35.

Thirty-five and old enough to be president (not on my bucket list)! Oh my. Part one of my goal last year was to savor life a little more. I think I did. 

Over the past year, I enjoyed some really special times with friends and family. My husband and I got in our staycation. I got promoted at work. I fit in some fun cooking projects. We got a new home air conditioner and a new car, and renovated our kitchen. God blessed me with a really good season running. I tried to savor those races and really be present, soaking up the joys after the races via wearing my race year, looking, and relooking at photos, etc. I was able to keep crocheting, and even fit in some projects other than afghans. It has been a good year, really it has.

I have also been angry, though. Angry at life. Angry about life. Angry at people, unfortunately a lot at my husband, who has not done anything wrong, but too often bears the brunt of my frustration. My life is good AND I want a different life. I want a slower life. An easier life. I want this hard season to be over.

Anger says that things aren't right, and they aren't. We live in a sin-stained world. A lot of things did go wrong. My body doesn't like the stress I am under. Fair.

The second part of my goal last year was to let Jesus be enough. Given my struggles with anger, I am not sure I have. If He was enough, I should be able to accept my current life circumstances. I should be able to hold hard and hope at the same times. I do not think I am there yet.

So maybe my goal for next year needs to be acceptance. I hesitate to even name that goal, as I know I will be tried and tested. Life will probably try and test me anyway. So here's to that goal: Accepting that hard is part of life, and being alive in year 35!

A More Accessible Yoga Challenge

Yes, I did another 30 day yoga challenge. I kind of stumbled into this one, finding it when looking for a weekly practice. The challenge was the Flexible Body, Flexible Mind yoga challenge from Yoga with Kassandra. The challenge features around 10 minutes of yoga, along with an optional activity to stretch the mind. I never did the optional activities, but I looked at most of them, and some seemed like they could be beneficial.

What I Liked About This Challenge

The practices were short. Meant to be done in the morning to wake-up, I did them in the evening to wind down. The general slow flow and stretching felt good. The cues were not exactly minimal, but Kassandra did not talk too much, meaning I could just be still and focus on relaxing.

What I Did Not Like About This Challenge

I like yoga as an athletic practice, as a calming and soothing practice, but not as a meditative or religious practice. Kassandra ended every practice in this challenge with a chant of, "om," which comes from Hindi sacred texts, and is definitely religious (Allard, 2020). I got pretty good at noticing when the, "om" was coming, and just turned off the video before then. That might not work for everyone, but it worked for me.

Conclusion

I liked this challenge. The shorter length practices and focus on stretching worked for me. The slower flow reminds me of the benefits of yoga and stretching, especially at the end of the day. While I think adding on 10-15 minutes of practice at the end of the day did result in some later bedtimes, maybe the benefits were worth it?

Reference:

Allard, S. (2020, July 16). 5 things to know about om. Hindu American Foundation. https://www.hinduamerican.org/blog/5-things-to-know-about-om

Everything I Read in April

 

35) Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling Faith from Fear by Jinger Vuolo—She grew up Duggar under the teaching of Bill Gothard. Then she started studying the Bible, got married, and had to disentangle her faith from the legalism under which she grew up. In this book, Vuolo gives readers an inside look at how Gothard manipulated his followers with health/wealth teaching, led to Vuolo living a fear-filled life for quite some time. Vuolo writes time and time again about how she couldn’t leave her faith in spite of all this. Instead, she had to dismantle and rebuild, leading to a life of freedom through saving faith in Jesus. This might not be a book by or everyone, but it certainly is interesting and timely considering all who are deconstructing their faith and not becoming free indeed.

36) Through His Grace by Kelly Eileen Hake—God's grace brings Eric Nichols to church. Grace Willard brings in her second cousins Lizzy and Jake after their parents die. The four meet and grow to love each other, but can there be forever? I found a few typos in this book, and the story was predictable and lacking in a few areas. Still, the story was sweet, and had a few unexpected additions that helped showcase God's grace. The author appears quite young, and if I take this as one of her first works, I have to give it a thumb's up!

