The More of Less Report (August)

I wanted to turn a corner this month. I wanted to be my best self. It turns out I am still human and still not meeting all my goals. But I still had a good month. And that’s what I wanted less to be about.

To revisit my goals--

January-LESS scrolling: Yes, I am still scrolling. I could cut myself off, but that extreme choice does not necessarily help me practice self-control. So, I continue to try to be aware of my habits (screen time reports help!), get off when it is not serving me, and otherwise enjoy more ways to relax and decompress than simply using the screen.

February-LESS picking: This is not really better. Here is where I want to be extreme. I want to take great care of my skin and hair and not be bothered by it. It has not happened yet. I did get to share the new face cream I have with my mom, though. That is a win!

March-LESS hunger (judgment): This is still a hard one! I am a little less hungry than I was in the initial stages of healing from my injury, but still hungry, and still seeming to gain weight. I want to get strong and healthy and back to running, but it is hard not to judge and micromanage my body. Let's just say I have not quite re-befriended my body and learned to trust it. Maybe I never well.

April-LESS goals: After seeing Jessica Merchant (2006) reference the monthly 10 list (Chinyoka, 2026), I new that was my ticket to having less goals this month! And it worked! Praise God, I was able to achieve my ten goals, as well as have motivation to say, "No," to temptations like a new workout plan that came into my inbox, or overthinking and reworking my current goals. I just said, "No!" It was so relieving.

May-LESS no: I did say, "No," but I also said, "Yes." That dovetailed right with my monthly less goal, which I will write about soon. Really, I have a rich life. I don't need to say, "Yes" to everything, but I can do a lot better to enjoy my life more.

June-LESS lying to myself: I think I am learning here that I need to lower my expectations for myself. Thereby, I lie less to myself. I also need to keep learning to both prioritize, and let things go. As the saying goes, I can do anything (well, almost anything), but not everything.

July-LESS fear: Admittedly, I am struggling here. I am so thankful to be running again, and also quite afraid I will get hurt again. Failing to run won't prevent that possibility. Anything is possible (both bad and good). All I can do is try to be wise, follow the advice of my PT, and trust the Lord for the outcome, whatever it is.

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And so, that is a wrap on August. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness in and through it!

References:

Chinyoka, L. (2026, July 1). Why a monthly "10 list" is the key to unlocking your summer. The everygirl. https://theeverygirl.com/monthly-10-list/

Merchant, J. (2026, July 14). Tuesday things. How sweet eats. https://www.howsweeteats.com/2026/07/tuesday-things-777/

The More of Less Report (July)

Well, I'm junking up the house again. (The decluttering book warned me of this trap.) I've bought two new clothing items (without swapping out old ones), as well as bought gadgets to make my life easier (silicone muffin liners). I could argue that my dietitian told me to buy clothes in bigger sizes. I could argue that I "need" new clothes to feel better, but I really don't. I just bought clothes because I wanted to feel better (and they did-kind of). I could argue that new kitchen gadgets brought me joy and made cooking a little easier, and they did, but could I tolerate without them? Yes. So should I have bought them? I don't know. I just did. I told myself to spend less money this month. Did I? No. But I also got some joy from buying things, and made some memories. Did I live more of life? Overall, I would say, yes. And that was what I wanted from this year anyway.

In other updates on my goals--

January-LESS scrolling: I don't know if I am or not. Some days, I am on social media less, other days more. I have started using at least Instagram more for information (eg for information on topics like stress fracture recovery). I notice when I am not getting anything out of scrolling, and sometimes I keep scrolling. Other times, I move on. I am playing more word games again. It is a good "out" for my brain, and maybe a little more beneficial than doom scrolling?

February-LESS picking: I do not really know here, either. Maybe I just have not been paying attention as much? I do know that I am going through a season of just feeling uncomfortable in my body overall.

March-LESS hunger (judgment): I want to keep healing from my stress fracture, and I want to gain muscle. I hate waking up in the middle of the night hungry. So I have been eating a lot, and and continuing to gain weight. I hope eventually things even out, but I don't know when that will happen, and if I am truly hungry, I guess my body needs all this food? I hope I continue to gain awareness in this area.

April-LESS goals: Yeah, well. I probably did not do too well here. In working on my July goal, I added quite a lot of activities. The physical therapy exercises have piled up. I need to reduce my list of daily things to do next month.

