Everything I Read in April

 

35) Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling Faith from Fear by Jinger Vuolo—She grew up Duggar under the teaching of Bill Gothard. Then she started studying the Bible, got married, and had to disentangle her faith from the legalism under which she grew up. In this book, Vuolo gives readers an inside look at how Gothard manipulated his followers with health/wealth teaching, led to Vuolo living a fear-filled life for quite some time. Vuolo writes time and time again about how she couldn’t leave her faith in spite of all this. Instead, she had to dismantle and rebuild, leading to a life of freedom through saving faith in Jesus. This might not be a book by or everyone, but it certainly is interesting and timely considering all who are deconstructing their faith and not becoming free indeed.

36) Through His Grace by Kelly Eileen Hake—God's grace brings Eric Nichols to church. Grace Willard brings in her second cousins Lizzy and Jake after their parents die. The four meet and grow to love each other, but can there be forever? I found a few typos in this book, and the story was predictable and lacking in a few areas. Still, the story was sweet, and had a few unexpected additions that helped showcase God's grace. The author appears quite young, and if I take this as one of her first works, I have to give it a thumb's up!

37) The Purifying Power of Living by Faith in Future Grace by John Piper—This is a treatise, a treatise on how believers should live not only out of gratitude for what Jesus has done, but for what God is doing, and will do through the grace provided by Jesus in his sinless sacrifice. Piper asserts that faith in future grace sanctifies by producing obedience. It helps fight sin. Piper goes into how grace cannot be grace if people try to pay it back, and how that should humble believers. This was a bit of an intense read. I only made it through two chapters a day (and normally I can read more quickly), and that is probably because Piper wrote it to be read as a daily devotional for a month. While I am sure I missed a lot, I did come away very encouraged by some of the content. Specifically, I appreciated how Piper wrote about anxiety, saying that having anxiety does not mean a person is faithless. How the person deals with anxiety demonstrates faith. The idea that disobedience is rooted in unbelief in the sufficiency of God's future grace convicted me. The ending chapter on the work of Jonathan Edwards asserted that men cannot be miserable when happiness is to be found in God, a strong argument against asceticism. While I struggled a bit with some of the strong deterministic language in this book, I did learn, and that learning edified my faith, so amen to that!

38) Bakerita by Rachel Connors—I like reading cookbooks to get new ideas. This is a unique cookbook in that it is gluten-, dairy-, and refined-sugar free. Connors does a great job of not making it fun-free, though, recreating many of her childhood favorites based on her dietary needs. I do not cook with things like coconut flour, almond flour, or psyllium husk, but if I needed to, this would tell me how to do it. Connors uses coconut milk and soaked cashews for things like frosting, and even figured out how to make white and regular chocolate bars without dairy. She is creative to say the least! Her photos are clean, pretty, and plentiful (though not for every recipe), making this a visually appealing read. Not for everyone, but for those with dietary restrictions, this might help them feel more like everyone!

39) A Touch of Grace by Linda Goodnight—Ian Carpenter and Gretchen Barker both come from troubled pasts, only they don't know it. They meet because of an untimely death and Gretchen wanting to do a news story on the mission Ian runs. In the process, they learn more about each other, the needs of their community, and grace. Ian seems a bit too perfect in his reliance on grace, but the book does depict his struggle to give it, as well as the benefits that result. This was a fairly short read (a day and a half for me), and worth it! It had just enough suspense and romance to keep me turning pages, and enough meaningful truth to make me consider God's grace, trust, and faith in some important ways.

40) Amazing Grace in the Life of William Wilberforce by John Piper—This short book, with a forward by Jonathan Aitken, chronicles how the faith of William Wilberforce motivated him to pursue abolition of slavery in England. Wilberforce thought of becoming clergy, but his friend and mentor encouraged him to follow God while serving in Parliament. Piper focuses on not just the abolition of slavery, but shows how Wilberforce’s relationship with Christ motivated all efforts for the common good. Piper portrays Wilberforce as more joyful than the movie Amazing Grace, and perhaps he was. Since this book was more excerpts pertaining to Wilberforce’s theology than it was anything else, I think I might want to read a biography to find out more about the actual man.

