I AM

Do you ever think about the way you talk about yourself?

I am tired.

I am lonely.

I am scared.

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I am confident.

I am able.

I am energized.

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I am unable.

I am [my diagnosis].

I am what they say.

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I am supported.

I am loved.

I am in community.

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Which words give you energy? Which words sap your strength? Which words cause you to reach out to others? Which words lead you to self-pity? Worth thinking about....

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On the flip side, have you ever studied how God talks about Himself?

"I am the bread of life" (John 6:48)

"I am the light of the world" (John 8:12).

"I am the gate for the sheep" (John 10:7).

"I am the good shepherd" (John 10:11).

"I am the resurrection and the life" (John 11:25).

"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6).

"I am the vine; you are the branches" (John 15:5).

"I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades" (Revelation 1:18).

"I am making everything new" (Revelation 21:5).

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End" (Revelation 22:13).

"I am coming soon" (Revelation 22:20)

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Jesus also says things like, "I am thirsty" (John 19:28). Most of the time, though, when He said, "I am," He was talking about His enduring character, His enduring nature as God. He talked in present tense, about who He was, about what he could do. Could we learn from this? What we are is because of what the eternal I AM made us. What we can do, what I am is because of I AM.

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If He is the bread, I am energized.

If He is the light, I am light.

If He is the gate, I am on a path.

If He is the Shepherd, I am directed.

If He is the resurrection, I am eternal.

If He is the truth, I am true.

If He is the vine, I am able in His strength.

If He is the life, I am living.

If He is Creator, I am creative.

If He is eternal, I have purpose.

If He is coming soon, I am living with hope.

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I AM because of I AM!

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*This post was inspired by Ashley LeMieux's "I Am" podcast.

Celebrating National Pumpkin Day

Yeah, I have a thing with pumpkin. I don't remember exactly how it started, but I seem to remember it starting with a roommate's scrumptious pumpkin chocolate chip muffins one fall long ago. Sometime after, I started buying pumpkin, lots of it. I like to see it as a pantry staple. Or maybe it's just a sanity staple because I like it so much.... 

Normally October is my pumpkin month and my recipe round-up comes November 1st. But I just realized that today, October 26th is NATIONAL PUMPKIN DAY! Cue all the pumpkin stuff now!

Pumpkin carving

Pumpkin coincidences

Pumpkin commitments

Gratitude pumpkins (Coffee and Carpool)

Pumpkin cozies

(Okie Girl Bling 'N Things pattern)

Pumpkin couple dates

And yeah, the recipes, albeit a few less this year due to the (not) pumpkin shortage:

Easy pumpkin chili (Erin Lives Whole) and whole wheat pumpkin cornbread (The Baker Mama)

Flourless pumpkin pancake (Kim's Cravings)

Pumpkin nice cream (Running in a Skirt)

Spiced pumpkin vinaigrette (Daring Gourmet)

Plus a few of my own creations:

Pumpkin hot chocolate

Chocolate apple pumpkin peanut butter baked oatmeal



Chocolate pumpkin protein overnight oatmeal

Cocoa pumpkin baked oatmeal

Any other pumpkin lovers out there? Please share your favorites with pumpkin in the comments section!

God Gives "Two Cents!"

It had been a long, hard week. I had just picked up my groceries at Wal-Mart and still needed to grab a few items at Safeway. I felt defeated. I really didn't want to spend any more money! I'd already spent enough. And I just wanted to go home. But we needed the items at Safeway, so I went.

Dragging myself into the store, I picked up the items on the list. In my head, I debated over each one. Should I buy it? Should I not? Did we really need it? Or could we do without? Should I buy bread, or make it? In the end, I decided to forgo the bread, but buy everything else.

