Six Lessons I've Learned From Being Sick

I hate being sick. Really, I do. But I also believe God is sovereign. And with me being such a doer, it seems like God often lets me get sick to remind me to slow down and rest. It's not the way I prefer to learn, but it seems like that is what God is allowing. So, without further ado, here's a few lessons I'm learning from this go-round with illness:

1. Being sick is out of my control. I can do everything I can to promote health and well-being, and still get sick. I can't actually control my body's ability to fight off the germs. I can control my response to illness, however. I need to work on acceptance.
2. Life is a gift, not a given. I often live life like I deserve it. I too often take for granted that every breath I take, every word I speak, every move I make is a gift. I am blessed, even if I get sick sometimes.
3. Nutrition matters. I'm not always hungry when I'm sick, but if I don't eat, how will my body have energy to recover? Some people rejoice when they're sick and lose weight. Not me! I want to feel better and get my energy back.
4. Some things I think are priority really aren't. When I'm forced to decide what really matters, there are less things than I think. Cleaning, exercise, looking good, makeup, overtime, etc. can all go out the window. I'll work the limited amount I need to and go home. I'd rather rest and get better.
5. Kleenex exists for a reason. I'm not a big fan of Kleenex and it seems like an unneeded luxury...until I get sick and have a runny nose. And then the softness of Kleenex is almost a necessity. Right now, I'm really thankful for Kleenex.
6. Having a support system matters. I'm so paranoid about germs that I'm not always present when people are sick. But the people I love are present for me when I'm sick. Their company and kind words make a difference.

Being sick isn't fun, but may I trust God more because of it. And may He be glorified even in, and especially in my illness.

Not For a Moment

Every family that I saw Friday was sick. And the germs of some particular little one settled into my body Saturday afternoon, leaving me with a sore throat yesterday, and knocking me down for the count today. I've been in bed or on the couch most of the day.

With the little brain power I've had, though, I started reading the book Unshakeable Hope: Building Our Lives on the Promises of God by Max Lucado. Some particular lines stuck out to me, but the idea that struck was this, "Who is God?" 

I am honestly irritated about being sick. It's not a good time. My head hurts. My energy levels near zero. I wanted to do some other things. But God. Who is God in this, and what are His promises?

As I pondered that question, lines from a song by Meredith Andrews started to run through my head:

"After all You are constant. After all You are only good. After all You are sovereign. Not for a moment will You forsake me."

And I thought, God is still sovereign. God is still in control. Not for a moment did this take Him by surprise. And who am I to doubt his promises?

"Not for a moment will you forsake me." So when I'm down, when I'm sick, I will choose to remember who God is. In this moment, even a moment when my throat burns, or my head pounds, or germs torment my body, I will choose to praise Him.

All People Have Value. Some Have Priority.

"All people have equal value. Some have more priority." I talked about that with at least two people yesterday. And today, I had to practice what I preached. I set some boundaries at work, and honestly, I felt bad for saying, "No" to coworkers and families. But I also knew I needed to say, "No" to preserve energy for the people that are the most important. And guess what? When I came home, my parents needed me to help them run some errands and take care of some business things for them. 

Were my coworkers or the families I said, "No" to today any less valuable than my family? No. All people have equal value because God created them in His image. But some people do have more priority, especially in this season of my life.

Brene Brown in her book, Daring Greatly, talks about an exercise to help determine whose opinions matter. She suggests taking a one-inch by one-inch square of paper and writing down names of people who you love and who love you. They are who matter, she says. Right now, my square of important people might be even smaller than one-inch by one-inch. But you know what? That's okay. As long as I'm clear about the people who are my priorities, and I make them my priorities.

Boundaries suck sometimes, but they keep the good stuff in, and the less than good stuff out. The people on the other side of my boundary fence right now are as equally valuable as the people on my side. But the people on my side have priority. And if I keep throwing myself over the fence to save the people on the other side, I'll lose all energy for the ones closest to me.

So here's to acknowledging the worth of all people, but asking the Holy Spirit for help to prioritize my people. It's a battle, but one worth fighting.

I Don't Deserve This...

I've been overwhelmed with well-wishes, kind cards, and sweet sentiments in this season leading up to our wedding. Thank you to all who have encouraged us and prayed for us! Your words mean a lot.