May-LESS no: I caught myself saying, "No," a lot, but thankfully God gave me plenty of chances to rest and say, "Yes." I am thankful for that. I want to live a full life, and that means saying more, "Yes" (though I am learning to do so with boundaries). Yesses this month included attending several very last minute social gatherings, trying several different foods my husband offered me, and going on a surprise location trip that my husband planned--good things, all.

June-LESS lying to myself: This is a bit of a mixed bag. I need to have realistic expectations for myself, and as my mom pointed out, I need to be willing to change and learn and grow as the Holy Spirit prompts. I have realized that most things in life require sacrifice. If I do something for myself, I say, "No" to doing something for others. If I prioritize one thing, I have less time for others. (For example, when I choose to write at night after work, I generally end up going to bed later and getting less sleep.) I am realizing that sometimes, I need to compromise on my priorities, doing a little bit of what I said I would do, and letting a little bit go. That is probably better than the all or nothing trap in which I find myself too often.

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Overall, it has been a better month. Maybe I am not quite living by my "LESS" word, but less is not my end goal in life. Loving God, loving others, and loving myself are my goals. Whatever paths lead me to those goals are my path, less or not.

LESS Goals

I set way too many goals for March:

Declutter at least one item a day.

Read a daily entry from a devotional book (on top of my usual Bible reading).

Research every day for our trip.

Do yoga every day.

The last one was actually good for my mental health. The rest got a little bit onerous. In and of themselves, they were not bad goals, but together, they all added up to equal more stress. I found myself rushing around a lot of nights after work trying to check off my list of daily goals, so this month, I set less, and I made goals for the month, not the day:

1) Swim two laps at least one a week.

2) Increase my healthy fat intake at least a certain amount (on the way to the goal my running nutritionist set for me).

3) Declutter and donate the big brown box by the end of the month.

I also quit some things:

I quit trying to read and listen to my daily Bible passages. Maybe that is a bad thing, but I did not believe I was getting much more out of listening to the passages than reading them, and trying to get the audio recordings finished each morning delayed my readings of the next passages, so I quit. I did keep up reading my devotional book. I appreciated it for bite-sized theological nuggets. My husband and I also read a daily devotional together in the morning. Maybe it's not "enough," but it's something.

I quit researching for our trip. At this point, I have found more things to do that we will have time to do, and it really is not my trip anyway. It is my husband's.

I quit tracking wind speed and direction in my running log. The Apple fitness app doesn't give it to me, which means I needed to open up the weather app each day to find it. Wind is an interesting stat, but not one I really look at that much. In fact, now that I think of it, I don't often look back at the weather information either. I mostly look back at my paces. Maybe I want to scrap weather tracking all together. That is food for thought for the future.

I told myself I could quit decluttering, but I still had that big, brown box. To be honest, decluttering also felt like either a conviction or a compulsion, maybe both. While I kept doing it, I had to look harder and harder for things to discard or donate. On the flip side, I found myself wanting to buy new and shiny things. Not the point, Sarah!

I kept up with the yoga, but after completing the Amanda Elle (n.d.). playlist through which I was working, I had to look harder for the shorter types of practice I like to do after work. That means yoga, too, started to become work. Good things take time and effort, but I really need to decide which ones are worth my time, and which ones aren't. Isn't that part of the purpose of LESS? To have more time for what matters?

So here I sit at the end of another month. We did donate that box, so we have that many less things in my house. I dropped some goals. I dropped some habits. What's left? What of what's left still matters? That is what I'm still on a quest to find out (with lots of prayers and questioning and discussions with my husband)!

Reference:

Elle, A. (n.d.). 5 minute yoga [Playlist]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGSleEMpW_U&list=PL9EBPDA6SCdYgxjSGj_50ls7utbpQrDUL

The More of Less Update (March)

We are three months into the year now, so instead of individual posts, I'm moving to one update on my word of the year, and progress towards it.

January: Less scrolling. Well, thanks to Lent, I am mostly off social media. I log into Facebook daily to check birthdays (because I like sending greetings) and a few times a week to update my blog page. I occasionally find myself scrolling, but try to hold back. 

I am on Instagram only to check the Yogi See Yogi Do Crew pose and make sure no one has hacked my account. For some reason, I have not been as tempted to scroll there. Having the apps off my phone really does help!

I am accessing my pins on Pinterest, and still have that app on my phone so I can save things I find on the Internet, but otherwise, I am not scrolling there.