I sometimes add up my expected grocery bill in my head as I shop, but not this time. Waiting in line at the self-check, I was just too tired to do it. I just wanted to buy the groceries and go home. I got to the kiosk soon enough and started scanning. Beep! Beep! Beep! My total just kept increasing. I didn't watch too closely. just wanted to get it over with and go home. But then the "magic" happened. I put in my savings card and the total started decreasing. Down, down, down to exactly two cents. I kid you not! I got the biggest smile on my face as I shoved my card into the chip reader. No one could see my face since I was wearing a mask, but if they had, I am sure the relief and joy I felt was evident! I was so happy I even talked to the clerk on the way out! Once home, I just had to take a picture of the receipt and send it to my mom. She is the one who taught me my super scrappy saver skills anyway (though I don't do her "education" justice).

Mom's reply?

And Mom's wisdom comes through again. I hadn't thought about the significance of the two cents until she said something. We use "two cents" to say our opinion isn't that valuable, or isn't worth much. This, on the other hand, was worth so much as a sign of God's care! In the exhaustion, depression, and despair of these current times, I confess that I've often forgotten to look for God's fingerprints, yet God came through on this date in time. He knew the week I had. He knew my stress over the grocery budget. He knew the exact weight of all that produce I would buy. His Holy Spirit prompted me to buy what I did, nothing more or less. God provided the coupons and made the total what it was, and then brought along my mom to help me see the significance. Providence. 

I simply don't believe in coincidence. This experience was a spiritual one, a sign that God has two cents (and so much more!) about our lives. He sees. He cares, even about the little things, especially about the little things, even if those things are only worth two cents in the world's eyes.

Cinnamon, Anyone?

It's still 90-100 degrees here in Arizona, but we're having a heyday with fall spices, specifically cinnamon. Let's be real. We cook with a lot of cinnamon every day. We've just increased our consumption with the following stellar recipes:

Applesauce and cinnamon muffins (Social Moms)

[I omit the sugar, and these still taste great. (This photo is older because I changed up the recipe by adding chai spice most recently. Perhaps more on that in an apple post.)]

Baked apples (Sally's Baking Addiction)

[I doubled the cinnamon and nutmeg in this recipe!]

Best cinnamon roll poke cake recipe (Delish)

[I used a homemade white cake instead of the cake mix.]

Cinnamon swirl quick bread (Sally's Baking Addiction)

Soft and thick snickerdoodles (Sally's Baking Addiction)

Stovetop cinnamon granola (All Recipes)

[I have changed this recipe pretty substantially, but the cinnamon stays the same, so you get the idea].

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If you are a cinnamon lover like we are, I dare you to try one of these recipes. You won't be sorry.

(And feel free to share more great recipes using cinnamon in the comments.)

Piestewa Peak Paces

Why do we always pick hard hikes for our month-iversaries? I guess I should say, "I." I definitely picked this one. But I wanted to do it with him, so I waited for a special occasion (our month-iversary), and until it was cooler. Cooler being a subjective term given that it was in the 100's all week. (Welcome to Arizona!)

Anyway, onto the hike: Piestewa Peak in Phoenix, Arizona.

Distance: 1.2 miles one way

Difficulty: Marked moderate to difficult on the website; marked double black diamond at the trail head. At 116 flights of stairs according to my FitBit, I'd dub it difficult

Time: About two hours (without rest breaks)

We started early, but not early enough. At a few minutes past 6 am (with sunset being around 6:30 am), ALL the parking spots were full. We ended up parking in a neighborhood despite our wishes not to do so. (Please don't block the driveways of people's homes if you do this!)

The trail is mostly rock, which decreases dust, an added plus. There are lots of steps built into the trail, especially in the beginning. There is also a low concrete rail along the first portion. We walked that rail like a balance beam to decrease the stepping. I recommend this if you can. It's pretty much a steady climb, with switchbacks. It's hard to miss the trail, but it is easy to miss your footing, so step carefully! Also beware of the brave runners who want to get around you....

The top is beautiful, though not quite as beautiful as the views on the way up, in my opinion. As with other trails, there are quite a few people at the summit, making it less serene.The way down was easier in some ways, but also harder on the knees. We took breaks both ways as needed. The plus side was that we heard a flutist as we descended. We saw him pack up on our way down. He'd even toted a drum half way up the mountain. Respect!

