Everything I Read in February

The reading roll slowed this month. I struggled to start some books, and then had some fits and starts in my reading progress. I did still read quite a bit, though, including another series by Becky Wade! I think my favorite book was number 23. Maybe it was not the best written book, but a book that combined running with faith and redemption? Sign me up.

14) Just Look Up by Courtney Walsh—Someone shouts, “Just Look Up,” at Lane Kelley as she rushes into the hospital to see her brother Nate, who is in a coma. She would rather be anywhere else than Harbor Pointe, but yet here she is. In the hospital room, she sees her old friend Ryan Brooks, the only person she remembers ever being kind to her. Lane tries to return to work in Chicago after visiting her brother, but then a health scare returns her home. She is forced to consider making amends, with her family, with her friends, and with Ryan. This is a sweet story about reconciliation, and about realizing what one has if they just look up...from pain, phones, or whatever is right in front of their faces.

15) Tired of Trying: How to Hold On to God When You’re Frustrated, Fed Up & Feeling Forgotten by Ashley Morgan Jackson—This was an immensely helpful book. Intensely personal, and practical, it reflects both on Jackson's own journey through the wrestle of anxiety and depression, as well as on Jacob's wrestle with God. Jackson encourages seeking God for strength, receiving God's grace, and leaning into the tiredness of trying, rather than fighting it. It is through the wrestle, Jackson asserts, that believers found their identities in God and are able to live out their callings to serve gGod and others. I would highly recommend this book, particularly to women, but men could benefit from reading it, too.

16) True to You by Becky Wade—Admittedly, I has a hard time getting into this book. It was just so cheesy, or at least the character Nora Bradford was. Then the book got good. As with all of Wade’s books (or at least the ones I have read so far), this is not an open and shut happy ending. Just when it seems all will end well, a problem is introduced, a big one, a problem of evil that causes the characters to wrestle with God, and with themselves. In this book, Nora must learn to trust God’s will wholeheartedly. Navy Seal John Lawson must decide if he really believes what God’s word says about redemption and being a new creation. There are character developments brewing in Nora’s sisters Britt and Willow, too. Needless to say, I can’t wait to read the next book in this series!

17) Traveling Light: Releasing the Burdens You Were Never Intended to Bear by Max Lucado—This is a typical Max Lucado book—conversational, kind, devotional; like a chat with a friend. It’s also personal, sharing some of Lucado’s own burdens and blessings, and weighty, in that it packs in some truth from God’s word, specifically Psalm 23. The book challenges reads to look to the Lord, who is not only the Good Shepherd, but also the Light. While I didn’t use the study guide for this book, it does have solid questions that could lead readers deeper into letting go and living for God. This world is not the believer’s home. Heaven is, and we who call ourselves Jesus-followers would do well to heed the call to drop our burdens and live lighter as we journey our way there.

18) Falling for You by Becky Wade—Minor character, Mustang football player Corbin Gray from Her One and Only returns in this story about Bradford sister Willow. A famous model turned innkeeper while her parents are away, Willow fights unforgiveness, against Corbin, and herself. Meanwhile, circumstances like a search for missing person Josephine Blake bring Willow up against forgiveness time and time again. Once again, this is a book with a lot of real life struggles, and with that, some mature topics like affairs, promiscuity, and more. Wade clearly points to the power of the gospel, though, and it changes the lives of at least three characters as they experience reconciliation with God and others. Much better than the first book in The Bradford Sisters series, this one swept my heart away, and I say that in a good way!

19) Because of You by Becky Wade—Short and sweet, this is the Christmas romance story of Britt Bradford's employee Maddie Winslow and her longtime crush Leo Donnelly. Maddie has liked Leo for ages, but felt guilty about it, because Leo was her best friend Olivia's husband. Between the grief of losing Olivia tragically years earlier and the awkwardness of now, Maddie has not been sure what to do about her feelings. When a Christmas outreach opportunity brings Maddie and Leo together, sparks fly. Maddie learns to make peace with the fact that the Lord gives and takes away. Together, they consider the joy God has set before them, and that growing in relationship to each other might be part of that gift.

20) Sweet on You by Becky Wade—Wade weaves mystery, suspense, and intrigue into this last book of The Bradford Sisters series. Zander Ford returns from his overseas travels to mourn the sudden death of his uncle Frank and finds a mystery on his hands. Britt Bradford wrestles with the idea that everyone keeps proposing to her: that Zander might want to be more than her best friend. The Bradford parents return from their mission trip. Nora marries John Lawson. Clint and Nikki start dating. The conclusion to all the stories is pretty dramatic, focusing on deep spiritual truths and the power of vulnerability. The second book in this series, Because of You, was probably my favorite, but I have to give the author props for the way that she tied up all the loose ends in this series closer. Props to her!