But what am I doing? I realized that scrolling Reddit might be breaking my (mostly) Lenten abstinence. I also have a problem saving way too many possible books to read in the library Libby app. And I like to scroll podcasts and read snippets, just to see what's up. It's like my brain is always looking for "that thing." I guess it's good to recognize that my brain wants little dopamine "snacks." I just need to have enough self-control to stop scrolling after I get that (or find otherwise to get that "high").

February: Less picking. I am really a sensory person, and I am realizing that a lot of things about my skin bug me. So for starters, I am trying to take better care of it. This month, that looked like breaking into my new (expensive to me) Avon face cream. While I didn't expect to see results, man, do I! Although I am still having some breakouts, my skin is smoother and seems glow-ier (if that's a word). Props to my amazing Avon lady for this recommendation.

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And in other news, I have been reading a lot of books about minimalism--probably too many at this point, as they are all starting to run together, and I now have, as Kendra Adachi (2026) puts it "big black trash bag energy." While I cannot throw everything away, I did make a goal to declutter at least one item a day this month. Sometimes that looks like shredding old documents. Sometimes it is contributing items to the big brown donation box in the corner of the bedroom. I am trying to declutter my own stuff and not drive my husband crazy. I don't know how much I am really simplifying, but I am looking at things with new eyes. If we have duplicates we are not using, or I have not used something in a while, it is going away! And hey, at least I can fit the potato masher in the bin on the counter now, instead of fighting with the drawer into which I'd wedged. That makes my weekly potato mashing easier. 

As Rachelle Crawford reminded me with her book, Messy Minimalism, the goal of less is to be more present. The goal of less is to live more of life, and not just fill it with more stuff. At some point, sorting ends and a person has to sit with some hard stuff. I am not sure I am there yet, as I think I overfilled myself this month by setting too many daily goals (declutter, do yoga, read, etc.) as I saw a little space opened up in this season of "less."  May God continue to guide and provide, and may my attempts at less always point to Him!

References:

Adachi, K. (Host). (2026, March 16). How to better channel your big black trash bag energy. (No. 460) [Audio podcast episode]. The lazy genius. https://www.thelazygeniuscollective.com/lazy/bbtbe

Crawford, R. (2021). Messy minimalism: Real life strategies for the rest of us. Broadleaf books.

LESS Scrolling: An Update

I haven't spent less time on my phone this month, but maybe that's not the point. I use my phone for almost everything: Daily to-do lists, reading, recipes, run-tracking, texting, weather, etc. While I could go back to paper or my desktop, I am thankful for the convenience that is the smartphone, and for now, I am sticking with it.

What I did want to do was be more aware of my scrolling, to use my phone to get information, rather than frittering away my time with it. Birchwood Pie Project commented on my February post that she took social media apps off her phone. I tried that and, voila, I did scroll less. I went on Instagram via my computer, and it was okay, but not as fun. I discovered that I like having Pinterest on my phone to save articles, though (and to view ones I have saved), so I did put that back on. I am just trying to use it to access information I already have, rather than to look at the suggested pins.

As Lent has started, I have not been going on Instagram at all, except on Saturdays, and only then to check the YSYD pose of the day. That is a fun habit for me. I go straight to the page, check the post, look at notifications, make sure no weird things have happened with my account, and log off. It is working so far. I have to admit that I fear missing some fun running events, though. I keep telling myself that this is a season.

I have caught myself scrolling on Facebook a little bit via my computer, as I have logged into to wish people a happy birthday. My high school class is also planning our next reunion and I don't want to miss out. But then I realize that the reunion will happen later, and I can catch up later. I am discovering that my fear of missing out fuels a lot of my scrolling.

For some reason, I still find myself scrolling podcasts and/or library books. I don't want to collect more, but somehow I do. I try to ask myself, "Is this how I want to spend my time?" That normally helps me stop earlier than I would if I stopped when I got to "the end."

What have I found myself doing more of? Reading. That has really gone up-both because I am walking a lot in my marathon recovery (as I like to walk and read), and because I am trying to use more of my down time to read now that social media is gone. 

I considered for a moment if I should take a break from reading again this Lent, but decided to embrace it as a good gift from God and enjoy it. There is fasting, and then there is asceticism. One is a spiritual discipline. One is works-based righteousness and a failure to let God be God. I am going for the former, not the latter. So LESS screen time and MORE reading it is.

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For anyone else who has taken a break from social media, what have you found yourself doing more? Please share in the comments!

LESS Scrolling (A Failed Attempt)

In my pursuit of less this year, I somewhat arbitrarily chose to try to scroll less this month. Spoiler alert: I failed. I didn’t cut down on my screen time this month. I tried. Really I did. But my scrolling and screen time actually went up, instead of down, week by week.