41) One Thousands Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp—It only took me almost five months to read this book, and I have read it before. Voskamp's words are thick, beautiful, but a lot to unpack when I really take time to think about them. What struck me this time in reading was the connection between thanksgiving and grace. As believers, all God gives us are graces, and we should give thanks as such. I do find that Voskamp uses a lot of hyperboles, “only” this, and “only” that. That bothered me a bit in reading, because God's graces are vast and varied. The only time I want to use the word only is of Jesus, the only Savior. Anyway, this was overall a good read, probably one I will continue to come back to time and time again, as it hits me differently in each season, daring me to live there, rather than anywhere else.

42) Amazing Grace: The Story of America’s Most Beloved Song by Steve Turner—This was a fascinating book (more the first half about John Newton than the last half about the song, but both were good). Following John Newton's story from womb to tomb, and then the evolution of the famous hymn he wrote, this book is well-researched and extremely thorough. There is way more to John Newton than simply being a slave trader (his sins before he became a slave trader were likely far “worse”). The song has been changed and altered through many cultural phases and stages. Informational and inspirational, this book is likely to cause readers to think differently about the famous hymn.

43) It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered by Lysa TerKeurst—Life is disappointing. More then that, its circumstances are often discouraging, even devastating. In this book, TerKeurst explores some of her own painful experiences (health complications, marital issues, and breast cancer) and writes of how God’s truth keeps her anchored. She exhorts readers to look at disappointment as a tool of God used for sanctification. It is, and I wonder if TerKeurst would write so confidently now, in the face of a marriage that ultimately ended in divorce. This is a good read, but ultimately best read in the context of knowing we need God’s strength not just in disappointing or shattering seasons of life, but always!

What Really is Grace?

Since my experience last month, I have been pondering the meaning of grace. Does it have just one definition? Or does it mean different things in different contexts? With different people? With myself? Grace seems like it can have a wide variety of meanings.

I remember first learning about grace in AWANA. I remember defining grace as "God giving me a free gift I don't deserve." John Piper (2012), in his book The Purifying Power of Living by Faith in Future Grace, writes that "grace pays debts." Grace is free. Faith in future grace is faith that helps conquer temptation and sin, now and in the present. Max Lucado (2014) writes that grace is a source of generosity. He writes that grace is what secures believers' relationships to God. Theologians write of common grace, prevenient grace, justifying grace, sanctifying grace, glorifying grace, and more (Goddard, n.d.). It's a little dizzying.

What really is grace? The conclusion I have at the moment it is not getting what I deserve. Having grace is not exacting from people (or self) what I think it is expected or demanded. It is soft. It is kind. It is associated with all kind of moral virtues.

I haven't really quite figured all of it out. Maybe I won't. Maybe that's good, because not knowing what grace is means I have to keep giving and receiving grace in order to learn more about it. Maybe it's good because grace is greater than me. It is larger than me, and comes from someone larger than me. What really is grace? I don't know, but I do know God, and I rest assured that He knows all.

References:

Goddard, E. (n.d.). Types of grace. Pray with Confidence. https://praywithconfidence.com/types-of-grace/

Lucado, M. (2014). Grace: More than we deserve, greater than we imagine. Thomas Nelson.

Piper, J. (2009). The Purifying Power of Living by Faith in Future Grace. The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group.

A Breath of Fresh Air

I woke up not feeling so well, not sick, just off. We had a hard conversation. I felt teary. But then we decided to go to a local community event. I got so immersed in it. And when I came home, I felt like a new woman. I felt invigorated, enlivened, positive and hopeful. It was as if I had taken a breath of fresh air.

Why did I feel better? My mind had taken time to focus on something else. I had forgotten about my earlier angst. Moving my body had made it feel better. Simple interventions, yes, but with profoundly positive results.

Feeling blue? Try something that distracts you-no, not something that dissociates you, like scrolling your phone. Something immersive, creative, interesting. It could be an outdoor activity like going for a hike, walk, or run. It could be a creative pursuit like painting, knitting or crocheting, or wood working. It could be a museum tour. Get up; get out. Literally breathe some fresh air. Who knows? It might have the same effects as it did for me, lightening your load and livening your mood. Isn't it cool how God made us?

