Discontent

So much in my life is going right. I've made it a year at my job. My parents bought me a new phone for my birthday. I recently got a new car. I just went on a beautiful vacation. And yet I'm still discontent.

I keep thinking that at some point all the pieces of my life will fall into place. That I'll find a home of my own. That I'll make friends. That I'll get married. That my job will be less stressful. That I'll feel settled and at rest. The more I go on with life though, the more I realize that I'll never quite get there.

This world and its imperfections are supposed to make me long for heaven. I need to be thankful and grateful for the good things here on earth, yes, but I need to accept that this dwelling place will never satisfy. The settledness I lack here reminds me that I need to look to Jesus to meet my needs and provide an eternal home. 

So here's to living with my discontent, for accepting it and integrating it into my life and allowing it to push me towards Jesus. I am weak, but he is strong (2 Cor 12:10).

Settling

My brother gave me a beautiful wood-wick candle for Christmas. I was saving it for my own home, so I put it away in a cabinet. But since buying and inhabiting my own home seems like a far off dream at this point, I decided to open it and light it. As the candle set there on the corner crackling and burning, I thought, “I've decided to live here. I'm settling."

I'm settling on quite a few things in life right now because I refuse to settle on other things for the long term. I'm settling on living at home with my parents because I refuse to settle on buying a sub-par house, or buying a home that exceeds my budget. I'm settling on being single because I refuse to settle on less than God's best in marriage. I'm settling on suboptimal hand performance because I refuse to settle for more botox. I'm settling on staying in Arizona because I refuse to settle and believe that I've done all I can here.

Life is about decisions, and I've got to settle one way or another. So I'm settling on living out my life right here and right now, rather than reaching for things that aren't good for me.