Saturday, November 23, 2024

What I Used/What I Used Up (Week 47)

What I Used of My Meal Plan-


Dinners:



Fresh basil
Carton of 18 eggs
Head of iceberg lettuce
Half gallon of milk
Two pound bag of Mexican-style cheese
Eight ounce bag of mozzarella cheese
Two pound bag of mozzarella cheese
Parmesan cheese
Pizza sauce
Sourdough discard

Pantry:

Old chia seeds
Can of pumpkin
Protein bars

What went bad:

Nothing that I know up

What I Prepped for Next Week: 

Brown rice (Add a Pinch)
Instant Pot baked potatoes (Platings + Pairings)
Instant Pot hard-boiled eggs (Omnivore's Cookbook)

What I Froze for Future Me:

Brown rice and lentils 
(Betty Crocker)
Sourdough discard bagels (Acts of Sourdough)
Sourdough pumpkin muffins (Everyday Homemade

Wednesday, November 20, 2024

The Cool Kid

I always wanted to be that kid: the social butterfly, the one invited to all the parties, the person everyone wanted to be around, the cool kid. To an extent, I have gotten to be "that kid" a few times now. I got to be that kid when I had my first job in Arizona post-grad school. My new coworkers invited me to the bar before our training activities, and I got to go to the social events after the training. I didn't drink, but I did partake in the activities. I said it was to get to know them, and I did, but not necessarily in ways I would have liked. Overall, I still felt out of place. I found that socializing around alcohol really was not my thing.

I have gotten to be "the cool kid" several time since then: I have been invited to multiple social events, spent time in crowds of people, etc. I continue to find that I am uncomfortable. I would rather be the fly on the wall (though hopefully not a pesky one) than the social butterfly. I would rather eat dinner at home in peace that while nibbling on hors d'oeuvres and hobnobbing with "the brass." I would rather talk to my husband or a close friend than flit from group to group. I am really more of an introvert than an extrovert.

The older I get, the less I want to be "the cool kid." The older I get, the more cool I become with being me: a homebody with a few close friends, most of whom don't live near me. I skip quite a few social events. I don't stay super long at the events I do attend. I spend most of my nights at home, doing housework, talking to my husband, and then bookending the day with a crossword, snack, and cup of cocoa. For the most part, I am cool with it.

This is my life. This is my jam. I am no longer a kid, but a grown adult, and maybe, just maybe, I am finally coming into myself. Maybe, with God's help, I can continue to be cool with that.

Friday, November 15, 2024

What I Used/What I Used Up (Week 46)

What I Used of My Meal Plan-

Lunches:

Salads with options of toppings: carrots, cheese, chickpeas, 
Instant Pot hard-boiled eggs (Omnivore's Cookbook), shredded chicken (365 Days of Crockpot), salsa, and spicy ranch dressing (The Spiffy Cookie)


Bacon
Bag of baby carrots
Cooked chickpeas
Egg white

Head of iceberg lettuce

Pantry:

Onion powder
Big can of pumpkin
Pecans
Potatoes
Steel cut oats
White pepper

What went bad:

Nothing that I know up

What I Prepped for Next Week: 

Brown rice (Add a Pinch)Granola (Oatrageous Oatmeals)
Instant Pot baked potatoes (Platings + Pairings)
Instant Pot hard-boiled eggs (Omnivore's Cookbook)

What I Froze for Future Me:

Nothing this week!

Wednesday, November 13, 2024

Home


I had it pulled up for weeks, the Zillow page for this house I have never seen, never visited. This home that once belonged to other people, but now sat empty, waiting. It was not my home, but now it is home, not for me, but for my people.

My parents made it known some years ago that they did not, could not, plan to stay in my teenage home forever. (Even that was not home for all of my childhood, but it was the only home we lived in long enough for me to consider it home, the only home my parents ever bought, the only home my parents ever paid off, the only home my parents owned.) They considered selling for a while, and tried, but to no avail. Then suddenly, all the pieces fell into place. They got a buyer for their house. They moved their stuff east. They went searching, and before I knew it, this house was on my phone screen, this new home for my people.

After over 25 years of my parents being in one place, it is strange to think of this new house as belonging to my parents. Their things were not in it yet. Technically, they had yet to take possession, but it was theirs, or would be theirs. Keeping the house photo up on my phone helped my brains start accepting that. 