I noticed pretty quickly that when stress went up screen time went followed. [I think I noticed this in part due to a post by Birchwood Pie Project (2026) about how her screen time went down when she retired from work.) I know it’s not great, but it is true that sometimes social media scrolling does give dopamine hits (Sharp & Spooner, 2025). When things are crazy, it’s just nice to have something to scroll. It’s also a little more accessible to see small bits of information versus a ton of information all at once. I noticed that when I liked my books, I did scroll social media less and read more. Still, when attention span was short, social media was my go to. I told myself I was just trying to survive. And I did, sort of.

I try to fast from social media during Lent, so clearly I am going to have to figure this scrolling thing out. For now, though at least I am becoming aware of some of the contributors to scrolling (or not). I can see social media as a resource, and it has been, for example, teaching me things about running economy, running nutrition, running shoes, etc. It has also connected me to people in some fun ways, in some cases. For example, I find out about local running events on through social media. It's not really the social media that is bad, I guess. It's just the scrolling.

All in all I guess this hasn’t been a month of less, but more. At least in the more, I've been able to be more aware of my habits and patterns. Maybe overall this year needs to be out less self-condemnation and self-flagellation and more about things that actually benefit me. Hopefully less will always make room for more. In this case, the more has mostly been about awareness.

Reference:

The Birchwood Pie Project. (2026, January 2). I retired two months ago: Here's how it's going. https://birchwoodpie.blogspot.com/2026/01/i-retired-two-month-ago-heres-how-its.html

Sharpe, B. T., & Spooner, R. A. (2025). Dopamine-scrolling: a modern public health challenge requiring urgent attention. Perspectives in public health, 145(4), 190–191. https://doi.org/10.1177/17579139251331914

Using Social Media More Mindfully

I've talked about why I've kept social media. Now I'm talking about how I am trying to consume it more mindfully. Am I perfect? No how, no way! I am as bad at disassociating by scrolling as the next person. I am noticing when I enjoy using social more, however, and that is when I am using it mindfully.

I enjoy social media when I have time to engage with it. Yes, I often scroll through quickly for updates, but when I take time to read, comment, etc., I find it more enjoyable. Mary Jelkovsky (2023) reported that she only opens up social media when she has time to engage. This might be a stretch for me, but it is worth considering.

Considering the time factor, I try to keep loose track of how much time I have spent on social media. Apple screen time is great for this. For a time, I did try using the parental controls to limit my social media use, but it just made me frustrated and frantic, not the attitude I want to have towards social media. Now, when I check my daily or weekly usage of screen time and see that it is high, I ask myself if I want to stay on social media, or consider doing something else. Sometimes I choose to stay, and sometimes I choose to go.

Other ideas to engage social media mindfully are plentiful. I have my social media apps set to the second screen of my phone so that I have to intentionally scroll to partake of them (Burger, 2021). This does not take much, but requires just a bit more pause before consuming. It is good to consider my headspace while consuming social media, and to check in with myself if social media use is helping or hurting me that day (Shuck, 2023). Taking breaks, or sabbaths can also be helpful as resets. (I often do this during Lent. I used to do it every Sunday, though not as much recently.) To be more mindful about social media, I have to engage my mind, and this is often what social media use does not do.

Ultimately, mindful social media use, for me, comes down to mindset. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? Who am I doing it for? Is this serving me? Answering these questions is at least a start of a foundation towards better, wiser social media use.

References:

Burger, J.C. (2021, August 17). A minimalist’s guide to using social media wisely + mindfully. Simply Fiercely. https://www.simplyfiercely.com/consume-social-media-mindfully/

Harrison, C. (Host). (2023, May 22). The harms of social media, and giving up a career as a fitness influencer with Mary Jelkovsky (no. 8). [Audio podcast episode]. In Rethinking wellness. https://rethinkingwellness.substack.com/p/8-the-harms-of-social-media-and-giving

Shuck, C. (2023, April 7). Unlock the power of social media: 19 mindful practices to enhance your online experience. LinkedIn. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/unlock-power-social-media-19-mindful-practices-enhance-shuck#:~:text=Set%20boundaries%3A%20One%20of%20the,breaks%20from%20social%20media%20altogether.

