Acting Differently

I think I finally resolved all my car accident stuff. I think. I hope. It was a lot of back and forth between doctors, and insurance agents, and other insurance agents. Quite honestly, it was frustrating, even infuriating at times, but I think it's over. I hope.

Resolving the car accident settlement required being in a conference call between the insurance agent and a doctor's office. The providers weren't very polite to each other. I felt uncomfortable. I don't like rudeness. I tried not to be rude on my dealings with them, though I sometimes felt rude.

I finally got the paperwork. I signed it. I settled my case. (I hope. I pray. I think.) And then I found myself angry, really angry. In my flesh, I wished I had demanded more of the insurance company. I have spent a lot of time on this. Doesn't that count for something? I wanted to write a scathing review of a provider that I did not think served me well. I would not recommend them to others. I was so frustrated! And yet I felt convicted. Convicted that I had done the right thing by asking for coverage of my medical expenses, but not pain and suffering. Convicted that writing a bad review of a provider would not be Christlike. Convicted that I am supposed to "conduct [myself] in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ" (New International Version, 2011, Phil 1:27). I think sometimes I think that is easy. It's not.

I am not here to preach about what is right or wrong in dealings with the world. I am just here to share that though I want to live in a way that elevates Jesus, living like Him is not easy. It's a lot easier to live like the world, living for myself and my desires. To do otherwise is to fight myself, and often, to fight hard.

I think I finally resolved all my car accident stuff. I think. I hope. I pray. And I pray that I might have witnessed to the power of the gospel in the process, because it was only Christ in me that kept me from acting differently, and yet differently in a way that I pray could only point to something supernatural.

Reference:

New International Version. (2011). Bible Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/

"Live As So To Be Missed"

My father underwent major surgery two weeks after Memorial Day. The surgery itself was not unexpected, but the timing was. We had just visited, and then my dad was hospitalized and operated on. We did not have a chance to visit again before his procedure.

As Dad faced serious surgery, I reflected back on our last interactions. He gave me a pep talk about life Saturday afternoon. He told me that my work mattered. He encouraged me to make my home a safe place. He exhorted me to honor and respect my husband and listen to what my husband says. In the moment, I was not fully listening, as I was struggling to fully believe what he said. I wish now that I would have recorded it, though. He was giving me encouragement and wise counselor, and I value it.

The day/meal before we left, Dad hurried us away from the table, asking him to let him clear the table. It was his "job," he said, and we needed to leave. He was correct that we needed to leave to get back home, but we could have taken our plates to the sink. Instead, he served us by doing that task.

My dad texted our family a quip from his mom shortly before surgery. He said, "Live as so to be missed." I hoped that was not his last words to us, and thankfully, they weren't, but it told me how my dad wanted to live his life.

As I reflect with gratitude on still having my dad this Father's Day, I am interpreting Dad's words a little differently. Following his example, I want to learn to live more in the moment, not to miss the moments of life we are given. I was not fully present the last time I talked at length with my dad before surgery. That next conversation was not guaranteed. Really nothing about life is guaranteed.

Dad, I am thankful that you are still with us, and we will miss you terribly when the Lord says it is your time to go. You do live in a way that encourages us, challenges us, and points us to Jesus. Thank you! We love you!

It's a Small World!

There are millions of people in the world, tens and thousands of people in the cities where we lives, and hundreds we interact with through church and work. Still, somehow, it's a small world.

When I went to college, we discovered that my out-of-state's roommate's dad and my uncle went to college together. Later, I sang in choir with, and shared a house with. a girl whose dad went to school out of country with my mom. That girl married the son of another former classmate of my mom's.

In adulthood, I've had more than one (not) coincidental connection with someone. When my (now) husband and I made our dating relationship Facebook official, we discovered that one of my high school classmates was friends with his cousin. As I listened to a friend tell me about someone she was dating online, I realized that I went to college with him. Recently, my husband had a professor who graduated from the same small school as me in the same year. It's certainly a small world, and probably even smaller when we consider the family of God. What's cool about that is that we really are close to those people, because the Bible says that we are brothers and sisters in the body of Christ. As such, we should look for and foster connections because someday, those people will make up the sum of our home in heaven.

Real Life Marriage: Before and After

I hardly recognize the girl I was four years ago. It's not that I don't remember her. I do. It's just that marriage has changed me in such profound ways that I could never go back.

I remember the past, but I see it all through the lens of "before I met my husband." The single years are the "years before" my husband. The friendship we had is the friendship that led to marriage. The hard times were the times that led to fulfillment in marriage.

I think about life differently now, in the present, in part because of the influence of my husband, and in part because I now have another person that is permanently a part of my life. I have different responsibilities, responsibilities I never thought would change me, but certainly have.

I have learned to like new things in marriage, most notably food. My husband likes hamburgers, tacos, pizza, and pasta--much different from the-Filipino style food on which I grew up. I'm not sure I totally like all of these, but I at least eat them more often. I have rock climbed more because of my husband. I learned about the, "Peaches" (1996) song (though I don't LIKE it). I guess maybe I should not say that I have learned to like new things, but that I try more new things because of marriage.