Change is hard. I still do not see this new state as my parents' home. I see it as my brother's home. I still have not quite grasped the fact that my parents will now be two days away from me. I am used to driving north for two hours and being at their doorstep. This new house on my screen looked empty, foreign, but change happens in stages, so I left the house up, each time I saw it, reminding myself that this is now a home, not for me, but where my people will be.

Ultimately, home is not a place. It is not the old house, or this new one. It is where my heart is, and my heart is with my people, wherever they may be. Near or far, a piece of my heart goes where they are, and maybe that's part of the reason I kept looking at this house on my screen, because a part of me was moving here, not physically, but mentally and emotionally. My family is my home, and my heart moves with them,  to this house, and perhaps to another and another, until one day we all make our forever home with Jesus.

Sunday, November 10, 2024

Real Life Marriage: Standing on My Own Two Feet


Six years ago, I was walking up a trail with a guy I did not know what to do with. I had reached the point that it was either get serious, or get out. I knew my heart was in way over my head, and I honestly did not know what to do about it. I'd talked and tried to express myself to the extent that I felt right, consulted friends, and prayed a lot. Nothing was moving, and I needed to let God move. Here I am today, walking the path of married life with that same guy, realizing that God has moved, a lot, and not in ways I exactly expected.

I started marriage thinking I could be a perfect wife. Even if that was not what I was thinking exactly, my actions showed that I believed I could do more than I could. Five years plus of marriage later, and God has humbled me again and again. I have a lot of pride and selfishness and rough edges that need sanding away. Marriage has been doing that for me, but often in ways that require some painful and abrasive interactions with my husband.

I started down the counseling path for myself again last fall. Life had been too much, and we decided we had to make room in our schedule and budget for me to start processing some stuff. As with all things, the drivers for me to return to counseling turned out not to the main topics I have addressed in counseling. Instead, I have been working a lot of my own self-regulation, on my own self-management, and my own self-care.

I started working a few hours less each week about a month ago, after one two many melt-downs led my husband to give me an ultimatum. It was true that I was releasing the stress of life at home, and I needed a better way. That little bit of margin has helped immensely, and I am grateful!

I started a more intensive race training plan late this summer. It forced me to stand up for myself in my own home, to say when I needed to eat, go to bed, etc. I had always expressed those things, but sometimes let them slide in the interest of trying to serve my husband (and also because of my own laziness and procrastination). The immensity of my physical needs during this training cycle has forced me to tend to myself. 

In summary, this past year has forced me to realize anew that self-care really is my responsibility. Even though I am married, I have to stand on my own two feet. Interdependence is one thing, but leaning heavily on my husband to know my needs, tend to me needs, or "fix me" does not work. Rather, it trips him up. I, in turn, become hindrance, rather than a helper.

This work of finding my way, of differentiating myself from my spouse, has been hard. I am sure it is not over yet, as Lord willing, we still have a long road of life ahead of us. I am sure there will be some hikes and climbs, as well as some descents back into the valley. While I hope that I can refer to my husband as a rich resource with which God has blessed me, I hope that I can also carry with me this ability to be independent. Ultimately, may my independence strengthen our interdependence, because two people people standing on their own two feet get a lot farther than two people with their feet tied together trying to run a three-legged race.

Saturday, November 9, 2024

What I Used/What I Used Up (Week 45)

What I Used of My Meal Plan-

Lunches:

Bagels
Brown rice and lentils 
(Betty Crocker)
Salads with options of toppings: carrots, cheese, chickpeas, Instant Pot hard-boiled eggs (Omnivore's Cookbook), shredded chicken (365 Days of Crockpot), salsa, and spicy ranch
Chicken stew (Budget Bytes)

Dinners:


Snacks:

Apples
Baby carrots
Bagels
Bananas
Cheese sticks
Leftover Sunday morning pancakes (The Perfect Loaf)
Oatmeal in various forms
Peanut butter protein granola from Trader Joe's
Roasted pumpkin seeds (The Minimalist Baker)

What I Used Up--

Freezer:

Bag of frozen green beans
Two pound bag of broccoli
Cinnamon raisin bagels

Fridge
:


Two dozen egg cartons
Bag of baby carrots
One head of iceberg lettuce
Jicama

Pantry:

Nesquick drink powder
Peanut butter protein granola from Trader Joe's
Can of pumpkin

What went bad:

