's firm ground, ground I want to stand on with both feet.

Real Life Marriage: Fair Doesn't Mean Equal.

Photo by Sharon Lane

"Fair doesn't mean equal." I first read this phrase in a book by Dr. Ross W. Greene, a book about parenting. I had no children, so I didn't really apply it to my life. But then I read something on Paige Schmidt's blog about how marriage is never 50/50. The longer I have been married, the more I realize this is true. We can love each other and have a fair and equitable relationship without things being exactly 50/50. Let me elaborate.

Sometimes I do all the cooking. Sometimes he does more. Sometimes I clean the house. Sometimes he joins in. Sometimes he has to do house maintenance and I don't have the expertise to help. Sometimes I work more at my job and he works less. Sometimes I'm the one holding down the home fort while he runs around putting out fires. Sometimes I do the grocery shopping. Sometimes he does. Sometimes I pray before our meals. Sometimes he leads. I can get frustrated or resentful or bitter when things seem "unequal," but in the end, marriage is not all about equality. We believe in the equal worth of one another, but equal tasks just don't work out.

Gender roles come into play somewhat when it comes to things that need to be done in our family. Certain things just work better based around skills or abilities and likes or dislikes. I like to grocery shop and do laundry (within reason!), so I tend to do those more. He is better at directions and driving and tech stuff and house maintenance. So when he can, he does those things. But tasks and the time committed to them vary. And sometimes we just have to do something we aren't good at because it has to be done.

Gender comes into serious play when it comes to our marital roles, however. Biblically, his job is to lead. Mine is to submit. His job is to fight for and protect our family. Mine is to support. So when it comes to "menial labor" jobs, yeah, I might sometimes do more, but that's because that's my job. I in no way want the job of being the face of the family and making all the big decisions. There's a whole lot of accountability to God in that! I do not envy my husband's responsibility for our family.

Above all else, I think service is the most important concept when it comes to "balance" in our marriage. Christ is the ultimate example of that. When I remember that love is means service, I am less likely to feel slighted when we are in a season of me doing more of something. I serve because Christ served me, not because I am expecting something in return. I serve because that's my bibilical role. And I am accountable to God for that! Life isn't all about equality. 

Fair doesn't mean equal. That's true in life, and in marriage. Our marriage is fair because we value and love each other and put Christ first. That's the end of the story, and the ongoing story.

To God be the glory.

Midnight Madness

Two 5K’s back-to-back? Running at 10:30 pm and 12:10 am? No sweat. It’ll be fun! That’s what I thought when we signed up. The races were fun, or at least novel (not to be confused with a novelty race), but they weren’t easy, or pain free. Number one, I haven’t pushed my runs in awhile. Number two, I’m not a night person. Number three, we moved to a warmer location, so my body isn’t used to running in the cold. Results? A hard run and maybe a new PR, but I was sore!

I haven’t run as much since my half-marathon. (Granted, I needed some time off.) Then we hiked the Grand Canyon and my foot hurt. And then we moved and traveled, leaving my body very worn out. I only walked for the first few weeks after we moved, and then I started running again. I went on some longer runs, even up to 5.5 miles, the pre-10K training distance, and I thought I’d be fine, but I haven’t been running fast or hard. I intended to keep up with our friend running 8:15 miles at a higher elevation. Right out the gate, I knew I couldn’t keep up. And I was pushing it to come in at 25:35. That was 8:13 a mile, but it didn’t feel good, and I didn’t super enjoy it. I’m just competitive with myself and wanted to run fast.

I don’t run at night. I’m normally in bed asleep by 10:30 pm, so running that late wasn’t great. I’ve normally eaten a big snack by then, but since I was running, I’d just had dinner and a lonely muffin. So I wasn’t well fueled. I felt nauseous after that first race and didn’t do more than sip some water and toast with apple cider before the second race.

I don’t run much in the cold anymore, or at least when I’m rapidly taking in cold air. My chest hurt during this one. I also got several stitches. I tried breathing out, but as noted above, felt nauseous. It might be because I’d eaten too close to the start of the race. But I was hungry....

I finished 4/8 in my age group for the first run. For the second run, we stuck together with friends for a run/walk. I finished 14/14 for that race (and behind my husband and our friends). It hurt to run starting out, so the walking was probably good for me. The group gathered up a sprint at the end; but I didn’t have what they had in me. (Maybe I should do some speed work? But I don’t like it.)

We finished two 5Ks in two days, though. We got some cool medals. We spent time with friends. My husband and I got close to crossing a finish line together. (As noted above, he beat me in the sprint.) All in all, it was a cool experience.

Would I run this race again? Maybe. If it was with my husband and the right people. But running the race for running’s sake? No, that’s kind of madness. Midnight madness!