Heartbreak

Heartbreak hurts. Caring about someone or something only to lose it or have it taken away is exceedingly painful. Yet heartbreak is good in that it shows the ability of the heart, that it can care. Heartbreak can also show what is in the heart, though, and that can be good, or bad.

Heartbreak tends to reveal the best and worst of people. It binds together, or it divides. It shows strength of character, or it shows the utter depravity of man. Heartbreak is so painful that it seems there are few in-betweens, only the extremes.

Heartbreak is also an opportunity, though. It is a chance to shore up weak vessels, to strengthen resources, to deeply soak up what really matters. Anne Lamott tells the following story in her book, Further Thoughts on Faith, and it has stuck with me. “There's a lovely Hasidic story of a rabbi who always told his people that if they studied the Torah," she writes, "it would put Scripture on their hearts."

"One of them asked, 'Why on our hearts, and not in them?'"

"The rabbi answered, 'Only God can put Scripture inside. But reading sacred text can put it on your heart, and then when your hearts break, the holy words will fall inside.'"

I don't like heartbreak any more than the next person, but what if I saw it as an opportunity: not just to see "the real me," but to soak up the good stuff, to soak up God's love and grace and wisdom and healing. I don't want to pursue heartbreak just for this sake, but since it's bound to come to me, why don't I look for God in it? Why don't I study the Scriptures that tell me of God more? Why don't I ask for and even invite God to come in?

Heartbreak, sooner or later, comes for all of us. We can decide what to do with our broken hearts, though. We can decide how we tend to them, with the medicine of the world, or the medicine of The Word. May we make the best choice, for God's glory and our good. Amen!

Reference:

Lamott, A. (2000). Traveling mercies: some thoughts on faith. First Anchor Books edition. New York, Anchor Books, a division of Random House, Inc.

Three Reasons Why Happiness Is Hard

I used to think that happiness came easily, without effort. In fact, I think I defined happiness by its unwilled nature. But is that truly the case? Does happiness always come without work? I've come to believe lately that happiness is often hard. Here are three reasons why:

1) Sometimes our brains don't have what they need. Happiness requires both an activating event and a brain response. Sometimes our brains don't have what it takes to respond in a way that makes us feel happy, that is, the chemicals that happy antecedents should trigger don't come. This is why I personally believe that medication is sometimes necessary. Sometimes our brains need help to work the way that God-intended. Taking medication can have its own side effects, though. It can be hard, especially is a culture that still casts shame on mental health struggles. But the hard of medication, short- or long-term may be what is required to actually feel happy.

2) Happiness itself can bring with it feelings of guilt. In the midst of hard times, it can feel bad, even wrong to have happiness. When loved ones die, when people are in, when we are in the midst of a pandemic, happiness feels out of place. I think that's one of the reasons God gave us happiness, though, to sustain us in times of trial. It is hard to let happiness come when it feels like all we should feel is pain, but we should let it, because it may be that happiness that gets us through.

3) Fear can come in tow. It can be scary to feel happiness, because if we let ourselves have it, we acknowledge that we may soon not have it. Some of us would rather live in the expected hard than cope with the pain that comes from the ebb and flow of happiness. There isn't really a fix here, other than to acknowledge the fear and feel happy anyway. To live in fear is no way to live.

Is happiness worth it? Yes, I think it is. But happiness is also hard. I think if we acknowledged that, we might work a little more to achieve happiness, and in so doing, increase our appreciation of it.

The Power of the "&"

I am a counselor. But I am a young one, and an inexperienced one at that. And that's why I appreciate supervision, and supervisors, the older, wiser women who watch what I do and point out how I can do it better. Lately, my supervisors have pointed out how often I use the word, "But."

"Yes, but."
"But have you thought of."
"But you're making progress.":

"But is a dismissive word," they say. And as I've listened, I've realized they're right. But leaves room for only one option. And many, many things in life co-exist. Like joy and grief, like happiness and sorrow, like hard and good. The more and more I think about it, the more I realize the power of the "and."

My own life presently is full of ands. The goodness of marriage and the pain of its growth. The fulfillment of my work and the sorrow it brings. The excitement of what's ahead and the sadness of what I will leave. The pleasantness of friends and the way they call me out on my weaknesses and failings. The gracious salvation of Jesus and the conviction of the Holy Spirit. The joy of this present world, and yet intense longing for the one to come.

There's power in the and, friends. There is power in letting seeming opposites co-exist. Difficulty comes with the "but," because it leaves no space for all the complexities that are life.

So here's to the "&", and using it more, in work, life, and beyond!

The Difference Between Happiness and Joy

Happiness and joy. Joy and happiness. I always wrestle with these two. Happiness is fleeting. Joy endures. Happiness is more of an emotion. Joy is more of a state of being, a choice. I always say I want joy, but that reality is that I want happiness, too. At times I've felt a little more happiness, I've felt almost guilty, like I should have joy instead. But what's really the difference between happiness and joy?

As I've thought about joy and happiness more lately, I've thought about how joy really can't exist without some pain. I don't really have to choose joy when I'm feeling happy. Happiness is just a pure feeling of exhilaration, bliss, contentment. Joy, on the other hand, exists because something has been hard. It's the sunshine from beyond the shadow, the belief that there is beauty in the pain, finding purpose in the waiting. Joy hopes. Joy has faith. Joy is strength. Happiness just is.

Happiness isn't bad, I've realized. It is a gift I need to recognize and appreciate, without feeling guilty for it. Happiness is like an adrenaline shot that brings attention to our joy and re-infuses it with energy. It has a purpose, and it's a good one.

So this year, let us hold joy and happiness in the same hand, and let us pursue both. May we not shun sorrow, for it promotes growth, a greater sense of joy, and perhaps a greater enjoyment of our purely happy moments. May we see life in its entirety, happiness, joy, and sorrow, as a gift, because that is what life is.