The Latest in Healthy Treats

 I am not going to jump on the "sugar is bad" train. It is good, at least it tastes good. Not always does it make me feel, good, though. Therefore, I like to keep some naturally sweet, and/or less sweet treats on hand for when I want something fun to eat, but maybe not something that will bring on a crash afterward. These snacks fit the bill!

Peanut butter protein balls (Natalie's Health)

No bake, and chock full of healthy ingredients! I substituted honey for the maple syrup, but otherwise made the recipe as is.

Protein cookie dough (Eating Bird Food)

I changed this one up a bit, using unflavored protein powder plus 2 t vanilla, substituting peanut butter for almond butter, omitting coconut sugar, and using regular chocolate chips. Not super sweet, but I cut it into rectangles after refrigerating and it was kind of like less sweet chocolate chip cookie dough Lara bars.

3 ingredient banana oatmeal cookies (Bucket List Tummy)

Whir two bananas and 1/4 c peanut butter in the blender. (I thawed some frozen bananas, drained them of the liquid, and used the Magic Bullet for blending.) Add to 1 1/2 cups of oatmeal. Form into balls. Squish and bake at 350 for 11-14 minutes. Simple, easy, and surprisingly satisfying!

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What are your favorite not too sweet treats? 

Please share in the comments section!

Interdependence: My Needs, His Wants

I got Botox injections in my arm a few weekends ago. I am supposed to avoid as much repetitive motion with that arm to avoid the Botox spreading and causing overall weakness instead of treating the spasms cause by my focal dystonia. Fortunately for me, my husband was home to help me with as much as I needed. Did I let him help me? No, not really. He offered, and even repeatedly asked to help, and I still tried to do most things myself. Why? Because I have self-worth issues, because I don’t want to need to be helped, because I hate being needy. Basically, because I am prideful. Over the course of the weekend, though, I had a realization. I need to be needed. I want to be needed, especially by my husband. What if he needs and wants the same things? What if I’m furthering my own issues, and by proxy, causing issues for us as a couple by refusing help? There may be more to need than I thought.

We are created in marriage to be interdependent. After all, help for the man Adam was cause for God to create Eve. The husband’s care for his wife is supposed to image Christ and the church (Eph 5:25-33). Paul tells readers that carrying one another’s burdens fulfills the law of Christ (Gal 6:2). We are not to be codependent, depending on each other for identity and worth, but to be each other’s helpers. 

I tend towards codependency, towards needing my husband to need me to feel worthwhile. That is not healthy, especially since my husband is pretty independent and as he puts it, "has very low needs." There are certainly ways I can serve him, but sometimes I stake my worth on him needing me, which in a basic sense, he does not. But what if, because of marriage, he needs me in a different sense? In a co-laboring sense? To be my helper. That would not be co-dependence, but interdependence, a sharing of the load. That would be right.

I talked to my husband after my realization, and he reported that he indeed does not need me to need him. He is fine with me being independent. He reported that he wants to help me, though. He wants us to be interdependent, and he recognizes that this requires work on his part.  And here I am trying to do all the work because I am prideful and do not want to admit my weakness, even when it is medically induced. (Believe me, I have plenty of other weaknesses in my body, as well as my character.)

Marriage is a lifelong and messy process. As Mike Mason writes in his book, The Mystery of Marriage, “The wedding is merely the beginning of a lifelong process of handing over absolutely everything, and not simply everything that one owns but everything that one is” (p. 21). I have not gotten there yet. I am very independent, and at the same time, dependent. I need the beautiful emptiness of myself that occurs in interdependence. To get closer to that, I am going to have to let my husband help me. And I am going to have to look for ways to help him, not just wait for him to need me. We have work to do, but that is marriage. Working together is marriage, until the marriage supper of the Lamb when we will no longer be interdependent, but rather forever dependent on Christ, the Bridegroom of the church.

Why Married Folks Need Single Friends (And Vice Versa)

Marriage is a beautiful gift. I do not take it for granted, as I was single for many years. Marriage is not the be-all, end-all, over. Marriage cannot possibly meet all my needs. I need to first look to God for my needs, then my spouse, and then the other people God gives to me, aka friends. Yes, I still need friends, and to be more specific, I need single friends and my single friends, I would argue, need married friends. There is a beautiful symbiosis that happens in the church with the single and married mingle.