21) The Astronaut’s Wife: How Launching My Husband Into Outer Space Changed the Way I Live On Earth by Stacey Morgan—An engaging and insightful book, this memoir describes Stacey Morgan’s life not only as astronaut’s wife, but also an armed services wife and mom of four. Using an engaging writing style that goes back into the past while narrating the present, Morgan vulnerably shares her story. She writes of her hopes and her hangups, of the value of community, having fun, etc. The peak into the life of an astronaut returning during COVID may be of special interest to some. All in all, this was a good book with nuggets of trust that a reader can apply to everyday life, since few will be astronauts, or astronauts' wives.

22) The Best of You: Break Free From Painful Patterns, Mend Your Past, & Discover Your True Self in God by Dr. Alison Cook—This isn’t a theological book. It’s a psychological one, written by a doctorate level professional with both personal and work experiences related to being human. With that being said, I think this book does a great job of integrating faith and psychology. It is very easy to read and very accessible. (I would recommend this book before Aundi Kolber’s Try Softer—also a helpful book, but much more technical.” Each chapter begins with a vignette and ends with reflection questions that help readers explore further and apply concepts. Cook’s basic premise is that a strong sense of self is necessary to both knowing God and serving others. This might seem a bit backward, but for women who have been accustomed to ignoring themselves and playing small, this is a concept worth considering. All in all, I think this is a book that points directly to God, and correct theology or not, He is where the best lies, and in the end, He is who matters!

23) Chasing Hope by Kathryn Cushman—Brandy Philip has one shot at staying out of juvenile detention: working with previous collegiate runner Sabrina Rice. Neither wants to work with the other, but their grandmothers, being friends, implore them to do so. With fits and starts, Brandy starts running, and Sabrina battles the factors that prevented her from finishing her running career. This is a redemptive tale that wraps up perhaps a bit too neatly in the end, but was still so encouraging and inspiring. I look forward to reading more by this author, as she is new to me.

24) The Attachment Parenting Book: A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Child by William Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, R.N.—Admittedly, this book is not quite what I was looking for. I was looking for a book about attachment science and forming healthy relationships between parent and child. This was more of a baby rearing book, and a dated (24 year-old) one at that. Still, I think it was interesting to read about the Sears' stance on attachment parenting (eg wearing babies in slings) and promoting attachment and bonding through proximity and attuned care. It is a bummer that the book is written primarily to moms, but it does promote respect for the hard work of moms and encourage fathers to be involved in parenting, too. For that, I give the Sears' kudos. I will probably look more for attachment theory books than attaching parenting books to inform my work, but if anyone wants an attachment parenting book, here is one!

Strong(er) in February

I realized this month that I have been equating strength with "hard." It can be hard to make time and find focus to read my Bible. Sometimes I want to listen to another podcast before The Bible Recap (and sometimes I think I have).

Selflessly serving my spouse is hard. Not arguing is hard. Accepting help is hard. Sometimes we find it hard to fit in dates (though thankfully we fit in a few this month).

Pulling-up to the top of the pull-up bar is hard (and I cannot even always physically do it). It is hard to push paces in run training. Fitting in physical therapy is hard. 

Life is not all hard, though. And there is that saying, "Choose your hard." I have chosen to prioritize reading my Bible. I chose my spouse when I married him. I decided that I wanted physical therapy to work, so I committed to work the exercises. I reminded myself on a workout this week that I get to run. No one is chasing me.

Is all my hard work building strength? Maybe not in externally obvious ways yet, but surely they build mental strength, something I did not aim to build, but nonetheless benefits me. To be fair, I did see my work pay off in the 10K, and I thought I saw muscles in one of my race photos. For as many years as I have spent picking my body apart, this made me proud. I also managed to convince my physical therapist that I had gained enough strength to graduate and do exercises on my own again.

Thank you, Lord, for this body. Thank you, Lord for this life. It may not be easy. It may just be hard, but you give me the strength to endure, survive, and sometimes even thrive day to day. I praise you!

Powerlessness and Prayer

I felt somewhat desperate about a couple of situations this past week. I was not stressing, so much as distressing, because there was absolutely nothing I could do. I was powerless. And so I prayed.

I don't know what it is about prayer that it becomes my last resort. I should pray. All along, in between, and at the end, when I feel powerless, I should pray. And yet that point of powerlessness is what most often brings me to my knees.

Someone asked me how I was processing the deep sorrow of these situations. I responded that I was thankful that my mom taught me the power of prayer. And therein lies the rub. I know that prayer works. I know the power of it, and yet I don't always call on God first.

Praying about my powerless situations provides solace. It provides peace. It didn't necessarily change anything, and it might not ever. But it helps me know that I have agency to do something. And that changes me. Now if God can only change my heart so that I more readily come to him first, rather than last. It is when I forget the truth of God's power that I am truly powerless, because without Him, and access to Him through the power of prayer, I truly am nothing!

