Look Where You're Going

"Walk on," you say to the horse and give it a little squeeze with your heels. You think the horse should move, but it doesn't. And then your instructor says, "Look where you're going, and the horse will follow." You unglue your eyes from the saddle horn and squeeze again. "Walk on," you say, and the horse starts moving in a forward direction.

Where the eyes go, the life follows. That's a lesson I've learned time and time again, both in my years working with horses, and in my life in general. And lately, the Holy Spirit just keeps driving that message home. You've probably noticed the theme of perspective in some of my recent posts:

Instead of looking for dysfunction, God is teaching me to look for health, because in so doing, I celebrate life and find more joy.

Instead of getting down on myself, I am learning to treat myself as a child of God, so that I can give love to others.

And there's more:

There was the sermon at church about how we need to focus not so much on the fact that we sin, but on what we do when we sin, because it's our response that drives our forward motion. "Put all your effort into living for the glory of God," the pastor said, "and it will be harder to do the things you do not want to do."

I'm reading a book about marriage by John Piper who says we need to focus less on the benefits of marriage and more on the God who created marriage and holds it together. Otherwise, marriage can become an idol, and when that happens, marriage can fail.

Another book reminded me to focus on strengths, rather than weaknesses in relationships, because gratitude and appreciation is what makes relationships thrive.

In my work with kids, I've found that helping them focus on their good decisions promotes positive identity development, helps them make more good decisions.

Hebrews 12:1-2 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (New International Version, NIV).

Eyes on the prize. Look where you're going. Don't ignore the bad, or the pain, or the sorrow, or the poor choices, but look in the direction you want to go. Seek out the good. Your life follows your focus.

Coming Home

“He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: 'Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.'”

~Matthew 18:2-3

I made the decision to move back Arizona a little over two years ago. On faith, I decided to pack up and leave, without a job, relationship, or a place of my own to go to. It has been a rough several years, but despite all the twists and turns of life, I feel like I'm finally coming home.

Coming home in a lot of ways looks like becoming a child again. I live with my mom and dad. Little brother was home for awhile. Though Mom and Dad treat me as an adult and respect me, we are once again making family memories over kid things like meals and grocery shopping and hiking.

I am regularly engaging in kid activities in my daily life. I ride bikes with a kid every other week for work. I went kayaking for the first time in 20 years a few Sundays ago. This year, I hung out with horses for the first time since I moved home. I do a lot more art. The things that mattered to me as a kid (and even some that didn't) are suddenly coming back into my life.

My relationship with my body has had its fits and starts, but I feel like I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin. I've become un-vegetarian since moving home and eat a lot more “fun food” because it's available. I now enjoy pizza most weekends, a favorite “kid food.” I wear yoga pants more than jeans, and that's okay, both with me and with work. Yoga pants/leggings were my favorite attire growing up, and they are becoming so again. Why not wear comfy when I can?

When as a child, I first told Mom what I wanted to do with my life, she told me that she couldn't see me sitting behind a desk. I got a little upset, but she was right. My job has been hard, but I feel like I'm finally starting to own it. I play with kids A LOT, and it's fun. My employer embraces atypical services and that's a good thing for me. Hard as this job may be, I feel like I'm doing what I was designed to do since I was a child: helping people.

Brene Brown writes, “We can't selectively numb emotion. Numb the dark and you numb the light.” Children generally don't know how to numb. They learn that “skill” as they experience trauma and hardship and disappointment. They start to tune out life as a means of survival. God doesn't want us to live like that. He wants us to live out of faith and trust and a belief that He is good and that there is good in the world created. He wants us to celebrate the good amidst the bad.

I've been “home” for almost two years, but I feel like I'm finally coming home, home to myself and to the person God created me to be. The highs are high and the lows are low, but I am finally feeling them and integrating them into my existence. God is bringing me to a place of more authentic living, to increased reliance and dependence on Him, and that is where I need to dwell. Praise be to Him!

Fresh 15 Race Weekend + Visit to Family

I wrote about my travel oopsies on Monday. Now I'll share about the travel blessings, 15 of them to be exact. See, I had it on my #bucketlistproject to visit my brother and sister-in-law and run a 5K together. Brother suggested the 5K that accompanied the Fresh 15, and I was like, "Okay. Here we go!" There were certainly more blessings than these, but these are my tops:

1) Seeing the sights of everyday life for my brother and sister-in-law.

2) Meeting my cat-niece.

3) Picnic in the park.

(Spinach sweet crisp salad from The Corner Bakery)

4) Target shopping. Brother humored me and I found one shirt, plus a dress I didn't need, but can use for Easter.

5) Home cooked meals by team brother and sister-in-law. (They've got a system!)

6) Finishing the 5K (not my fastest time, but done!)

7) This is only the second 5K for Sister-in-law, and she finished well. I'm pretty stinkin' proud of her!

8) Doubling over in laughter at the silliest of things

9) Sushi + Thai food

10) Catching up with the hostess of my first trip to visit brother in his "real life."

11) Spending plenty of time outside.

(Look at the ponies I saw!)

12) Good old gospel singing and Scripture-preaching at church on Sunday

(I'm the shorty of the family.)

13) Lunch with a soul-friend

(She treated me to shrimp remoulade salad at Newk's.)

14) Long and leisurely naps

15) Overall quality time with people I love