In this time of well wishes, however, I sense a need to set something straight: I've done nothing to "deserve" Chris or marriage. At best, I've repented of my many sins and invited the Holy Spirit to do His ongoing work of sanctification in my life. I've committed to follow the Lord and tried to honor Him with my life. At worst, I've moaned and groaned. I've lamented the life God has given me. I've been discontent. I've complained. I've questioned God to the point of borderline doubting His sovereignty. I've been jealous and angry and bitter. The thing I really deserve is God's righteous wrath. To say I deserve anything else would be improper theology. And to say I deserve the blessing of marriage because of the way I've lived would be to tell all my beautiful single friends that they're not doing something right. I refuse.

I am an imperfect person. Chris is an imperfect person. But God, in His grace, has brought us two imperfect sinners to the cusp of a union that can  conform us individually and corporately into the image of Christ. That's a blessing. That's a privilege. And it's a blessing and privilege that can only come from God and that will take God's infinite power to make it work.

I don't deserve any of this...but God. God deserves everything. To Him be ALL glory!

Enjoying Instead of Expecting

I had a little bit of a crash and burn birthday the first year I was home. I had big expectations for the day, not necessarily in terms of gifts and celebrations, but in terms of what I wanted to do.

But then I got a little cold. My parents ran late. The restaurant I wanted to go to had a long wait. My blood sugar got low and I got hangry/chicken little syndrome. I demanded that my parents take me home, and I didn't eat anything but a quesadilla and carrot sticks for dinner. (This isn't great, I know, but the truth.) Eventually we rescheduled the dinner date and celebrated, but the whole thing kind of put a damper on my birthday.

You would think I learned from that experience, but this year, I felt expectations rising again. I didn't want a big celebration for my birthday. (In fact, I told my parents that.) But I specific ideas of how I wanted things to go.

And the Spirit convicted me. I had all these expectations. I was falling prey to fear. I was getting anxious and irritable and overall not nice. I felt the Spirit say to me, "Stop expecting. Starting enjoying."

That really loosened my grip on things. By God's grace, I was able to let go a little and go with the flow. And the day really went well, which was a blessing. But maybe the greatest gift was being able to relax, and live, and enjoy instead of expecting. God is good.

Blessed

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

~Titus 2:3-5

My Mom has set an example for me in so many ways, but as I prepare to get married in a few short weeks, I've been reflecting on all the ways that Mom has imaged for me what it means to be a godly wife:

• Mom reads her Bible and prays daily. This isn't necessarily marriage related, but it's priority related. Christ is a priority for my mom, and because of that, she is able to be a godly spouse.
• Mom gives of herself sacrificially. She recognizes that sometimes denying herself means deepening her relationship with Dad, and she finds satisfaction in that.
• Mom respects Dad. She doesn't boss him around. She doesn't make fun of him. She doesn't demean him. Rather, she respects and honors him, especially in the presence of others.
• Mom is 100% faithful to my dad. Divorce has never been an option, and has never been mentioned in our household.
• Mom speaks her mind, and then submits. Mom is a smart lady and she says what she means, but then she obeys Dad, even if it's hard, because she believes that Dad is her God-given authority.
• Mom is a detail person, but doesn't major on the minors. She accepts that Dad is different than her and she loves him anyway.
• Mom genuinely enjoys spending time with my dad, and she talks about it. She expresses gratitude for the little things he does and gives thanks at all times for him.

Mom doesn't disregard the hard parts of marriage, but she says she wouldn't want to do life without Dad. She always casts marriage in a positive light, as the good gift from God that it is.

So on Mother's Day this year, I'm celebrating Mom, not just as my mother, but as an example of godliness in marriage. May Christ continued to be formed in her, even as He is formed in me.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

I love you!

Thirty-One (And a Whole Ton of Change)

If you would have told me on May 10th of last year that I'd be getting married in 13 months, I would have told you that I thought you were crazy. Well, here I am at 31, with only, Lord willing, 35 days left as a single person.

A lot can change in a year. Last year, I thought I would be single forever. I thought I would focus on my job and just enjoy life. In fact, those were my birthday goals:

So how did I do?

1) I am almost two years into my job. I am learning. I am figuring out who God made me to be as a therapist. I'm passionate about my work. I have some ideas of things I would like to learn, trainings I would like to attend, and certifications I would like to earn, but still really no idea of what the future holds as far as my counseling. God knows, though.