Why I've Kept Social Media

I go back and forth about social media, as evidenced by the posts I have written about it over the years. While I can definitely use social media too much, it also has its benefits. Here are some of the current reasons I have decided to keep my accounts:

1) Instagram is a place for me to play. I enjoy taking photos, curating my feed, and even making things to post on it, like my current Friday scripture posts.

2) Social media helps me stay connected. Yes, I can get too connected, but at the same time, it gives me ways to keep in contact with people I care about, even at a distance. If I am wise, I can use what I see on social media to prompt me to pray.

3) I learn things. I have probably learned more about running and running nutrition through Instagram than anywhere else. I can absorb the short bits of information and then research more if I wish. Social media also helps me discover new recipes, find interesting reads, and learn new kitchen hacks. These benefit my live overall.

4) Social media plugs me into a place. Our city posts a lot of hidden gems on their social media accounts. They also post contests and prizes, one of which we recently won!

5) Information is fast. I often see notifications of new blogs, city news, etc. on social media before I see it elsewhere. I definitely have to fact check information, as fast information is not always true, but nonetheless, social media can apprise me of current happenings.

6) Social media is a form of exposure therapy. I can pick apart every picture I take, whether it be of food or flowers or people. Posting encourages me to accept the imperfections I see and enjoy the creativity and connection I get via posting.

7) I can encourage. Social media is definitely a place where people cut each other down, but does it have to be? Why not make it a place of encouragement? I still see social media as a street corner from which to proclaim hope, the ultimate hope of which is found in the gospel.

8) Social media is a funnel. Julia Turshen pointed this out in a recent podcast (Harrison, 2023). I post links to my blog through Facebook. Pinterest and other platforms can point me to things that interest me. Again, I can overuse social media and go down the “rabbit hole,” but when I don't it is pretty handy!

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Will I keep social media forever? Not necessarily. Life is a series of evolutions and evaluations. (For example, I primarily use Instagram now, whereas I used to primarily use Facebook. Who knows what it will be years from now). May the Lord give wisdom as I continue to weigh what works for me.

Reference:

Harrison, C. (Host). (2023, June 19). Cooking without wellness rules and how social media is like diet culture with Julia Turshen (no. 10). [Audio podcast episode]. In Rethinking wellness. https://rethinkingwellness.substack.com/p/10-cooking-without-wellness-rules

Going Without My Phone

I kept my phone in a different room while I ate. I almost didn't. I use my phone for a lot of things. Meal time is often the time that I get to look at social media, read articles, read books on Libby, and generally relax. But my challenge said to leave it, so I did. It was hard, way harder than I thought.

I wanted to take a photo of my pretty plate, but the phone was in the other room. I wanted to an item to my grocery list. The phone was in the other room. I wanted to google something. I wanted to check my crossword. I wanted to read my book. The phone was in the other room. I had to sit there, or find something else to do.

Going without my phone honestly made me a little panicky, both because I wanted stuff from it, and because I realized how much I relied on it. Going without my phone did slow me down some. It prompted me to do a few more paper crosswords and actually start the paper book I have had sitting at my spot at the table for a while. All good things.

I am not ready to give up my phone, or do as some are and get a flip phone. I think it is good for me to realize how much I use my phone. It's good to take a fast from it, even if just for short periods of the day. I am convinced that phones are here to stay, so it's best to learn how to live with them in godly ways. I'm not there yet, but this day of going without my phone at meals hopefully got me a little closer.

Fun Free: Not the Way It's Meant to Be

I once tried to live a fun-free life. Not one of my finer times, as you will see, but you know what? It is probably time to write about it, because maybe other people have been where I was, wondering if trying to live an ascetic life would help put things back in order. Spoiler alert: It did not work for me.

Back in February, I was really struggling. I felt awful about myself, the world, and just life in general. Stress was high. I could not seem to keep up with everything on my plate. My husband told me to cut out things to make time for rest. I, in an act of defiance, decided to give up fun, and literally dubbed the month, "Fun-Free February" in my mind. What did fun-free mean? No Facebook (or social media in general). Only educational podcasts. No fiction reading. No fingernail polish. No flour (my Lenten fast). No French (learning via DuoLingo). No Fussing. That last one was my end goal. I was hoping to become a better person by eliminating fun things. I thought if I told myself I could not have things, maybe I would long for what I did not have less. No, just the opposite.

I found it hard to give up social media. I found that I had used it to distance and numb myself out from real life. Endless scrolling is not good, and that is where I found myself. Cutting that out meant, theoretically, more time, but also more felt pain. Having no where to go to take a break only made my mental health worse.