37) The Purifying Power of Living by Faith in Future Grace by John Piper—This is a treatise, a treatise on how believers should live not only out of gratitude for what Jesus has done, but for what God is doing, and will do through the grace provided by Jesus in his sinless sacrifice. Piper asserts that faith in future grace sanctifies by producing obedience. It helps fight sin. Piper goes into how grace cannot be grace if people try to pay it back, and how that should humble believers. This was a bit of an intense read. I only made it through two chapters a day (and normally I can read more quickly), and that is probably because Piper wrote it to be read as a daily devotional for a month. While I am sure I missed a lot, I did come away very encouraged by some of the content. Specifically, I appreciated how Piper wrote about anxiety, saying that having anxiety does not mean a person is faithless. How the person deals with anxiety demonstrates faith. The idea that disobedience is rooted in unbelief in the sufficiency of God's future grace convicted me. The ending chapter on the work of Jonathan Edwards asserted that men cannot be miserable when happiness is to be found in God, a strong argument against asceticism. While I struggled a bit with some of the strong deterministic language in this book, I did learn, and that learning edified my faith, so amen to that!

38) Bakerita by Rachel Connors—I like reading cookbooks to get new ideas. This is a unique cookbook in that it is gluten-, dairy-, and refined-sugar free. Connors does a great job of not making it fun-free, though, recreating many of her childhood favorites based on her dietary needs. I do not cook with things like coconut flour, almond flour, or psyllium husk, but if I needed to, this would tell me how to do it. Connors uses coconut milk and soaked cashews for things like frosting, and even figured out how to make white and regular chocolate bars without dairy. She is creative to say the least! Her photos are clean, pretty, and plentiful (though not for every recipe), making this a visually appealing read. Not for everyone, but for those with dietary restrictions, this might help them feel more like everyone!

39) A Touch of Grace by Linda Goodnight—Ian Carpenter and Gretchen Barker both come from troubled pasts, only they don't know it. They meet because of an untimely death and Gretchen wanting to do a news story on the mission Ian runs. In the process, they learn more about each other, the needs of their community, and grace. Ian seems a bit too perfect in his reliance on grace, but the book does depict his struggle to give it, as well as the benefits that result. This was a fairly short read (a day and a half for me), and worth it! It had just enough suspense and romance to keep me turning pages, and enough meaningful truth to make me consider God's grace, trust, and faith in some important ways.

40) Amazing Grace in the Life of William Wilberforce by John Piper—This short book, with a forward by Jonathan Aitken, chronicles how the faith of William Wilberforce motivated him to pursue abolition of slavery in England. Wilberforce thought of becoming clergy, but his friend and mentor encouraged him to follow God while serving in Parliament. Piper focuses on not just the abolition of slavery, but shows how Wilberforce’s relationship with Christ motivated all efforts for the common good. Piper portrays Wilberforce as more joyful than the movie Amazing Grace, and perhaps he was. Since this book was more excerpts pertaining to Wilberforce’s theology than it was anything else, I think I might want to read a biography to find out more about the actual man.

41) One Thousands Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp—It only took me almost five months to read this book, and I have read it before. Voskamp's words are thick, beautiful, but a lot to unpack when I really take time to think about them. What struck me this time in reading was the connection between thanksgiving and grace. As believers, all God gives us are graces, and we should give thanks as such. I do find that Voskamp uses a lot of hyperboles, “only” this, and “only” that. That bothered me a bit in reading, because God's graces are vast and varied. The only time I want to use the word only is of Jesus, the only Savior. Anyway, this was overall a good read, probably one I will continue to come back to time and time again, as it hits me differently in each season, daring me to live there, rather than anywhere else.

42) Amazing Grace: The Story of America’s Most Beloved Song by Steve Turner—This was a fascinating book (more the first half about John Newton than the last half about the song, but both were good). Following John Newton's story from womb to tomb, and then the evolution of the famous hymn he wrote, this book is well-researched and extremely thorough. There is way more to John Newton than simply being a slave trader (his sins before he became a slave trader were likely far “worse”). The song has been changed and altered through many cultural phases and stages. Informational and inspirational, this book is likely to cause readers to think differently about the famous hymn.