Practical and Pretty

My best friend has a motto when she gets me gifts: practical and pretty. She knows I lean towards practical, but appreciate pretty, and it's true. So here's the practical and pretty of my Lenten headbands, two I had not made yet when I shared my original post.

The Practical: Striped cross-stitch headband from The Stitchin' Mommy

I made this from scrap black and gray yarn. I chose very muted colors so that the headband would match everything. I specifically wanted a minimalist headband for running. This headband worked great, much like a traditional "stretchy" headband. The only problem was that the yarn did stretch out a little bit over time.

The Pretty: Cross-stitched headband with flower applique from My Hobby is Crochet

I made this from scrap yarn as well, but specifically to match a dress for a wedding we attended. This headband was different in that it was cast onto hair elastics. This made the fit a bit different, but a bit tighter, too. I enjoyed wearing this headband and felt pretty in it. It also kept the flower on my head better than a barrette, or hair clip, or any other method would have.

I am not sure if I will (or should) keep all of the headbands I made. I think I will at least keep the pretty one. I enjoyed wearing it and think it could be fun to wear again with the same dress, if nothing else.

Pat's Run 4.0

Another year, another Pat's Run. This is number four in-person (five if I count the virtual COVID event). I've run a lot this year! I took a down week after the 15K, and then ramped back up with a one month intermediate 5K plan in preparation for this race. The plan had me running five days a week: one tempo run plus hill repeats (which turned into intervals since I do not live near hills), one cross training day, one race pace interval day, an easy day, and a long run. I continue to use Nourish Move Love workouts for cross training. Most days, I stretched for five minutes and foam rolled for five minutes after running. I did yoga occasionally. That was pretty much my plan.

I was in corral four this year. This was back a corral from last year. I wondered if I was moved back due to my less fast time last year. My husband suggested that there just might be more runners as the world comes back from COVID. As it stood, there were 28,000-30,000 runners, so corral four wasn't bad.

Packet Pick-Up

Hat's off to the race organizers, because this is a well-oiled machine. Pre-race e-mails told runners to know their bib numbers for packet pick-up, but there were volunteers at a tent helping people who needed to look up their numbers on-site. Since I already had my number, I skipped this step, and in less than five minutes, was in and out with my bib and race shirt. I don't love the color of the shirts this year, but the run is not about the shirt. It's about remembering Pat Tillman and his sacrifice. Hats off to his family and the Pat Tillman Foundation who continue to put on this great event. Rather than channel their grief into anger, they have channeled it into remembering Pat with honor, and helping the greater community, and really, the world at large. I so respect that!

 

Race Day

I got up at 4 am Saturday morning. I have learned that I am a slow starter, and having more time is better. I braided my hair, read my Bible, did my physical therapy exercises, made coffee for my husband, and then we were out the door! We opted for the 5:14 am light rail, even though it meant we were early. Good choice! We got there as race expo booths were opening and picked up some good swag. Being that it is Arizona, most booths give out chapstick and sunglasses, or both! I got enough sunglasses last year to last a while, so I just picked up chapsticks this time. My haul from last year got me through about a year, and I hope it will again this time!

Warm-Up

I drank my 8 oz of water at home before the race. This gave me time to use the bathroom. Runners talk about how many times they need to stop before their runs, and it really is true! I need to hydrate, but then I get nervous and have to use the bathroom a million times! Anyway, around 6 am, I ate my banana and did my five minute shake-out run. (I learned last year that eating my banana at home was way too early, causing a blood sugar crash, rather than a spike, which is what I want for optimal energy.) I got in the corral around 6:30 am, but kept my jacket until around 6:55 am. (Thankfully my husband was nearby to take it from me!). I hoped that staying warm before the race would help me conserve energy. I thought that I needed to wear shorts and a tank top to combat the heat of the race, though. I was right! At 55 degrees, it was cool in the morning, but in the bright sun and temperatures rising over 60 at rice time, my attire was just right!