Since I gave up Facebook, I also gave up Instagram. Instagram was also a scroll trap, but something I realized that I also used as a creative outlet. Well, no time for that. I still took pictures, because that is what I do, but I realized I got joy from sharing, and well, I had one less opportunity.

I listen to podcasts a lot. I did not stop for February, but I did focus on only listening to learning podcasts. That made me miss the occasional, "just for fun," episodes thrown in. I started to like listening to podcasts less.

I rarely read fiction, but I made a focus to avoid it in February, only reading non-fiction, preferably Christian life books. No problems with that. I finished four books. I felt deprived, though, and reading became more stressful because of what I imposed on myself.

No fingernail polish really did not affect my nails. It affected my feet, as I like to keep my toenails freshly painted. It is somewhat vanity, but also something that helps me like my body more. With running and yoga and stretching, I look at my feet a lot. I like my painted toes. My feet? Not so much. This month, I had to stare at my feet a lot. Seeing my nails bare only contributed to further self-loathing.

I chose my Lenten fast before I chose fun-free February. Lent has a purpose, and I learned from it. Fasting from flour at the same time as basically everything else was not the best idea, though. Depriving myself of everything all at once only deepened my struggles.

DuoLingo is love/hate for me. I started because my husband suggested it. I like to learn, but it became a burden. Having time off gave me a few more minutes in the morning. Not being able to do it when my brain craved learning, well, once again left me sitting with hard feelings.

I should probably note that February was not completely fun-free. I did celebrate Valentine's Day with my husband by playing tennis and making a special dinner. My mom came down to go hiking with me. I had a day off work for President's Day. I excused the former because they were with other people, and the latter, well, it was just the schedule. My end goal was to be better, especially for the people closest to me, e.g. family, friends, and coworkers, so I could not exclude their fun. I failed to better them with my fun-free month, though.

Taking all the fun out of my life made my negative emotions more extreme. I had no exhaust valve, so my emotions came out in even more meltdowns (e.g. shows of extreme negative emotions, often accompanied by tears). I was not fun to be around. My limitations placed limitations on my those around me, especially my husband. My tolerance was low. I was a hypocrite when it came to teaching others to care for themselves while not doing the same for myself. Fun-free February was not good for me, or for anyone around me.

Fun and pleasure can become idols. I can look to them instead of looking to God for comfort. That is a problem. Asceticism can become an idol, too, however. I can think that in taking things away from myself I can somehow become a better person. I cannot. Only God can work good in me.

God created humans with the capacity for joy (1 Tim 6:17). I think we are supposed to use it. Balancing fun with the rest of life looks different for everyone. There are obvious wrongs in the Bible, but outside that, balance is a matter of prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit. I have not discovered the perfect balance, but then again, I do not think I ever will. I just know that fun-free is not the way God created humans to be. February was long enough to prove that to me.

10K Number Two (And Why Social Media is a Highlight Reel)

I've been trying to run more and run longer. Trying to stay healthy. Trying to get ready for maybe something bigger. But it's been a fight. This race was a last minute addition to my schedule. "Maybe you should run another 10K before you commit to more," Mom said. So I signed up. But then my husband was sick. I had days on end of late nights due to getting called out for work. I struggled to sleep and eat enough. Friday, multiple parts of my body were sick. I thought about not running. But I knew I'd probably feel better if I did.

I tried to go to bed early Friday night, but I also knew I needed to eat. So I choked down this cinnamon raisin bread bowl:

And then I got hungry, like insanely hungry. So I drank peanut butter hot chocolate and ate some granola and peanuts. That kind of backfired, though, as my stomach got upset in the night and I didn't feel like eating my planned pre-race banana in the morning. Instead, I stuck with sipping on some electrolyte water.

Mom and I met at a shopping center and car pooled to the race. (Read: I am terrible with directions and would have struggled to make it there myself.) The men folk were busy, so it was just Mom and I. Groom Creek is up in the mountains of Prescott, and this race benefit the local firefighter's association, a cause I wholeheartedly support.

After arriving, we took a few photos and watched the half-marathon launch. I started to get hungry and sucked on a gel. (My supervisor at work gave these to me. The verdict is out on efficacy, BUT it didn't make me sick and assuaged my hunger, which was a plus.)

My race started at 9 am. A previous runner told me this race was easier than Whiskey Row. I disagree. This race was anything but easy. I mean, look at these ups and downs: 

The race also started at a significantly higher altitude. I started off slow, which seems to be the name of my game. But I got faster as I went.

