"One day, some day," I thought to myself, "I will have a day when I don't lose it on my husband." And immediately afterward, I thought, "But maybe I won't. Losing it keeps me humble."
I love my husband. I really do. I want to be a good wife. And I try, sometimes. But other times, I just lose it. I really do. I snap at him because I'm running late. I get onto him when he's not perfect (even though it's really my expectations that are the problem, not his). I get frustrated because he fixes dinner late, when I am late making dinner almost every time. I see flaws in him and point them out, even though I have those same weaknesses, and probably worse. I am not trying to make myself sound like a bad person. I am a sinner. That's just that.
God has blessed me in that he has given me a husband who shows me grace time and time again. That grace also humbles me, especially because it's another thing I lack. Day by day, though, it reminds me of God's grace, of his goodness. It reminds me that though I will always be a sinner, there is always grace to cover me.
Do I want to be a better wife? Yes! Do I hope that God will continue to conform me to his image and root out more and more sin? Yes. It is about progress, though, not perfection, and that process keeps me humble. Cognitively, I know I will not be a perfect wife, no matter how hard I try. Maybe one day, I will reach my goal of not snapping at my husband for a day, but even then, I will probably do it the next day, or soon after.
Thank God for his goodness and grace. Thank God for a husband who shows me the same. Thanks, God, for a marriage that keeps me humble, even if I don't like it, when I don't like it. I want to keep growing in my marriage, and if humility is what it takes to do that, may I rely on God's strength to keep walking in it. Amen.
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