It was a good hike, one we may not do often (or ever again!), but worth it! I'm glad we went.

In summary: Go early. Take a headband. (The mountain is windy and you'll sweat.) Do the trail to commemorate something. Pace yourself. Do the trail to commemorate something, because you'll remember it!

Real Life Marriage: Service, Sacrifice, Submission

I believe I am called to three things as a wife: service, sacrifice, and submission. None come easy. I am learning that fulfilling these callings also looks different than I expected.

Service: God created Eve as Adam's helpmate (Gen 2:18). Therefore, I believe I am to be my husband's helper, or as I affectionately call it, "support staff." But serving does not always look like I expect. True service and help looks like seeking out my husband's needs and serving in ways that benefit him, not me. Maybe that means not doing the dishes because he wants to do them to have a break from his work. Maybe that looks like getting his favorite takeout instead of making dinner for us myself. Maybe that means the menial rather than the magical. I can serve how I want to be served all day long, but that's not what marriage is about. Marriage is about self-giving love, which means putting my husband's needs first.

Sacrifice: I thought I was sacrificially loving my husband through my service until I realized that my serving often doesn't cost me anything. Service is my giving love language, but sacrifice is not just giving, but giving until it hurts, until I have actually lost something. True sacrifice can look like quitting chores early in favor of quality time, even if it means I have more to do the next day and that stresses me out. True sacrifice can look like going out of the way to go to a store that has my husband's favorite product, even if there are few other reasons for me to visit that store. True sacrifice can look like giving up my plans in favor of his. True sacrifice can look like putting two slices of cheese on his sandwich even when I want to ration to reduce grocery trips. True sacrifice means surrendering what I want in favor of what he wants.

Submission: "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord" (Eph 5:22). I never thought that obeying this command would be easy, but I never thought it would be so hard. My husband is the leader of our home, and his word rules. But sometimes his word looks like him asking for my feedback and me needing to practice vulnerability in order to give it. Sometimes submitting looks like making a decision when my husband asks me to do so. Sometimes submitting means practicing patience to wait for my husband to make the decision. Sometimes submitting means abandoning an issue all together because it's not one my husband wants to keep on the table. I want my husband to be a strong leader, and I pray that I empower him to be so with my actions. I am learning, however, that submission is also an action and requires actual work on my part.

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Am I a good wife? Do I fulfill what I believe are God's callings for me in my marriage? No and no. But I am learning and trying. May I grow more and more into my role and its associated actions with time, and as the Holy Spirit does His work. To God be the glory.

Lily Lessons

My husband bought me some lilies some time ago. As I watched their life cycle, it struck me that lilies have much to teach us about life:

Plants need time and tending before they bloom. The lilies came to us tightly clenched and green as could be. With water, plant food, time and tending, they began to bloom. People and relationships are the same way. Given time, they usually open.

Blooming and brushing can happen at the same time. On stems with multiple buds, some buds opened early and some opened late. The early bloomers began to droop as the late bloomers began to open. Neither the droopers or the bloomers stole glory from the other. They just coexisted. 

Death and life can hover in the same breath. My husband knows I hold onto flowers for as long as I can. I will pick up petals that fall off as the plant dies until there are no more petals still standing. In the case of the lilies, some stems were totally dead while others had a bit of life left. I held on until the end. Sometimes holding on is the right choice when something is dying. Sometimes holding on to someone until the last breath is life.

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"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?"

(Matthew 6:28-30, New King James Version)

Life and its lessons are never easy. Lilies don't hold all the answers, but their Creator does.

South Mountain Summer

After realizing anew the therapeutic value of hiking earlier this year, I started trying to hike most Saturday mornings. I made it my unofficial mission to see how many trails of the 16,000 acre South Mountain Preserve I could hike. I didn't make it to all of them, but I hit quite a few! (I also wandered some.) Here's a brief rundown:

Beverly Canyon Trail



It took me three tries to finish this one due to the number of spur trails. Follow the power lines to get it done!

Bursera Trail

Intended to be a Pyramid Trail hike, but I got off track. Lots of elevation change on this one!