I was really trying to 1) beat my previous pace, 2) keep up with a runner near me, and 3) catch speed on the downhills. [The splits show where those were.]

The result: 55:09 and 3rd place in my division. Praise the Lord.

But here's where social media is a highlight reel. (I said this when I posted on Instagram.) I was out of breath when I finished. I felt like I was getting, but dodged, a bloody nose. I didn't feel like eating afterward and had to force down food again. I had to run like five errands after the race. I didn't see my husband basically all day because he was preparing to be in a wedding. My mom was sick the night before the race, which she told me after we arrived.

Did I enjoy running? Yes. Should I have run? Maybe, maybe not. In the end, I'm glad I did. I'm thankful for the opportunity and the health to do so. But...I don't want to glamorize my life or make it look like things come easily. Life (and running) is work. Sometimes you get out what you put in. Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you need to press through the wall and sometimes you need to rest. Wisdom is rightly assessing all the information and making the best decision for yourself, and for others. That's hard to do. And social media can in no way fully represent that struggle.

Ten kilometers two is a wrap. We'll see what happens from here. Check social media for highlights, but always know there is more to the story.

Wasted Time

I've caught myself "wasting time" a few nights lately. I've been sitting scrolling through social media, or researching stupid stuff, or just...sitting. And I've started to judge myself. But then the Spirit prompted me to have a little self-compassion. I've been living life at a breakneck speed. I've been busy, busy, busy, and often have not had time to even cross off the things on my daily to-do list. It's a rare occasion that I actually have time to spare.

And when I have time to spare, it makes sense that I don't know what to do with it. It makes sense that I am tired, that I just want to veg. And some nights that's all I seem to be able to do.

So I've been letting myself sit. I've been letting myself off the hook of having to be productive before bed. I've been heading for snack time earlier and lingering over the newspaper a little longer. Or I've been telling myself it's okay if I just want to go to sleep early. 

There is a time for productivity and work, but sometimes I need a break. Sometimes I need "wasted time" to remind me to give thanks for work. Sometimes I need wasted time to remind me how good productivity feels. Sometimes I need wasted time to signal that I need more rest.

So I guess what I'm saying is that "wasted time" really isn't wasted. It's a teacher, and one I'm learning from, maybe not forever, but at this time in life, and probably again in the future.

Self-Discipline

Remember that post I wrote about my tangled life and getting back to the basics? Yeah, much as I would like to say I've done that, I haven't. When I'm tired and burning out, I really struggle to do what I need to do. I stay up late when I need to sleep. I put off meal prepping when I need to have solid nutrition to get me through my long days. I stay on social media instead of cleaning and organizing. I delay exercise until I have to rush to get it done. I don't make time for Bible reading and devotions. And it becomes a vicious cycle.

I know what I need to do, and I don't do it. There's got to be room for a little grace, but I've also go to have some self discipline. Because if I know what I need to do and I don't do it, I am the only one to blame for the consequences that result.

When Life is Tangled

I've kind of hit a wall in life lately. I'm smiling in this picture, but if you look closely, you'll notice a few things:

-I'm wearing two watches because that's how much I have to keep track of time.
-I'm carrying my lunch box with only a few fingers because I'm also trying to hold my keys.
-All the pockets of my backpack are partly or fully open, and stuff is about to fall out.
-The spiral binding of my notebook has come off and is stuck on a flap of said backpack.

Basically, I'm a mess. And that's my life. When I get to this stage, I need to take a step back. I need to get back to the basics and focus on the essentials:

• Having a consistent sleep schedule.
• Eating regularly.
• Keeping things clean and organized.
• Staying physically active.
• Remaining plugged in to truth (e.g. The Bible, God's Word)

When life gets messy, things get tangled. My priorities get out of whack. I get tired and exhausted and confused and emotional and overwhelmed. But when I get back to the basics, things tend to settle and relax and I can regain some focus. May God give me strength to major on the majors and let the rest of the stuff of life sort itself out.

Social Media as Catalyst, Not Connection

I've felt extra lonely lately. And I've noticed that when I'm really lonely, I scroll social media for hours. (Okay, maybe I do this when I'm bored, too.) I scroll looking for something to touch my heart, for something to impact my mind, for something to make me feel less alone. You know what? It doesn't work.

Brene Brown writes in her book, Braving the Wilderness that social media is a catalyst for connection, but not a substitute for community. “Face-to-face connection is imperative in our true belonging practice,” she writes (p. 140). Man, I think she's right.