Many of my friends married before I did. Though I sometimes felt out of sorts or left out due to their change in status, we remained friends. I learned about wedding planning from those friends. I watched the ups and down of their marriages and childbearing. I had a chance to support the marriages of friends and speak truth into their lives from the perspective of a single person, and they had the opportunity to do the same for me. I had the opportunity to see and spend time with their children, and sometimes, to give them a break from their children. I needed my married friends, and though their priorities may have changed, my friends still chose to spend time with me. I appreciated that.

As a married woman, I can tell you that I still need my single friends as well. I need single friends' perspective to remind me that my marriage is a gift. I need their perspective to help me see my sin. I need to be able to confess my sin to them and have them help me work through it from objective positions. I appreciate that they are at times more available to me than my married friends and I hope I do no take their time for granted. My single friends are a gift, even in seasons where they may feel wanting of the gift of marriage.

Being married is not better. Being single is not better. They are both good (and at the same time, hard) gifts from God. The married and the single are created to comingle and interact as part of the church corporate. The church may separate them at times, but this is not always for the best. We did to do life together, married and single.

Silly Mountain: Easy to Moderate Hiking

I found a new mountain! (Or rather, my friend introduced me to it.) A thirty minute or less drive from downtown Mesa, Silly Mountain is a little oasis in the Apache Junction desert. It does not look like much, and in truth, it does not look like much, but if you are looking for a little challenge, some beautiful scenery, and a pretty customizable hike, this is it!

Directions: Drive US 60-East to Mountain View Road. Turn left. Turn right on 32nd Avenue, right on Silly Mountain Road and park in the dirt lot on either the right or the left. The trail head is right there! (Note: the only bathrooms here are one portapotty.) 

Silly Mountain's trails range from 150 feet to 0.7 miles long. Yes, they are short! That is what makes it fun. You can hike one or any number of them. If you want no hike at all, you can take the short Botanical Walk/Interpretative Trail to introduce you to lots of different native vegetation. (The signage is awesome!) Otherwise, Brittle Brush connects you with Old Mine, Superstition View, and Palo Verde. 

Coyote Loop connects Old Baldy to Jackrabbit. Crest connects to Huff and Puff and Old Baldy. High point gets you to the summit with views galore! 

If you do them all, you get nice views of the Superstition Mountains, Apache Junction, and about 3.9 miles. 

There is a little climbing, a little bit of loose rock, and people here and there, but those are the few and far between drawbacks of this mountain.

I do not have kids, but I saw several families with kids, and this looked like a great place to introduce them to the great experience that is hiking!All in all, it's a winner, and one I would recommend to anyone who can walk at least a little bit! 

I Read My Bible Standing Up.

Confession: Most days, I read my Bible standing up. So what? You might ask. I am reading on my phone. I am reading on the go. I read one handed while I do physical therapy exercises. I read as I go on morning walks. I read as I foam roll. I rarely actually sit down to read my paper Bible. I feel like I am "cheating," like I'm not giving my reading the full focus I should. I feel like reading on my phone is less worthwhile than reading my paper Bible. Maybe it is, but this is life right now, and I'm trying to prioritize reading. Reading standing up in one way I do it.

As I thought about my Bible reading one morning as I walked and read, I had a new insight. The Spirit brought to mind Deuteronomy 6:6-7 where Moses says,

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. (New International Version)

I guess I am unintentionally fulfilling that commandment right now: reading while I am out and about, reading on the go, thinking about and meditating on God's word as I move about. Reading standing up is not what I set out to do. I set out to read my Bible daily (instead of listening to it, or just not doing it.) By God's grace I am. My style may be atypical, but maybe, by God's provision, it actually has some benefit. When I have the opportunity to sit down and read my paper Bible, I will, and I will enjoy it. But when I don't, I will probably keep reading my Bible standing up. It is a way to keep God's commandments on my heart, as the Bible commands that I do.

Real Life Marriage: Where is My Sin?

I got really super frustrated about something the other night. I knew that it did not matter in the sense of eternity (in fact, I had just listened to a podcast about priorities in light of eternity), but I was still really irritated. So I started asking, "Where is my sin?" "Where is my sin?" At first, I could not figure it out. I felt like the matter at hand was a matter of preference, a matter of comfort. I needed and wanted it, but it was not necessary, so why could I not let it go? As I continued to think and ponder, I realized the issue at hand was that I was feeling unsafe in my circumstances. An issue? Yes. But the sin associated? Looking to people, places, and things instead of God for comfort. That was a bigger issue.