The Run

I got over the start line around 7:11 am. The first mile was slow! There is a hairpin turn to start the race, and then lots of people. (Some people were already walking at this point.) I looked down at my walk at mile one and saw 8:44/mile, not the pace I planned to run! I told myself that I felt faster and knew I could be faster, and I needed to keep trying. The race lane narrowed at times, meaning I had to watch my elbows, as well as the elbows of others. There is one slight hill that is hard, but then a downhill. I tried to catch speed there. Mile two was 8:22/mile, better, but I still had to catch up from mile one. I sort of hit my stride at mile three, and saw that I was in range of my goal pace, and tried to push it a bit. Hearing the stadium music gave me a boost of energy as I got closer to the finish. The finish is uphill a bit into the stadium, but I did try to increase my speed. I didn't feel too bad coming over the finish line.

Results

I had my watch and phone results, but it took me awhile to get official results. The official results were 34:26, or 8:12/mile. I did it! My goal was 35:00, and 8:15/mile, and I exceeded that! Praise the Lord! The mental game is so important in running, and with the Lord's help, I did it! Yes, I felt tense and tight and slow at the beginning, but the race was not over until it was over. And when it was over, I heard them calling corral 16, which made me extra grateful that I got to run when I did. It only gets hotter as the day goes on. Truly a gift!

Final Thoughts

It has been a really good race season! Slowing down, working on strength, and dialing in nutrition have been so helpful! Who knows if I can have the same improvements year over year, but after an "off" season this summer, I hope to see. And next year is the 20th anniversary of Pat's Run, which seems important, so I hope to run it again. Lord willing, I will. For now, though, I am celebrating this special day and Pat's Run PR with great gratitude to God for the privileges that allow me to run, and strong appreciation for my husband who supports my continued efforts.

Real Life Marriage: The Gift

Marriage is a gift. Do I always see it that way, though? Sadly, no. Sometimes marriage is work. Sometime marriage is difficult. Sometimes marriage exposes my sin. Though I can't and wouldn't go back to being single, sometimes it seems like it would be easier.

My dad told me when I was single that marriage was just as hard as being single. I somewhat resented him at the time, because I wanted so badly to be married. Now, I understand. Being single has its difficulties. Being married has its difficulties. You choose your hard.

Still, marriage is a gift. Through marriage, God provides companionship. Through marriage, God sanctifies. I am well aware that marriage is not guaranteed, as I have oh so many lovely friends who long to become married, but are not. Marriage, therefore, is ultimately a gift of grace, one I do not deserve, but one I am blessed to have.

When I see marriage as a gift, it changes my perspective on how I relate to my husband. It causes me to practice more patience. It causes me to see conflict in terms of growth. It helps me become more grateful, even and especially when I do not get my way, or things do not go the way I planned. Marriage becomes less about me and more about celebrating what God has done.

Marriage is a gift, a gift from God. May I see it as such. May I steward it as such, to God's honor and glory.

The Cross Before Me

One of my favorite college Bible professors had a Catholic background, but converted to Christianity by saving faith in Jesus. She taught me so much and encouraged me to practice so many spiritual disciplines. One way she influenced me was in her sharing about her practice of Lent. Though she acknowledged that Jesus is not still on the cross, but risen as Savior, she wore a crucifix necklace all through Lent. As I remember it, she said she did it to recall the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross during that season. That stuck with me.

I have done the cross thing before, but not the crucifix. Although I did fast from physical food (not a complete fast, but eliminating a certain food for a period of time) this year, my practice this year of adding something felt far more meaningful. What did I add? I added a headband. Let me explain.

I have always wanted to go to an Ash Wednesday service and get the ashes on my forehead, not because I believe in the ritual, but because of the physical manifestation of the somberness of Lent. When I made all those headbands in February, I had a thought that I could make a cross headband and wear it for Lent. In the end, it turned out that I made a series of headbands with some kind of cross pattern and alternated wearing them. It was harder and much more profound than I expected. 