43) It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered by Lysa TerKeurst—Life is disappointing. More then that, its circumstances are often discouraging, even devastating. In this book, TerKeurst explores some of her own painful experiences (health complications, marital issues, and breast cancer) and writes of how God’s truth keeps her anchored. She exhorts readers to look at disappointment as a tool of God used for sanctification. It is, and I wonder if TerKeurst would write so confidently now, in the face of a marriage that ultimately ended in divorce. This is a good read, but ultimately best read in the context of knowing we need God’s strength not just in disappointing or shattering seasons of life, but always!

What Really is Grace?

Since my experience last month, I have been pondering the meaning of grace. Does it have just one definition? Or does it mean different things in different contexts? With different people? With myself? Grace seems like it can have a wide variety of meanings.

I remember first learning about grace in AWANA. I remember defining grace as "God giving me a free gift I don't deserve." John Piper (2012), in his book The Purifying Power of Living by Faith in Future Grace, writes that "grace pays debts." Grace is free. Faith in future grace is faith that helps conquer temptation and sin, now and in the present. Max Lucado (2014) writes that grace is a source of generosity. He writes that grace is what secures believers' relationships to God. Theologians write of common grace, prevenient grace, justifying grace, sanctifying grace, glorifying grace, and more (Goddard, n.d.). It's a little dizzying.

What really is grace? The conclusion I have at the moment it is not getting what I deserve. Having grace is not exacting from people (or self) what I think it is expected or demanded. It is soft. It is kind. It is associated with all kind of moral virtues.

I haven't really quite figured all of it out. Maybe I won't. Maybe that's good, because not knowing what grace is means I have to keep giving and receiving grace in order to learn more about it. Maybe it's good because grace is greater than me. It is larger than me, and comes from someone larger than me. What really is grace? I don't know, but I do know God, and I rest assured that He knows all.

References:

Goddard, E. (n.d.). Types of grace. Pray with Confidence. https://praywithconfidence.com/types-of-grace/

Lucado, M. (2014). Grace: More than we deserve, greater than we imagine. Thomas Nelson.

Piper, J. (2009). The Purifying Power of Living by Faith in Future Grace. The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group.

A Breath of Fresh Air

I woke up not feeling so well, not sick, just off. We had a hard conversation. I felt teary. But then we decided to go to a local community event. I got so immersed in it. And when I came home, I felt like a new woman. I felt invigorated, enlivened, positive and hopeful. It was as if I had taken a breath of fresh air.

Why did I feel better? My mind had taken time to focus on something else. I had forgotten about my earlier angst. Moving my body had made it feel better. Simple interventions, yes, but with profoundly positive results.

Feeling blue? Try something that distracts you-no, not something that dissociates you, like scrolling your phone. Something immersive, creative, interesting. It could be an outdoor activity like going for a hike, walk, or run. It could be a creative pursuit like painting, knitting or crocheting, or wood working. It could be a museum tour. Get up; get out. Literally breathe some fresh air. Who knows? It might have the same effects as it did for me, lightening your load and livening your mood. Isn't it cool how God made us?

Practical and Pretty

My best friend has a motto when she gets me gifts: practical and pretty. She knows I lean towards practical, but appreciate pretty, and it's true. So here's the practical and pretty of my Lenten headbands, two I had not made yet when I shared my original post.

The Practical: Striped cross-stitch headband from The Stitchin' Mommy

I made this from scrap black and gray yarn. I chose very muted colors so that the headband would match everything. I specifically wanted a minimalist headband for running. This headband worked great, much like a traditional "stretchy" headband. The only problem was that the yarn did stretch out a little bit over time.

The Pretty: Cross-stitched headband with flower applique from My Hobby is Crochet

I made this from scrap yarn as well, but specifically to match a dress for a wedding we attended. This headband was different in that it was cast onto hair elastics. This made the fit a bit different, but a bit tighter, too. I enjoyed wearing this headband and felt pretty in it. It also kept the flower on my head better than a barrette, or hair clip, or any other method would have.

I am not sure if I will (or should) keep all of the headbands I made. I think I will at least keep the pretty one. I enjoyed wearing it and think it could be fun to wear again with the same dress, if nothing else.

Pat's Run 4.0

Another year, another Pat's Run. This is number four in-person (five if I count the virtual COVID event). I've run a lot this year! I took a down week after the 15K, and then ramped back up with a one month intermediate 5K plan in preparation for this race. The plan had me running five days a week: one tempo run plus hill repeats (which turned into intervals since I do not live near hills), one cross training day, one race pace interval day, an easy day, and a long run. I continue to use Nourish Move Love workouts for cross training. Most days, I stretched for five minutes and foam rolled for five minutes after running. I did yoga occasionally. That was pretty much my plan.