Nothing that I know up

What I Prepped for Next Week: 

Brown rice (Add a Pinch)
Chicken and mashed potato bowls with gravy (40 Aprons)

Instant Pot hard-boiled eggs (Omnivore's Cookbook)
Pumpkin oat flour muffins (Food Talk Daily)
Super simple granola 

What I Froze for Future Me:

Monday, November 4, 2024

Praying Process Over Product


My mom told me recently that she was not sure how to pray about something. My first inclination was to tell her to pray the Lord's prayer: "Your kingdom come, your will be done" (New International Version, 2011, Matthew 8:9). While it is not wrong to pray for specific things, whether they be the desires of our hearts, or specific convictions, more and more, I am convinced that I need to pray more process than product prayers.

What do process prayers look like? Instead of praying for my man/woman to win the election, I need to pray that they know Christ as Savior. Instead of praying that I will find what I want when I go grocery shopping, I need to pray that I am a good witness. Instead of praying that my husband will do this or that, I need to pray that he becomes the man God wants him to be (Rainey, 2016). Instead of praying for a specific outcome of a situation, I pray that I am (or they are) conformed to the image of Christ. 

Are process prayers always the prayers to pray? No. Jesus prayed for specific things, like that if it was God's will, he could escape the Matthew 26:39). Specific verses in the Bible request prayers for specific things (eg Hannah praying for a son). In some cases, God even told people not to pray (e.g. Jeremiah 7:17, 11:14, 14:11). Many, many of the examples of prayer in the Bible, though are about process: prayer to be delivered from evil, the Lord's prayer (as quoted above), prayer to proclaim the gospel fearlessly (Ephesians 6:19-20), etc. Let us consider that when we pray.

For me, praying process over product prayer helps align my heart with the Lord's. It turns my eyes off what I want onto what God wants, and to what His will is. I think that is where He wants my heart, with His, and as long as he continues to lead this way, this is the way I will pray: with Him, for Him, because only he can produce the products of righteousness and salvation, the things we ultimately, and eternally need.

References:

New International Version. (2011). BibleGateway.com. http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/#booklist

Rainey, B. (2016). Letters to my daughter. Bethany House Publishers.

Saturday, November 2, 2024

What I Used/What I Used Up (Week 44)

What I Used of My Meal Plan-

Breakfasts:


Oatmeal in various forms
Super simple granola 
Sunday morning pancakes (The Perfect Loaf)

Lunches:

Carrot and lettuce salads with 
shredded chicken (365 Days of Crockpot), salsa, and spicy ranch dressing (The Spiffy Cookie)
Curried lentils (Budget Bytes) over brown rice (Add a Pinch)
Instant Pot baked potatoes (Platings + Pairings) and toppings
Red bean, rice, and cheese bowls with cajun spices
Shredded chicken (365 Days of Crockpot), broccoli, and carrot bowls with coconut curry simmer sauce (Easy Vegetarian Slow Cooker) 

Dinners:


Snacks:

Apples
Bananas
Cheese sticks
Healthy pumpkin spice pancakes (A Simple Palate)
Leftover pancakes
Oatmeal in various forms
Pumpkin pie Greek yogurt (Dannon)
Pumpkin spice oatmeal pancakes (Upbeet Kitchen)
Pumpkin oatmeal cream pies (Sally's Baking Addiction)
Roasted pumpkin seeds (The Minimalist Baker)

What I Used Up--

Freezer:

Big bag of broccoli
Chickpeas
Chipotle pumpkin pasta (Budget Bytes)
Coconut curry simmer sauce (Easy Vegetarian Slow Cooker) 
Corn
Two bags of frozen green beans
Pumpkin oatmeal cream pie cookies (Sally's Baking Addiction)

Fridge
:


Applesauce container
Old apples
Old baby carrots
Five pound bag of carrots
Cream cheese
Carton of 18 eggs
Greek yogurt
Head of iceberg lettuce
Half gallon of milk
Onions
Tomatoes
Zucchini

Pantry:

Crushed tomatoes
Green chiles
Kidney beans
Old lentils
Paprika
Pinto beans
Can of pumpkin
Large can of pumpkin
Pumpkin pie spice
Spaghetti

Tomato paste
Tomato sauce
Can of tuna

What went bad:

Nothing that I know of

What I Prepped for Next Week: 