In the course of my marriage thus far, I have realized time and time again that I can seek comfort in my husband instead of in God. My husband is a tremendous gift and a source of comfort, but when I make him the source of comfort, I place him in the role of God, which is not his place. Then, when my husband does not do all that I expect him, too. I get really upset, sad, and angry. I need to rely on God first, and then as God directs, allow my husband to give some comfort.

There is a place for sharing with my husband my needs for comfort and safety. Before God, he has some responsibility to caring for me. Assessing how well he is doing, though, is not my primary job. When I find myself feeling uncomfortable or unsafe, my job is to ask, "Where is my sin?" I need to ask the Holy Spirit to convict me of what I am idolizing and confess and repent. Might my husband have sin? Yes, but dealing with his sin is not my job. My job is dealing with my sin. May the Spirit help me do it.

Making The Case for Short Engagement

(Photo by Sharon Lane)

Our two year anniversary could be this week. But it's not. It's our two year and two month anniversary. We chose to get married pretty quickly, and looking back, I do not regret it. Overall, I would advocate for short engagements. (Ours was three months.) Here are some reasons why:

1) Short engagements help reduce temptation. We believe in abstinence before marriage. We chose not to even kiss before marriage because we felt that would preserve the purity of our dating relationship. Knowing we wanted to get married brought a lot of emotional and mental closeness, and with that the desire for physical closeness as well. Keeping our engagement short helped us keep the sanctity of marriage in mind so that we could preserve ourselves for it.

2) Short engagements force focus. Short engagements leave little time for frivolity. There is enough time to plan the important parts of the wedding, but not enough to debate the details. I will admit that we came close to the deadline on some things, but in the end, we got married and that is what counts!

3) Short engagements reduce stress (or at least the duration of the stress). My husband said when we got engaged and planned a quick wedding that if we were going to stress, it might as well be for the shortest time possible. I am not sure how much he stressed. (I married a calm guy!) I know I stressed, but seeing the end in sight helped me cope. It also reduced the duration of the effects of stress on my body, one of the things that I think helped me stay well, rather than getting sick like many brides do after their big day.

Do I recommend short engagements for everyone? No. I think there is a lot of merit in pre-marital counseling and preparation. I think it it is important to know that you are really ready to marry someone, and that feelings are not just a matter of infatuation. People need to consider the costs and benefits of the commitment of marriage. They need to know what marriage means I might advocate that younger people date longer (not necessarily stay engaged longer) for this reason. Long engagements may be necessary in some situations. I do not condemn them. I just think that if couples choose long engagements, they need to also make plans to address temptation, overthinking, and the stresses of wedding planning.

Take it or leave it, this is my advice: Date long enough to know you are sure you want to marry and that you are at peace with God about it. Get engaged when you know you want to get married. Keep the engagement short and get intensive premarital counseling during it. Then go get married and start living the "one flesh" life. It is not easy and you will need a lifetime to learn it.

The Good Wife

I want to be a good wife, really, I do! But then I find myself selfishly wanting my own way, griping, criticizing my husband, getting bitter, etc. I stomp around, shut cabinet doors loudly, and fill our home with negative words. Not my finest moments. And even when I'm not overtly being a sinner, when I'm really trying to be "good," there's just the burdens of who I am: my sensitivities, my need for routine, my anxieties, a job that takes a lot out of me, etc. All I want is to be a blessing to my husband, and in my self-assessment, I am anything but that.

Proverbs 31 sets forth some pretty high standards for the Christian woman. The Proverbs 31 woman is "all that" and change. She blesses her husband. She works. She tends to her family. She cares for the poor. She praises the Lord. Her children bless her at the gate. Proverbs mentions none of her faults, if she even had any (what woman doesn't, though?), meanwhile I am over here stacking up a list of sins to heaven. How could I ever be a "good wife," let alone compare to this lady?

I read a different verse about being a wife in Proverbs recently, though, one that caught me off guard. "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22, New International Version [NIV]). Really? A wife is good? A wife brings her husband favor? Well, maybe not this wife. I am not exactly a treasure, and that is my own judgment of myself! As I read the commentary, though, I became convicted.