There are quite a few things I don't do now that I am married, too. My focus is a lot more singular. Yes, I live my own life, but my life affects my husband. I made the vow to choose him, and I can't go back. I really don't care about some of those old things, either. They don't matter now. My husband matters. My marriage matters. I choose it above the rest. I committed to choose my husband forever into the future when I married.

I hardly recognize my old self. I remember her, but she doesn't exist anymore. The new me is the married me. Anything before seems like a strange memory, because at this point, it is strange. It should be strange, because after I said my vows four years ago, I became one with my husband. We started an "us" identity, and that opened up for us a whole new life.

Reference:

The Presidents of the United States of America. (1996). Peaches. On The Presidents of the United States of America.

Taking Time

Sharing my husband is hard. I am not sure I will ever find it easy. There are times when I find it easier, though, times when I can let him go with sadness, but less angst, and definitely not bitterness and resentment. When are those times? Times when I feel like we are in a good place. Times when I feel like he has prioritized our time before giving away his time. Times when we took time together before the big event.

Why do I feel better about letting my husband go when we have had time together first? Because I feel "full." I feel secure. I feel like I can let go without losing. Other times, when our time together has been scarce, I feel so panicky and possessive, not my finer points.

So what is my solution to when I know I need to share my husband? Spend quality time with my husband before the event. Make time. Take time. Sure, sometimes I have to share him without advance notice (eg in the case of emergency), but when there's a social event, I can plan ahead. And really, I should always be working to keep our relationship "overfull," so that we always have something to share.

Sharing My Husband With Others

My husband is a very capable person, very talented, and very personable. Yes, I am proud of him, but that is not the primary point of this post. This post is about how everyone seems to want a piece of him, and how I have trouble sharing.

I learned years ago that blessings are meant to be shared. I guess I am still learning that. I struggled first with jealousy when my parents poured into others. I wanted them to pour into me. But then I realized that God gave me the gift of them as parents, and them helping others would never change that. I cared less about them helping others after I got married. Yes, I wanted to spend time with them, but I felt less possessive. Then came marriage. I loved the man my husband was, and when he proposed, I felt privileged to marry him and promise to love him forever. I soon realized that other people loved him, too.

Other people love my husband because of the kind and compassionate person that he is. They benefit from being in relationships with him. Sure, they don't love him like a wife, but they love him nonetheless, and they want time from him. I don't want all of his time. I don't take all of his time when we are home together, but when he goes out, or helps others, sometimes I get jealous. It is like I suddenly get a scarcity mindset and think I need all of him.

My dear college friend C. Salena (2023) posted about this on Facebook a while back. She said, "Don't be jealous, possessive, or carnally overly protective of your loved ones. The world needs them. If their life is a gift, let God give it....Don't be jealous....The world needs them...If their life is a gift." All things I needed to hear. All things I needed to consider. Yes, God gifted me with my husband. Yes, I love him and want to spend time with him. God made him, and God gave him, though. He is not mine to possess, but mine to graciously share. God is in charge, not me! To go further, I should see sharing my husband as a privilege, as an honor. How might God use him, and me?

Sharing is not just for kids. It is for kids, and adults. For the unmarried, and the married. All is a gift from God. Can I steward it well? Can I steward my husband well? Can I share? In God's strength, I hope I keep learning, so that not only I, but others, might benefit, and that God might increasingly get the glory. Amen!

Reference:

Wells, C. S. (2023, January 20). I really struggled with friendships growing up military and being from a city where trust and love couldn't be freely. [Status update]. Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/cecilia.s.wells

Everything I Read in May

'Twas another slower reading month. I just haven't been that into it. Anyway, here are reviews of what I did read*:

44) The Bright Side Running Club by Josie Lloyd—Keira seems like she has it all: a good marriage, sweet kids and a profitable business, until her world comes crashing down with a breast cancer diagnosis. Written by UK author Josie Lloyd, this is a first person, fictionalized tale about running through cancer and relying on the power of friendship. It is a really well-written book, with some interesting exploration of relationship dynamics both inside and outside of the family. There is also a mysterious subplot having to do with Keira's business. It is an excellent, encouraging book in terms of giving readers hope for life after cancer. Character Tamsin's statement that “'life is a gift, not a given'” is one to take away. Unfortunately, despite these bright spots, there is a lot of language and some of the content is R-rated. For these reasons, I cannot recommend the book.

45) Snackable Bakes by Jessie Sheehan—This was a fun little read, inspired by me hearing the author on an episode of the podcast, Didn't I Just Feed You. The cookbook contains little snippets of stories, photos for every recipe, and most often, several variations for each recipe (rendering far more than the 100 recipes the book promises). As former baker at Baked in New York City, Sheehan shares a lot of tips to make baking easier (such as mixing in one bowl and using a marshmallow to stabilize whipped cream), and her wry sense of humor makes reading entertaining. This is by no means a healthy-for-the-body cookbook—it has plenty of sugar, butter, and oil—but it is healthy for the soul: entertaining and making the fun parts of baking and eating more accessible, and for that matter, snackable.