Brown rice and lentils 
(Betty Crocker)
Chicken stew (Budget Bytes)
Instant Pot hard-boiled eggs (Omnivore's Cookbook)
Spinach alfredo pasta (Budget Bytes)

What I Froze for Future Me:

Thursday, October 31, 2024

Everything I Read in October


Well, I met my goal of reading eight books this month, but man, some of these were doozies. Evil is alive and well in our world, and we need a lot of Jesus- following, Jesus-living people to combat it! Here's what I read this month:

77) Testimony: Inside the Evangelical Movement that Failed a Generation by Jon Ward—Jon Ward grew up in the evangelical movement, specifically in the movement that CJ Mahaney started. Ward has not lost faith. In fact, he ends this book asking, “What would a more Christian witness look like?” Ward is deeply disillusioned with the evangelical movement, however. From the inside, Ward reveals the corruption, pride, idolatry, and lack of discernment that many evangelicals have practiced over the years. He calls out Christians for operating out of pride and fear instead of self-sacrifice like Christ. As the chief national correspondent at Yahoo! News, Ward writes pointedly about the relationship between faith and politics. Ward names names and shoots straight. While I may not agree with everything he writes, I think his testimony is a telling one, and his question one that rings out even for me.

78) If You Could Live Anywhere: The Surprising Importance of Place in a Work-from-Anywhere World by Melody Warnick—I am not an Anywhereist, the term Melody Warnick uses for remote workers in her book, If You Could Live Anywhere. Still, Warnick has some important things to say about values and letting them inform the place you live, if you have a choice about it. Using anecdotes and plenty of research, Warnick explores what it means to have a “locations strategy.” This book is easy to read, and contains thoughtful questions and exercises for those who are in the process of choosing a place to live. While I like where we live and do not really want to live anywhere else, this book gave me pause for thought about my place attachment and how I might further it to better both the place where I live, and my own life.

79) I Am A Christian: Discovering What it Means to Follow Jesus Together with Fellow Believers by Thom Rainer—If we choose to follow Jesus, we choose to center our lives around him, which makes us Christians. As believers and disciples, Christians must be part of a local church, serving, witnessing, and praying. Rainer writes that these things aren’t optional, and that Christian growth parallels participation in the church. This is a short, sweet book with seven “I am” statements for believers to consider and honor. This book is challenging in its own right, and a worthwhile read.

80) I'm No Angel by Kylie Bisutti—Kylie Bisutti became a model in her teens, and then went on to win the famed Victoria's Secret Angel model contest. All the while, she fought the pressures of the industry to stay small, sell sex, and basically give up her life for a dream. Kylie came to know Christ in high school, married young, and had to learn the hard way that, in her own words, “I couldn’t love the world and love God.” How far Kylie went in the industry, without anyone in her life really stepping in to say, “No,” honestly disgusts me. It is true that she probably learned the most by going as far as she did, but did she really have to do that? I guess we will never know. The best part of this book is really, “The Master’s Makeover: 30 Days to a More Beautiful You” section, where she shared scripture, insights, and questions to become more beautiful according to God's standards. Honestly, I would recommend reading her devotional and just skipping the book. It's dark, and why have dark when Kylie has shared what it looks like to now walk in the light?

81) Letters to the Church by Francis Chan—Francis Chan grew a mega church movement. Then he left it all to do mission work in Asia. When God called he and his family back to America, he came back to plant house churches and advocate for a return to the New Testament model of church. This book is both rebuke and encouragement. Chan calls out the church for its lack of love, its overemphasis on programming, and its pride. He encourages return to the “simple things” of prayer, Bible reading, and gathering. While I am not sure I agree with everything Chan writes, I think the letters of his book deserve consideration and pondering, especially if the Church truly wants to be more like Jesus and less like the world.

82) Her Valentine Hero by Gail Gaymer Martin—Neely comes home to care for her father after his heart attack, and her sister after her sister lost her husband. After neglecting to take care of herself, Neely decides to go to the local high school track and start running again. There she runs into Jonny, her best friend's little brother, now a man and the high school football coach. Jonny has loved Neely for ages, but Neely sees him as the little brother pest he once was. As time goes on, though, Jonny is there for Neely when she needs him, proving that love is about dependability. Neely has a secret, though, a secret she has to own before she can accept Jonny's love. This is a sweet tale, a bit mistitled because only one part of the book is about Valentine's Day, but a good read nonethless. I especially liked the redemptive aspects of this story, perhaps because the author, as a counselor, knows a thing or two about redemption and healing.