Eats and Empties (Week 8)

The Eats:

Comforting pork stew with dumplings (Molly's Home Guide)

Slow cooker vegetarian lentil chili (Budget Bytes)

The Empties:

Cajun peanuts (Cajun Cooking Recipes)  
Bag of baby carrots
Five pound bag of whole carrots
Thirty-two ounce box of chicken broth
Chocolate tart cherry seed balls (Rise and Run) 
Dozen egg carton
Greek yogurt
Twelve ounce bag of frozen green beans
Old ginger
Frozen Middle Eastern lentil vegetable soup (More with Less Cookbook)
Half gallon of good milk
Half gallon of milk that soured
Five pound bag of potatoes
Frozen Scottish inspired mushroom lentil stew (Oatrageous Oatmeals)
Can of diced tomatoes
Can of tomato paste

What went to waste:

Nothing that I know of!

Afghan 83

Special blankets are for special people! Bestie requested green and/or sunflowers for her baby, and a Google search delivered both in this pattern from The Caffeinated Snail. This is my first blanket with a wave border, worked backwards and then forwards, as well as my first blanket with applique. Overall, though, the pattern was extremely accessible. The creator even gave options for a simpler border, and making the applique without a magic ring (the latter option which I took).

Hook: size J Boye ergonomic crochet hook

Yarn:

Caron Simply Soft white

Loops & Threads sage

Scrap yellow and black

Pattern: 

Crochet sunflower blanket (The Caffeinated Snail)

Finished size:  36 x  36 inches 

(For once, a blanket actually turned out the size that it was supposed to. I did have to add a few rows past what the creator suggested to get the white the right size, though. Maybe I just actually followed the pattern this time...)

Eats and Empties (Week 7)

The Eats:

Buttermilk oatmeal pancakes (All Recipes)

Chocolate tart cherry seed balls (Rise and Run) 

Easy eggless baked oatmeal (Mommy's Home Cooking)

Matzo ball soup (The Instant Pot Electric Pressure Cooker Cookbook)

Perfect Welsh rarebit (Easy Cheesy Vegetarian) 

Skillet pepperoni pizza (How Sweet Eats)

Northern style lasagna (Good Housekeeping Family Italian Cookbook) 

Peanut butter chocolate lava cakes (Sally's Baking Addiction)

Roasted broccoli with blue cheese (KTA Super Stores) and balsamic glaze (Love and Lemons)

Strawberry white hot chocolate (The Speckled Palate)

The Empties:

Jar of applesauce
Bottle of balsamic vinegar
Blue cheese
Two pound bag of frozen broccoli
Thirty-two ounce box of chicken broth
Frozen chicken broth
Can of chicken noodle soup
Dates
Green onions
Herbal chai tea
Box of lasagna noodles
Twelve ounce bag of mozzarella cheese
Three pound bag of onions
Twelve ounce bag of Parmesan
Frozen Pumpkin pizza (Food Faith Fitness) (Using ultimate no-knead whole wheat pizza dough from Handle the Heat) 

Frozen turkey chili smothered sweet potatoes (Budget Bytes)
Frozen sourdough chocolate chip muffins (Living Well with Mandy)
Sunflower seeds
Sweet potatoes
Twenty-eight ounce can of diced tomatoes
White chocolate baking bar

Bag of white chocolate chips

What went to waste:

The half gallon of milk soured, but I am working to use it up, so it is not wasted yet!

Real Life Marriage: It Isn't (Always) About the Romance.

I am most often the one pushing for dates in our marriage. I like the adventure. I like the romance. I like spending time outside the house, focused on enjoying life with my husband instead of getting distracted by all the trappings of life. Recently, however, I had one of the best days with my husband, and pretty much all we did was sit at home. Why was it such a good day? Because as time has passed our love has become not just a romantic love, but a companionate one, too.

Before we got married, dating did bring on all the butterflies and zings and pleasant feelings. It was exhilarating to spend time with someone I liked, and then loved so much. We did not share a life or home together, so every moment we got to spend together felt special and sparkling. Then we got married. Sharing life together was awesome. Everything was new. We still dated (well at least until COVID hit and shut the world down). I still got the flutters, at least sometimes.

I still get the heart pitter-patters sometimes when I see my husband, but more often, it's like my heart swells with love. He is my person, and I am his. It's not that we are the best of friends. (I still argue that it is beneficial to have other friends.) It's that we are committed. It's that we share so much of life together. It's that our life is together.

My husband says he doesn't need dates so much anymore. He just wants to spend time with me. I push back on that (and I still probably will, at least sometimes), but maybe I am starting to get it. There is something to just being able to relax and be in one another's presence. The best part of that day was not the meals we ate together or the new movie we viewed. Rather, at least for me, it was laying on his shoulder and looking at the city website to get updates on the projects near our house. Romantic? Maybe not. Indicative of the safety and life we have built with one another? Absolutely!

I am not arguing that we should throw away romance, or stop dating. I plan to do neither. Rather, I hope that I can keep growing in my appreciation for these moments of "ordinary" life. Really, they are not ordinary. They are gifts from God, because I had gotten to a point where I thought I would always be alone in life, and God, in his grace granted me this love, this forever romance.