I did not want to wear a headband every day. But then I thought about how Jesus did not want to go to the cross, but did it anyway as an act of obedience (Matt 26:39). My brother asked me if I wore headbands every day now (because it was different). Not wanting to give away my practice, I told him I was for this time period, and I wondered, do people see me as different because of the cross, and by salvation through it by grace through faith? As the headbands marked my hair, I wondered if the cross marks my life. As I saw myself in the mirror, I wondered how my life looks different because of the cross. I asked myself if the cross restrains me from sin like the headband restrains my hair. And many, many times, I thought of the lyrics to "Make Me An Instrument" by the Ragamuffin Band (Genius, n.d.):

Christ within me, Christ before me
Christ behind me, Christ above me
Christ beneath me, to my left and my right
Christ where I lie and where I rise
Christ in the hearts of all who think of me
Christ on the lips of all who speak of me
Christ in the eyes of all who see me
Make me Your instrument, Lord!

As I went about my day, I thought and prayed: 

Cross before me
Cross behind me
To the left and the right

The headband physically manifested this, and I hope, changed me.

So now as I leave Lent, and celebrate Easter, I leave the headbands behind. I do not leave the cross behind, however. Through Jesus' death on it, I am saved. The cross should mark me. The cross should mark all who follow Jesus. After all, Jesus said, that "Whoever wants to be [His] disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow [Him]" (New International Version, 2011, Matt 16:24). I am not sure I am fully there. I will not ever be fully there on this earth, but I pray that I am ever moving forward. May my Lenten practice be part of that.

References:

Genius. (n.d.) Make me an instrument. https://genius.com/A-ragamuffin-band-make-me-an-instrument-lyrics

New International Version. (2011). Bible Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/

Disagreement Doesn’t Have to Mean Conflict

I've been learning something lately, mostly in my marriage, but I think it applies to the rest of life too:  Disagreement doesn’t have to mean conflict. Yes, sometimes I need to get another person to agree with me, or I need to agree with them. A lot of the time, though, it is okay to differ, uncomfortable, yes, but okay.

So how do we keep disagreement from becoming conflict? Well first of all, we stand firm in our own positions. We know that believing differently does not mean anything good or bad about us as people. It just is. Secondly, we choose to value that person and that person's opinion. This helps preserve our respect for the person and not make the disagreement person. Third, we choose not to argue. If the conversation is headed there, we can just stop. We can agree to disagree, and just move on. Ultimately, we can accept the other person and that person's view. We don't have to like it, but we can accept it.

We fight in this country about a lot, a lot of things. Some of them are values issues. Some are ethics and morals. Some battles are worth fighting some are not. In marriage, we need to agree on some core issues and key tenets. In other less intimate relationships, we need to agree on less. And in society at large, we really do not have to agree at all. We can respect each other and disagree. Disagreement doesn't have to mean conflict.

So can we all agree to be a little more understanding? A little kinder? A little more considerate and gracious when people disagree with us? You do not have to like it. You just have to agree with it, and accept it.

Grace

My husband and I had just driven an hour to get to the hiking trail. The sign said we needed to pay a cash entrance fee. I hoped there might be an ATM. As we walked up to the rustic gatehouse, I realized, however, there would be no such ATM. There probably was not even power I did not want to turn back now, though. So I waited. And when I got to the front of the line, somewhat sheepishly, I asked the attendant, "What is the nearest place to get cash? We did not know you did not take cards."

And she replied, "Don't worry about it. Catch us next time. It's a beautiful day, and I wouldn't want to keep you from it."

I thanked her, and a little embarrassed, we continued through. My husband said he felt bad. I felt bad. I started to make excuses for ways they could get paid (eg a phone app, or something), but didn't. And then I found myself thinking that I could somehow get on a website when I got home and make a donation to make up for not paying. And then the Spirit whispered, "That was a gift of grace. You don't pay grace back."

And I thought to myself how many times I try to earn God's favor. How often I try to pay back grace. But then it's not grace. It's works. Grace is God giving me a FREE gift I don't deserve.

We didn't deserve to get a pass on our hike that day. Even more so, I do not deserve God's grace. It is a blessing though. It is a gift. Praise God for it, for through it, by faith, we are saved!