Desert Classic Trail (partial)



A flat and ambling trail popular with bikers, so walk to the right and be careful!

Hau-Pal Trail



Starting from the 19th Avenue Trailhead, pretty much straight to the top and hard! Beautiful views!

Holbert Trail



Long, but great views! A moderate climb.

Javelina Canyon Trail 

An accidental hike when trying to find Beverly Canyon. Long, but not too hard.

Kiwanis Trail



Moderate. A good hike for the recreational hiker, but somewhat busy. This connects to Telegraph Trail.

Las Lomitas (partial)



Ambling, but enjoyable.

Marcos De Niza Trail



Whew! This is an up-and-down climb! And the end is not marked, so watch how far you go!

Ma Ha Tauk Trail

Beware! This trail goes on forever, way past what is mapped. Turn back when you are ready.

Max Delta Trail



Good for getting a feel for the park. Not too much climbing. In the open sun, though, so use care when hiking during the heat!

Pima Loop



A nice loop, with some shaded areas. Parking at the trailhead goes fast, though, so arrive early!

Ranger Trail



Flat-ish, then a climb to the ridgeline and views.

Ridgeline Trail



A steep climb to the top, but worth it for the view!

Telegraph Pass Trail



Starts on a cement trail, then turns to dirt/rock. Has petroglyphs and some climbing. A shorter hike that still leaves you feeling like you did something.

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Arizona friends, any new trails to recommend? Please comment below.

The Power of Routine and Ritual

I am a creature of habit. A servant of routine and ritual at times. In my life, I find that routines and rituals serve me. Let me explain.

But first, what are routines and rituals? Routines are sets of actions regularly practiced. Rituals are actions that have the addition of meaning and purpose. Routines can become rituals and rituals can become routine, but not always. Some examples of routines are morning and night sequences of actions, work or class schedules, or even athletic practices. Rituals can include prayer, food, and celebration. Some people hate routines. I like them.

Routines

1) Routines help ground me. They calm my nervous system by telling it what to expect. I don't have to face a day in sheer panic because I know I have a morning routine list that I stick to. I don't have to fear day's end because I know I have a bedtime ritual that helps calm me before sleep. Even when in-between times are crazy, I make time for these routines because of their impact on my sense of peace.

2) Routines help me get important stuff done. With routines, I know that each task of the week (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.) has a set time. I can worry about that chore only during that time (or that is what it is supposed to do). Without routine, I feel under constant pressure to remember all my "to-dos." 

3) Routines help reduce feelings of scarcity. When I recall that a certain day is grocery day, I feel less anxiety about running out of a certain item. When I remember that I will my husband at dinner every night, I feel less panicked when he can't respond to my text during the day. Routines of e-mailing my family help me feel like they are close, and not far away, even if I am not seeing them in person.

Routines serve me for many reasons. They also help me remember my rituals. I include rituals in my routines to both calm me and get important stuff done. In that way, the two are interwoven.

Rituals

1) Rituals connect me to God. I include prayer and Bible reading in my morning routine because I need access to my Higher Power and to His truth. I struggle with the craziness of life even with these things. Without them, I am unfounded and ungrounded.

2) Rituals help me celebrate and find joy in everyday moments. For example, my family of origin and now my husband and I have pancakes for breakfast most Saturday mornings. This is not something we can do every Saturday, but doing it most Saturdays marks that time as special. I also drink tea, coffee, or hot chocolate with most of my breakfasts and night time snacks. I like my drinks really hot, which means I have to slow down and savor them. That helps me slow down and center, and that calm benefits me for the day or night ahead.

3) Rituals help mark time. I walk in and out of my home or office between tel-events. That action used to be routine, but with COVID-19, it has become ritual, the ending of one thing and the beginning of another. In the blur of life, I need that.

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Routines and rituals serve me. They quiet my and calm me, but I also have to be careful not to get too attached. Life is not always predictable, and I often need to be flexible. But where I can, I will continue with what works because, it works!

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Please feel free to share any routines or rituals you observe in the comments section.