Real Life Marriage: Watching the World Burn

Twenty five years. Fifteen years. Ten years. One year. The length of marriages I have watched burn in the last few years. Each fire has hit hard, with profound sadness, with a deep sense of grief, with anger, and with a measure of fear for my own marriage. If these commitment have fallen, what is the fate of my own marriage? Some of these marriage have not had Jesus, whom I argue is the glue that holds everything together, but still. What about my marriage? When the world of marriage around me is burning, what is there to keep mine from catching fire, too?

Sure, we chose covenant marriage. That counts for something. If nothing else, it would force us to get some solid counseling before we made any rash decisions about ending our marriage.

We have three sets of parents who have each been married over 25 years. That is special. We do not inherit a marriage, though. Our marriage is our own.

We got to church. We have unofficial marriage mentors, people I think would step in if we needed them, but they are definitely not there in an official sense. I know our church would call us out if we wanted to end our marriage, but getting exiled from the church has not changed the fate of other marriages in our body.

Much of our marriage is ultimately out of my control. The best I can do is to commit myself to it, and to daily practices that keep it healthy. That means taking care of myself so that I can be in a good place physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It means continuing to go to counseling to work on my issues. It means treating my husband with love and respect. It means seeking to eternally learn about him and about ways to improve our marriage. It means keeping up with dates, even if I have to be the one to plan them. It means sticking to these "little" things so as to provide protection against "big" things.

At the end of the day, my marriage is a commitment before God. Good, bad, or ugly, so help me God, I plan to keep it. If my husband feels the same (and he does), our marriage will stand, but only on that fireproof foundation of the Lord's help. That is the ONLY way, because He is THE WAY.