I was in corral four this year. This was back a corral from last year. I wondered if I was moved back due to my less fast time last year. My husband suggested that there just might be more runners as the world comes back from COVID. As it stood, there were 28,000-30,000 runners, so corral four wasn't bad.

Packet Pick-Up

Hat's off to the race organizers, because this is a well-oiled machine. Pre-race e-mails told runners to know their bib numbers for packet pick-up, but there were volunteers at a tent helping people who needed to look up their numbers on-site. Since I already had my number, I skipped this step, and in less than five minutes, was in and out with my bib and race shirt. I don't love the color of the shirts this year, but the run is not about the shirt. It's about remembering Pat Tillman and his sacrifice. Hats off to his family and the Pat Tillman Foundation who continue to put on this great event. Rather than channel their grief into anger, they have channeled it into remembering Pat with honor, and helping the greater community, and really, the world at large. I so respect that!

 

Race Day

I got up at 4 am Saturday morning. I have learned that I am a slow starter, and having more time is better. I braided my hair, read my Bible, did my physical therapy exercises, made coffee for my husband, and then we were out the door! We opted for the 5:14 am light rail, even though it meant we were early. Good choice! We got there as race expo booths were opening and picked up some good swag. Being that it is Arizona, most booths give out chapstick and sunglasses, or both! I got enough sunglasses last year to last a while, so I just picked up chapsticks this time. My haul from last year got me through about a year, and I hope it will again this time!

Warm-Up

I drank my 8 oz of water at home before the race. This gave me time to use the bathroom. Runners talk about how many times they need to stop before their runs, and it really is true! I need to hydrate, but then I get nervous and have to use the bathroom a million times! Anyway, around 6 am, I ate my banana and did my five minute shake-out run. (I learned last year that eating my banana at home was way too early, causing a blood sugar crash, rather than a spike, which is what I want for optimal energy.) I got in the corral around 6:30 am, but kept my jacket until around 6:55 am. (Thankfully my husband was nearby to take it from me!). I hoped that staying warm before the race would help me conserve energy. I thought that I needed to wear shorts and a tank top to combat the heat of the race, though. I was right! At 55 degrees, it was cool in the morning, but in the bright sun and temperatures rising over 60 at rice time, my attire was just right!

The Run

I got over the start line around 7:11 am. The first mile was slow! There is a hairpin turn to start the race, and then lots of people. (Some people were already walking at this point.) I looked down at my walk at mile one and saw 8:44/mile, not the pace I planned to run! I told myself that I felt faster and knew I could be faster, and I needed to keep trying. The race lane narrowed at times, meaning I had to watch my elbows, as well as the elbows of others. There is one slight hill that is hard, but then a downhill. I tried to catch speed there. Mile two was 8:22/mile, better, but I still had to catch up from mile one. I sort of hit my stride at mile three, and saw that I was in range of my goal pace, and tried to push it a bit. Hearing the stadium music gave me a boost of energy as I got closer to the finish. The finish is uphill a bit into the stadium, but I did try to increase my speed. I didn't feel too bad coming over the finish line.

Results

I had my watch and phone results, but it took me awhile to get official results. The official results were 34:26, or 8:12/mile. I did it! My goal was 35:00, and 8:15/mile, and I exceeded that! Praise the Lord! The mental game is so important in running, and with the Lord's help, I did it! Yes, I felt tense and tight and slow at the beginning, but the race was not over until it was over. And when it was over, I heard them calling corral 16, which made me extra grateful that I got to run when I did. It only gets hotter as the day goes on. Truly a gift!

Final Thoughts

It has been a really good race season! Slowing down, working on strength, and dialing in nutrition have been so helpful! Who knows if I can have the same improvements year over year, but after an "off" season this summer, I hope to see. And next year is the 20th anniversary of Pat's Run, which seems important, so I hope to run it again. Lord willing, I will. For now, though, I am celebrating this special day and Pat's Run PR with great gratitude to God for the privileges that allow me to run, and strong appreciation for my husband who supports my continued efforts.