46) Smitten-Natalie: Birthday Wishes by Colleen Coble—This is a short, sweet story (part of a collection of four, only the library separated them in the Libby app) about Natalie Mansfield, aunt, business woman, and creative thinker extraordinaire. Natalie is raising her niece Mia, running a coffee shop, and now trying to help keep the town where she grew up afloat. Meanwhile, she is trying to figure out how to make things official by adopting her niece, her May 10^th birthday wish. Things move a little quickly, but what can a reader expect from a short novella? There are some pretty sweet lessons about trust—in God and in others—that make me smitten enough to want to find the rest of the novellas so I can read more.

47) Stories of Hope: An Anthology of the Redeeming Hope Found in Jesus by Wendy Palau—Composed of short testimonies from women around the globe, this book truly is one of hope. The authors share tales of Jesus saving them from alcohol and drugs, eating disorders, the occult, promiscuity, and more. The tales are not ones of toxic positivity, but of true rescue and redemption. This is an excellent, easy-to-read, and inspiring book. Taken a story at a time, or in full, it is worth a read!

48) Keep on Running: The Highs and Lows of a Marathon Addict by Phil Hewitt—Written by a British journalist turned marathon runner, this book chronicles the author's participation in a variety of European marathons. The writing is not necessarily spectacular, but well describes the flops, faves, and foibles of over 20 marathons. Readers can pick up a few tips along the way, but mostly, they can get a picture of what it looks like to be a marathon runner. This is not my favorite running book ever, but I did enjoy it for some light reading.

49) The New Rules of Running: Five Steps to Run Faster and Longer for Life by Vijay Vad—This is a different type of running book, written by a medical doctor versus a seasoned runner or a coach. While the book's title lends itself to a book full of running tips, this is more a book about running, aging, and marathoning. There is more medical terminology than in some books (though still understandable for the layman). There is quite a bit about what happens to the body as people age, and what runners can do to combat it (stretching, and strength training—he recommends calf raises, standing leg kicks, monster walks, dumbbell hammer curls, push-ups, crunches, and planks as base moves). He suggests elliptical training or water jogging as cross-training when injured. He also says its better to get niggles checked out than run through them. The book contains 10-day cycle marathon plans, as well as half-marathon plans. He does write a bit about the marathon, but maybe that is where most people are aiming in this new age of running? I learned from this book, but I wouldn't say I learned to run faster. That would be more of a training book. This is more of a book about lifetime care for the running body.

50) Happy Herbivore: Light and Lean by Lindsay Nixon—Though not vegan or trying to lose weight, I like Lindsay Nixon's cookbooks for their plant-forward focus and variety. I could definitely pick this one up and cook quite a few recipes from it. I could do without all the diet references, but for those who want a diet plan, this book has aspects of it. Overall, though, it is just a source for easy, happy, good-for-you cooking

51) Church: Why Bother? by Philip Yancey—Set forth as a book about how the author left the church and came back, this really is not a book about that. Rather, it is a book about how and what the church can be in the community. Sharing personal anecdotes about his time at churches in the inner city of Chicago and elsewhere, Yancey writes about how the church is the hands and feet of Christ. I found the last chapter about how to endure as a Christian servant most helpful. All in all, I think the book is a bit dated (especially in the language Yancey uses to describe struggling people), and not what it set out to be. I would rather read the last chapter as a stand alone encouragement for those in Christian ministry.

52) Half the Sugar, All the Love: 100 Easy, Low-Sugar Recipes for Every Meal of the Day by Jennifer Tyler Lee and Anisha Patel—This book is genuinely what it says: a cookbook that reduces sugar in recipes by at least 50%. The book's authors posit that natural sugars from fruit are better than those from processed sugars, as they contain vitamins and nutrients, so the book is not sugar free. It is just lower on processed sugars. Anyway, the authors include recipes for everything from breakfast favorites like muffins to sweet and savory stir fries, as well as the expected cakes and cookies. The authors use dates for sweetness in a lot of recipes, not something I have on hand regularly, but something I could use. If I wanted to branch out into some of the recipes I usually avoid because of their high sugar content, I would buy this book. The book is also family friendly, including a “What kids can do” section for every recipe. All in all, this is a quality, well-done cookbook, obviously developed and written with love.

53) No One Ever Asked by Katie Ganshert—This book took a bit to get into, but man, when I did, it had me! No One Ever asked artfully weaves together the lives of at least three women, sharing the perspectives of each amidst its seventy-four chapters. Covering sensitive issues like transracial adoption, marriage, divorce, health, sexual harassment, gun rights, and school integration, this book really has no agenda, other than to give inside looks at the hearts and lives of people affected but these struggles. No one ever wants to ask about the heaviness of things like what these characters struggle with, but in the end, forgiveness wins. This is in many ways a heavy read, but also one hundred percent worth it!

*I realize that I am privileged to be able to read, to have access to so many books via the library, and to have time to read. I just haven't been as into it lately has I had been.