Afghan 76

Afghan 76! A different pattern with a bit of texture, and overall, it worked up pretty fast. And the edging went well, a rarity for me. (See my struggles here.)

Pattern: Baby crochet blanket pattern (My Poppet Makes)

Hook: size J Boye ergonomic crochet hook

Yarn:

Impeccable solid yarn by Loops & Threads in skylight

Mainstays white

Size: 32 inches wide by 42 inches long

Is God Still Good?

My husband has battled some scary health things these past few years. I haven't talked about them because they were not my battles. They did affect me, though. They frightened me. They caused me to feel anxious and worried. I could not go to appointments with my husband because of COVID restrictions, so each time he went to the doctor, I would eagerly await his texts giving me the updates. One morning, while sitting reading my Bible, I received his text about a potentially life-altering diagnosis. My stomach dropped. But then I looked down at my Bible, down to the Psalm of the day. What was it? Psalm 136, which starts, "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good" (New International Version, 2011, Ps. 136:1). And I asked myself, "Can God still be good if this is true?"

I had to wrestle with myself for a bit. I knew that the Bible was true. I knew that I had to believe all of it was true, or none of it was true. Honestly, I could not live if it was untrue. Still, reckoning with my husband's potential diagnosis and the goodness of God proved difficult. I had to remind myself constantly that God could be good, even if circumstances were not good. God could still provide, give peace, sustain, and lead in wisdom. He would still be God, even if my husband had this diagnosis.

In the end, the doctors treated my husband for the condition, but it does not look as serious as initially suggested. My husband is doing well and may not even have the problem. God is good! God is good not because my husband's good health is progressing, though. God is good because He is God, and perfect goodness is inherent in His character. I pray that I can remember this when the next hard thing comes, because it will. Life is full of hardship, just as God is full of goodness sufficient to face it.

Reference:

New International Version. (2011). BibleGateway.com. http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/

You Can't Rush the Downhill

My friend C. Salena (2019) coined the phrase "Truth on Trails." Here's another edition, this time from a recent hike where I did not really have a precise plan. I just wanted to hike up one trail and loop back on another. It's been a while since I hiked these trails, and I did not remember them well. I was pretty sure I was going the right way, but there sure were a lot of ups and downs. By the third or fourth or fifth one, I really wanted to be done and back to my car.

As I picked my way down yet another rocky descent, I thought to myself, "You can't rush the downhills." Go too fast, and I risked falling, face-planting, and possibly even sustaining a severe injury, none of which I wanted. I just had to watch my feet, and slowly, steadily make my way down the trail.

I thought about the downhills of life as I gingerly made my way. I dislike hard times. I hate struggles. When they come, I just want to power through them and be done. That's not the way life works though. That's not the way God works. We learn through struggles (Rom 5:2-5; James 1:2-4). We gain strength through trials. God sanctifies us in and through fire. It's not pleasant. It's not pretty, but it generally works out for our good when God is behind it.

There are certainly times when our struggles, the downhills of life, are due to our own poor choices (as in the instance of addictions, substance use, infidelity, etc.). That's not what I am talking about here, though. I'm talking about the hard times that come, not because anything we have or have not done, but just because life is hard, and difficult.

Rush the downhills, increase the possibility of hurt. Try to speed through, and maybe miss the lessons God is trying to teach me, and potentially have to go through this again. Rush the downhills, and miss the dexterity learned from careful foot placement. Hurry up and miss some of the glories of home when I get there.

I don't like the downhills, in hiking, or in life. I don't have to. What I do need to do is be present in them, giving care and prayer to my way so that I may grow and learn through them. In God's providence, may it be so.

Reference:

She Say Speak [@SheSaySpeak]. (2017, November 5). Taking the way that creeped me out allowed me to see something so beautiful it distracted me from fear and [Photograph]. Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/p/BbH4PjoALm6/

How I Talk About My Marriage

It might surprise people that I talk to my mom so much about my marriage. In many situations, this would not be wise. With the blessing of having a mom that follows Jesus and believes in my marriage, however, it works for me. Still, I try to take care about how I talk about my marriage.

When I go to my mom, I try to talk about my struggles. My husband is not perfect, but I am only in control of me. Therefore, I talk to my mom about me. I talk to her about the sins I see in myself and ask her advice about how to combat them. I ask her about how to be a better support to my husband. I deal with my side of the equation.

I try not to talk to my mom about things I think my husband has done wrong. I try not to speak ill of him. This is good practice for me, as it helps me focus on edifying talk. I think it is also important because I want my parents on the side of my marriage. To speak ill of my husband to my mom could potentially bias her towards me, and that is not the point.

Is it right to talk to my mom about any and every situation? No. My husband is my head, and when it comes to life decisions, I need to seek the Lord and seek my husband first. Mom is no longer my authority. If my husband and I both want to go to her and my dad for advice about a particular decision, however, they welcome it.

Other things are just personal things. My husband and I differ from my parents on some topics, and that is okay. I do not need to get parental approval. What I need is support, and spurring on towards godliness. That is my what my mom gives me when I go to her in the right ways.