When I've had a long day at work, when I'm tired and alone and just want someone to understand, I scroll. I look for belonging. And most of the time I don't find it. What I mostly find are beautiful lives, lived in beautiful places, with a beautiful lack of struggle. There's some honesty, but most of what I see is the reverse of what I have, and it makes me angry and envious and more tired.

On the other hand, when I actually get out in community, when I force myself to make face-to-face connections, I come home tired and exhausted, but a good tired and exhausted. I find that I don't want or need to check Instagram or Facebook or Pinterest. I'm content, ready to shower, eat my snack, and head to bed. I've had my fill. I've filled and been filled, and I'm ready to accept my aloneness, to belong to myself and live my own life without comparison.

Social media isn't bad. There is some real and great and honest stuff out there. But overusing social media is bad, at least for me. When I try to make it something it's not, a substitute for community, it fails. I fail.

So here's to using social media as a catalyst, not a connection. To connecting with real humans, with real hearts, in real places. To experiencing the beauty that is life lived with real people, even if that includes real struggle.

Fasting From Social Media: Lent Part 1

I took a break from social media for Lent this year. Okay, so I didn't take a break from all social media. I deactivated my Pinterest and Instagram accounts and deleted the apps from my phone. I decided not to use my phone at the kitchen table. I chose not to check my favorite blogs for updates. And I did it for 40 days.

Why this fast? Because social media had lost its proper place in my life. I needed to remember that Jesus is my comfort. I needed to re-center.

What did I learn? 

1) I crave the mindlessness of social media. I found myself scrolling Facebook more during Lent since I'd eliminated the other sources of social media in my life. Fail there, but I decided to be gracious with myself. At least I was aware of my habit

2) My focus improves when I read on paper versus on a screen. I found myself more engaged and doing less skimming when I read paper books. In replacing my breakfast screen time with books, I was able to complete three and get a few more items off my #bucketlistproject.

3) I really didn't miss much. I returned to blog reading and Pinterest on Easter Sunday. I'd made a list of blog posts I'd seen on Facebook and wanted to read, and I blew through those in a few days. They weren't that earth-shattering in their content. As the days have progressed and I've returned to reading blog posts, I've found them less satisfying. They're just not fulfilling, and they shouldn't be.

4) That Instagram might be too much for me. I haven't re-activated my account. I'm not sure if I will. Instagram is beneficial for things like happy lists, but it's also one more thing to keep up with. I like seeing friends posts and receiving content that way, but it's also overwhelming and overstimulating. Stay tuned to see what I decide.

Has anyone else taken a break from social media? If so, what did you learn? Please share in the comments section.

*I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for this Thinking Out Loud post. 

The "F-Word"

I'd like to address a trend I've seen on Instagram: using the "f-word" towards things (especially psychiatric disorders) and people. (I'm assuming that I don't need to spell out the word for you and that you know what word I'm talking about.) 

I know that the "f-word" is a cuss word and that people like to use it to describe how they feel. But when they do that, are they remembering what the "f-word" means? To be explicit, yet vague, it's a term used to describe sexual intercourse. Given that, do people really want to "f" depression, eating disorders, OCD, negative opinions, and critical words? Sexual intercourse is an intimate act. Do people really want to get intimate with psychiatric disorders and people who are cruel? I don't think so. I think they want these things to "bug off," to "get lost."

The first time I heard someone use the "f-word" correctly was in a description of a sexual assault the person endured. That wasn't a good thing. So again I ask, do people really want to use the "f-word?" Do they want to speak of the thing that are violent to thm (e.g.the depression that steals people's happiness, eating disorders that strip bodies of nutrients and health, OCD that torments people with obsessions, negative opinions that lead to guilt and shame) using a word associated with violence? I don't think so! 

William Madsen, a narrative therapist, suggests that the language people use is important. In his book Collaborative Therapy with Multi-Stressed Families he writes, “Militaristic metaphors such as beating, kicking, or thrashing a problem fit with patriarchal ways of being in the world and have the potential to replicate those ways of being at the same time that we are seeking alternatives to them” (p. 208). Based on his assertion and the thought I've shared above, I'd like to make a suggestion: If you're really upset about something, use your words. Describe the negative effect that thing has had on your life. Show pictures of the devastation. Ask another person to write a testimony about what they saw you experience. Just don't use the "f-word." It's not descriptive. It will keep some people from reading your post. And most of all, it will further propel the trend of fighting violence with violence.