2) I'm working on stress management. I probably always will be. But God is helping me day by day, and I see growth in areas like my handling of the on-call phone at work and not jumping on the panic wagon when others do. I've hiked more, and done yoga for less minutes, but tried to be more diligent about prioritizing both. (For me, that looks like spending more time hiking outside, and engaging in shorter yoga sessions inside, but practicing once a week, if possible.) And some stress management, like crocheting, has pretty much gone to the wayside due to health issues and lack of time. It's okay. Life changes.

3) I'd say I've lived this year. I started being more social last year because I was desperate. And God used that desperation to make me face my fears of hanging out with and getting to know Chris more. God knows what he's doing. I've had to prioritize and re-organize life and relationships again now that we're engaged and planning a wedding, but it's good. God is good. And I'm working on enjoying and celebrating God's goodness everyday.

My top three memories were:

1) My Bahamas Cruise: It's been on my bucket list for awhile to go to the Bahamas, and having a friend reunion while doing so made it even better!

2) Butterfly Run: Having my best friend and Chris there (yes, he was there, but I didn't post pictures because we weren't officially dating at the time) made it super fun. And I got my best time yet!

3) Getting engaged: Kind of unexpected based on where I was last year this time, but kind of timely based on where Chris and I were in our relationship. I'm glad he asked when he did.

Goals for 31:

1) Learn to be a wife (because I've never been one before!)

2) Celebrate life. I've been working on this, but want to do it more, because God is always good, even in the hard. I have a feeling that part of this will be finding a better work/life balance. I like my job and feel called to it, but man, it's hard! To celebrate life, I somehow have to live out the hard at work and not let it cloud my everyday. I'm not there yet.

3) Find a new routine. (I'd say "normal," but philosophically, I don't believe that normal exists.) This kind of goes with number one, but finding and fulfilling a new role in life is different than finding a new structure. I've been on my own for most of my adult life and now it's time to merge my life and find out what life looks like for us. (And I want that routine to include celebration! See point number two.)

So here's to another year of life and whatever God has for me in it. To Him be the glory!

My First 10K

I saw a meme on Pinterest that said:

Yeah, maybe that applies to me. I ran Pat's Run last weekend, and my first 10K today. A long run last week was part of the 10K training I did, but yes, it was still a lot of running. At least this race was local.

The Whiskey Row Marathon is pretty iconic, mostly because of the hills. The 10K I ran accompanied it. The race supports the YMCA, so I felt good about registering, even if I couldn't run (but I'm glad I did.)

I picked up my packet and bib Friday evening at the YMCA. The goody bag wasn't the greatest, but I'm not necessarily in it for the goody bag. I'm in it for the run, and the medal and the t-shirt (if I can have the latter two). 

It had been a long week, so I decided to do a little self-care Friday evening and painted my nails. How funny that the Sally Hansen color was called Red-y to Run!

Wake-up came at 5 am Saturday. I listened to my Bible readings and got ready to go. It was cold! Chris picked me up at 5:45 am.

Unlike last weekend, the roads were dead. Downtown was dead. We kind of just roved around for awhile. But then they started the half-marathon, and the two mile. A Guidance helicopter flew over before my race.

At 7:20 am, the Regulators shot their rifles and we were off! I knew the first part of the course was hilly. I saw a lady from church and she told me where the worst was. (It was bad, but I guess since I made it back down the other side, it doesn't seem as bad now.)

I told myself not to go fast, as I wanted to finish, and have never run a documented 6.2 miles straight before. I wanted to enjoy a little of the scenery along the way, because it was pretty. 

I mean, look at Thumb Butte!

I wanted to finish in an hour if I could, and by my phone pacing, thought I could.

And guess what, I did! The last hill and corner were a little hard, and I was tired, but I finished! And I ran the whole way!

My dad and Mom and fiance were all at the finish line. That was pretty sweet. 

                            

   

And we all went to breakfast afterward. I've wanted to go to Lone Spur Cafe for awhile, and there wasn't even really a wait!

I got the skinny cowboy skillet with basted eggs and raisin toast. (I think the strawberry jam was homemade.) Yum!

Then it was off to run errands, home for a shower, and more errands. I got pretty tired after lunch, so I took a nap.

All in all, it was a good day. 

Praise the Lord! 

Praise the Lord that I was healthy. 

Praise the Lord that I finished. 

Praise the Lord for the support of loved ones.

Praise the Lord for good food.

Praise the Lord for nice weather.

Praise the Lord for rest.

Praise the Lord, and to Him be the glory!