The Cool Kid

I always wanted to be that kid: the social butterfly, the one invited to all the parties, the person everyone wanted to be around, the cool kid. To an extent, I have gotten to be "that kid" a few times now. I got to be that kid when I had my first job in Arizona post-grad school. My new coworkers invited me to the bar before our training activities, and I got to go to the social events after the training. I didn't drink, but I did partake in the activities. I said it was to get to know them, and I did, but not necessarily in ways I would have liked. Overall, I still felt out of place. I found that socializing around alcohol really was not my thing.

I have gotten to be "the cool kid" several time since then: I have been invited to multiple social events, spent time in crowds of people, etc. I continue to find that I am uncomfortable. I would rather be the fly on the wall (though hopefully not a pesky one) than the social butterfly. I would rather eat dinner at home in peace that while nibbling on hors d'oeuvres and hobnobbing with "the brass." I would rather talk to my husband or a close friend than flit from group to group. I am really more of an introvert than an extrovert.

The older I get, the less I want to be "the cool kid." The older I get, the more cool I become with being me: a homebody with a few close friends, most of whom don't live near me. I skip quite a few social events. I don't stay super long at the events I do attend. I spend most of my nights at home, doing housework, talking to my husband, and then bookending the day with a crossword, snack, and cup of cocoa. For the most part, I am cool with it.

This is my life. This is my jam. I am no longer a kid, but a grown adult, and maybe, just maybe, I am finally coming into myself. Maybe, with God's help, I can continue to be cool with that.