83) The Compelling Community: Where God's Power Makes a Church Attractive by Mark Dever and Jamie Dunlop—Part of the 9Marks book series, this book is written for pastors, but applicable for the community of the church. In it, Dever argues that the church is for believers, and that community is crucial to the church's witness. Dever argues less for formal church community and more for informal, created-by-members community. He asserts over and over again that selflessness is needed for this type of interaction. He suggests that preaching pays a crucial role in promoting community. He convicts readers of the need to pray for the church. Without getting too theological, Dever really gives readers a lot to think about when it comes to church. It is powerful to consider what a better witness the church might be for God if readers put into practice these principles.

84) A Well-Trained Wife by Tia Levings—This is not a book to read if you want to feel well. Truly. It is a tale of traumas, many, many, may stacked up over and over again upon one another. It is a story of not believing victims, of fundamentalism gone way, way, wrong, and of a lot of abuse. There is alcoholism and pornography and mental illness and so much more terrible stuff. I wanted to read this book after seeing the author in Shiny, Happy People, and I am glad I read her story. It did give me nightmares, though. I am not sure I fully agree with where she stands now on everything. This book is a testimony to the resilience of the human spirit. Somehow, by God's grace, people like Tia survive. Levings says she keeps her religious practices private now, but somehow, by God's grace, may he continue to redeem and save her because man, no one should have to go through what she went through.

85) Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife by Barbara Rainey—This is truly a beautiful book. Written as responses to e-mails from her daughter-in-law and daughters, this is a book chock-full of advice, scripture, and encouragement to do life as a wife God's ways. There is not belittling or fundamentalism, but rather beauty portrayed through story and metaphor. The book is put together beautifully as well, with art and quotes throughout. Reading this book felt like balm to my soul after reading about the awfulness of abusive marriage in A Well-Trained Wife by Tia Levings.

Wednesday, October 30, 2024

What's Simplifying My Life (October)


Kendra Adachi of
The Lazy Genius Podcast has a segment every now and then called, "What's Saving My Life." In this edition of "The Simplified Life," I am sharing some things that have simplified my life, not things to buy per se, but uses for things I already had, and/or practices that are currently serving me. In no particular order, here they are:

Repurposing the ice cream scoop to clean out a pumpkin before baking [not my hack, but one from this roasted pumpkin recipe from The Minimalist Baker (Shultz, 2019).

A can opener that opens (thanks to my husband fixing ours)

The big IKEA bags for carrying in groceries: dump in as many bags as it will hold to reduce trips

Letting my husband find products when I do need to buy them (which saves me from the Amazon review rabbit hole)

Mesh laundry bags for anything that doesn't get dried (These make it easy to pull those items out of the load, rather than trying to remember which delicates I put into a load. It also makes it easier for my husband to do all of our laundry if that is the case for the day.)

Putting my entire running hydration pack into the fridge the night before I plan to use it (less time fiddling with it in the morning)

Overall keeping fewer food items on hand. It just makes eating and cooking easier!

I could probably go on, but let's keep this post simple, shall we? Please share below about what's currently simplifying your life. Let's learn from each other.

References:

Adachi, K. (Host). (2016-present). The Lazy Genius. [Audio podcast]. https://www.thelazygeniuscollective.com/lazy

Shultz, D. (2019). How to roast a pumpkin. The Minimalist Baker. https://minimalistbaker.com/how-to-roast-pumpkin/

Saturday, October 26, 2024

Celebrating National Pumpkin Day (Year Four)

You know what time it is? Pumpkin time! (And today, October 26th, is National Pumpkin Day. My enjoyment of pumpkin everything reinvigorated this year. I simply could not seem to get enough! That meant buying lots of pumpkin products:



And making a lot, too:



Pumpkin mac and cheese (Chocolate Covered Katie)

Pumpkin muffins (Handle the Heat)

Pumpkin oatmeal cream pies (Sally's Baking Addiction)

Pumpkin spice oatmeal pancakes (Upbeet Kitchen)

Roasted pumpkin puree (The Minimalist Baker)

Roasted pumpkin seeds (The Minimalist Baker)

(The above list is exclusive of all the single serving oats I made.)

Suffice it to say, your girl likes pumpkin!