"God brought together the first husband and wife."

Well, God did bring together my husband and I. I fully believe that!

"God gave marriage between a man and woman as a gift to humanity."

Marriage is a gift to me, I mean my husband is a gift to me. I just don't know about the statement in reverse.

"For a wife, though she be not the best of her kind, is to be esteemed a blessing, being useful both for society of life...and for the mitigation of a man’s cares and troubles, and for the prevention of sins.” (Poole, as cited in Guzik, 2017).

A wife is supposed to have a purpose. Fulfilling her purpose is what makes her a blessing.

"Marriage, with all its troubles and embarrassments, is a blessing from God; and there are few cases where a wife of any sort is not better than none" (Clarke, as cited in Guzik, 2017).

Having a wife is better than no wife? Really? Sometimes I feel like my husband would be better off without me. I mean, we got married later in life, and he did pretty well without me. But this suggests commentary suggests something different, that even if I am a "bad wife," I might bright my husband some good.

"God said that it was not good that be alone. His gift of Eve to Adam was a demonstration of God’s favor, and He still gives that gift of favor."

Okay, Lord, maybe the position of wife is good, even if by nature, the wife is not good.

"The wording, especially in the Heb., strikingly resembles that of Proverbs 8:35, and so suggests that after wisdom itself, the best of God’s blessings is a good wife" (Kidner, as cited in Guzik, 2017).

Second only to wisdom? Come on, now! That's a pretty high honor! Maybe there is something to this!

I am not a good wife, at least not on my own. I am a sinner to the nth degree. Jeremiah 17:9 affirms that: "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" But God says marriage is good. God says having a wife is good. It is all there in the Scripture, so I had better start believing it. And by God's grace and the Holy Spirit's regenerative power, maybe I can slowly start acting like it, overcoming my sin nature to become what God intends me to be, not a good wife, but a wife who is good for her husband. A wife who is what her husband needs, according to God's assessment and design, and not her own.

Capacity

I am the weaker vessel. I am less strong than my husband and more needy. I fall apart relatively easily and need lots of support. I continually find that I don't have the bandwidth for all of the activities that other people do, or even for all of the responsibilities on my plate. I get tired easily. I need a lot of sleep, and food, and alone time. Take any of that away and I am a mess. When I get into a mess, it also takes me long time to recover from it. My capacity is just low. My limited capacity has persistently bothered me, and I am still reckoning with it.

I heard a sermon some time ago about spiritual gifts, and about how God gives believers capacity and then fills it. Fills it. Even a small capacity. If I believe that God is perfect, and I do (at least at a head level), that means my small capacity is not a mistake. It means God has given me everything I need, and that I do not need to grasp for more. It means that I can do everything God calls me to do in his strength (and likely that all that capacity expanding stuff is not for me.) After all, 2 Peter 1:3 says: "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness" (New International Version). 

If God has given me everything I need, that means that God's gift of grace is just right for my capacity. Instead of mourning my lack, I can give thanks for God's sufficiency. As Ephesians 4:7 "But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it." In Romans 11:29, the Apostle Paul writes, "God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable." If God has filled my capacity for my calling, my capacity is not going to change. So I had better get to work accepting it, and maybe on cutting out the things that surpass it.

How I see my capacity affects how I use it. If I see myself as lacking, I am either sitting around mourning my lack, or striving for more, working outside my gifting and calling. Neither one brings honor to God. Mourning my lack is like burying my talent. (See the parable in Matthew 25:14-30). It says that God might have made a mistake. And operating outside my calling says the same, or that I think I can somehow outsmart the way God wired me. It is not going to work. I remember reading something Kylie Mitchell wrote about her husband saying, 'You don’t know your capacity until you’re past it.” Recognizing symptoms of being past capacity means I have a lot of bailing out to do. That does not reserve time or space or energy to do what calls me to do.

So what is God calling me to do? To be faithful with my gifts. To be faithful to where God has called me. With my limited capacity, or maybe what I should rephrase as my God-given capacity, that means basically means three things: following God, working, and being faithful to the calling of marriage. Not much, if you ask some. Honestly, too much if you catch me on my bad days. But this capacity of mine, these responsibilities, are what God has given me. May I learn to be content, so that God can truly fill and use me as He (not I!) sees fit.