Am I perfect in the way that I talk about my marriage? No. I am thankful that my mom understands this, and calls me on non-productive talk when she hears it. This is one of the reasons I continue to talk to her, because even in her talk about my talk, she challenges me to be more godly, and isn't that I what I am seeking?

My Primary Source of Marriage Wisdom

I go to my mom a lot about marriage issues. It did not start out that way. In fact, in the beginning of my marriage, I tried not to talk to my parents about my marriage. Now, nearly four years in, my mom is the primary person to whom I go.

They say that a person marries someone a lot like his or her opposite gender parented. I never thought that my husband was like my dad, until I realized he was a lot like my dad. He and my dad are great men, but very different from my mom and I. When I go to my mom with marriage questions, therefore, she often has great answers, because she has lived a long time with a similar type of person.

My mom is for my marriage, too. My parents made it very clear when I got married that they were no longer for me, but for us. That remains when I seek out marriage wisdom from my mom. Most of the time, she calls me on my own sin, and my need to show grace for my husband. Sometimes, often, this advice hurts, but it is accurate, and needed.

Mom is practical. She often reminds me of the simple foundations of marriage that I forget. She tells me that things are probably not as bad as they seem. She reminds me that marriage is a blessing, and a gift.

Mom does not pretend to have all the answers. Most of the time, she ends her answers to my questions with a call to seek the Lord. Though in heaven, He is the ultimate source of marriage wisdom.

Having my mom as a source of wise counsel for my marriage is invaluable! It is a gift I dare not take for granted. She loves the Lord. She loves me. She loves my husband. She loves my marriage. There are many reasons to celebrate her, but this is the one I choose today.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!
I love you!

Real Life Marriage: A Really Special Day

Weekend birthdays really are the best! This birthday was especially special because my husband had the day off work and got to spend the day with me.  This is a real life marriage post because it explores what my husband did for me, and why it mattered, but also flat out, just a husband appreciation post, and I am okay with that.

Ways my husband made my birthday special:

1) He greeted me with a, “Happy birthday” in the morning. Words matter to me, and these words showed me that he knew what day it was and why it was important, which made me feel important.

2) He tended to simple tasks, like pouring water for our breakfast, which made the morning more one of ease for me.

3) He cleaned the house before 11 am. This is normally mostly my job, and it bothers me until it's done. He did all of it.

4) He did chores I really dislike (like compost, garbage, and recycles) quickly and efficiently.

5) He gave me handcrafted gifts (that I am super excited to use)!

6) He chauffeured me to all the places I wanted to go (because I really dislike driving, especially in the city).

7) He let me take a nice, long nap (even though I could have been doing other "productive things," or spending time with him.

8) He helped me open my birthday packages (which is hard for me with my focal dystonia, plus I just had an injection).

9) He went to a community event with me (even though he was not super interested in it).

10) He took sunset photos with me (not his favorite, but important to me).

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My husband pretty much loved me in all the languages (words of appreciation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, and gifts). But you know what meant the most to me? That cleaning the house piece. It really set the stage for me to have a restful, free-feeling day, and it really was the best! God really did give me the best husband for me, a husband who recognizes things like this, and cares for me accordingly. I am so thankful, for my husband, and for such a beautiful day!

Celebrating a Birthday on the Cheap

I think that having a budget is important for everyone, no matter how much they make. Budgeting is especially important in our house right now, however, as we live off one income in an attempt to accomplish some life goals. Hence celebrating my birthday on the cheap. Yes, we could have set aside more money for celebrating, but I enjoy the thrill of chasing down a deal, so that's what I did. Here are tips if you want to do what I did:

1) Make time for things you love. One of those things for me is running. It doesn't cost anything, but I do need time for it. Cost of carving out that time: $0 

2) Sign up for loyalty rewards. Yes, the e-mails are pesky, but you get free stuff. For me, this was a small pillar candle. Value: $13. Cost to me: $0

3) Take advantage of free birthday meals. Yes, you might have to pay for your spouse and/or children, but you still save money. Value of hamburger: $5.84. Cost to me: $0. Cost of spouse's meal: $8.09

4) Add your birthday to earn points. Crumbl cookies is one business that gives you a freebie for doing so. Value of cookie: $5.30. Cost to me: $0. Cost of spouse's cookie: $5.30

5) Order yourself things you need, and save them to open on your birthday. I needed running shoes, which were not cheap, but a "gift," that is special. Cost of running shoes to the celebration budget: $0. Joy of opening: immense. Cost to my running budget: we won't talk about it (but I had enough in the fund to cover it).

6) Look for local free events. We are fortunate enough to have a university by us that frequently hosts events. This one was not spectacular, but it got us outside for an enjoyable evening.

Total spent on my birthday: $13.39 (plus gas)

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I think I accomplished my goal, and I enjoyed doing it! If you are a fellow cheap-ster, please share free or low cost ways you celebrate below. If you are looking for more resources about birthday freebies, I suggest the website Hey, It's Free!