Real Life Marriage: "In Sickness and In Health"

Photo by Sharon Lane

We pledged to love each other "in sickness and in health" in our wedding vows. I didn't quite realize how much we'd have to practice that. Chris got a terrible case of bronchitis a few weeks ago, leaving me to do most of the house stuff because he literally couldn't. Today, on our four month wedding anniversary, I have laryngitis and can barely speak. He drove me two hours to the neurologist to get botox for my dystonia. This is real married life, people.

Love is not always pretty. It is not always fun. It does not always mean being with the other person is enjoyable, either. I'm paranoid about germs. I hurt when Chris hurts. I wanted to "fix" his illness when he was sick, and I couldn't. Love was making tea. Love was fixing soup for dinner for days on end. Love was giving hugs and trusting the Lord with the results of my virus exposure. In all of these situations, love was a choice. And now Chris is doing the same for me.

For several days now, I haven't talked much at home in an attempt to save my voice. Chris has chosen to be with me even though I'm not good company. Chris had work today. He was the sole person responsible for a few things, yet he chose me over those to-dos. He chose to come with me and support me and hold my hand while I had needles poked into me and toxins injected. He chose to come with me to drive the two hours home afterward because I said my arm would hurt. He chose love. We both choose love.

Marriage is good. It is shaping. It is special and fun and all the good feels...at times. But is also hard and messy and germ-exposing. It is painful and more commiseration than camaraderie sometimes. But it's good and right.

Marriage is a commitment, and with the Lord's help, we're keeping ours:

...for better or for worse

...for richer or for poorer

...in sickness and in health

To love and to cherish, until death do us part or Jesus Christ returns.

Disability or Ability?

I've been to the primary care doctor, orthopedic doctor, chiropractor, neurologist, physical therapist, and a specialist. I've had two MRIs and two EMGs. I have received numerous injections of botox. The problem isn't any better, my hand that is. I wanted a fix. I wanted a cure. But I'm beginning to think this is a permanent condition.

I've always been privileged: able-bodied, smart, and pretty healthy. We didn't have tons of money growing up and I had some illnesses, but nothing was permanent. Not this. This hand issue appears that it is going to stay the same, if not get worse. I have a disability.

I've seen plenty of people operate with disabilities. They don't make a big deal of it. They just live. But me? I feel in the spotlight. I wonder what people think when they see me type fully with my left hand and with only one finger of my right hand. I have to explain why I don't play piano much anymore. I drop things. I have strange pains. My arm has atrophied and makes me feel self-conscious. This condition is embarrassing. I'm frustrated.

I can focus on what this condition of dystonia takes from me, but in some ways, it's a gift. It reminds me that I'm human. It forces me to slow down. It teaches me to pace myself. It requires me to ask for and accept help. It makes me recognize the benefits of health insurance and access to doctors. It provides me the opportunity to identify with others who struggle. I can't change the fact that my hand doesn't work like I want it to, but I can change the way I view this condition. Do I see dystonia as a disability, or an ability? My perspective on dystonia makes a difference in how I cope with it.

Afghan 56

With God's help, I finished another afghan! This afghan is the one jumbo skein baby blanket from Yarnspirations. I completed the blanket in Red Heart cherry red, and yes, it did take just about one skein of yarn.

This yarn was a lesson in patience and in the tolerance of imperfection, as I could not seem to keep the edges straight. I'll point out that the blanket seems a little warped in this picture, and it is, though the picot stitch edging helped. Overall, I am just glad I finished. My dystonia helps me focus on finishing my afghans, rather than on making them perfect.

As for my dystonia, I notice my hand getting worse. It is harder to type. I find my hand clenching some when I try to do things like chop food in the kitchen. My ring finger and pinkie cross in what the physical therapist called, "scissoring." Whether it's related or not, my right elbow has swollen and started to hurt. I did see the doctor on Veteran's Day, but I declined botox in favor of another EMG nerve test. That is scheduled for a few weeks out.

Will you please pray with me that I will find some answers for this issue? I am thankful that I have a hand and that it kind of works to crochet afghans like this one. Still, I am frustrated, and I'll admit a bit grumpy and mad about the issue. I just want a certain and precise diagnosis so I can either fix the problem or figure out how to deal with it. But maybe that is not my lot. Either way, I have to learn to be content, rest, and trust God about it, and I am struggling to do these things.