The Latest in Crochet

I made my first scarf of the year in a week or so. This one took three months. And now we're out of winter and headed for summer. Oh well, I finished it. This is the Granny Takes a Dip scarf in Red Heart soft navy and gold. Not ironically, these are the colors of my alma mater.

This scarf is part shawl, part scarf, and part blanket, which you can see in this progression of pictures:

And the finished product:

I sent this scarf to my best Arkansas friend who stills works at our school. We'll see how she uses it.

What would you do if you had a scarf this large? Please share in the comments section.

The Three E's of Trauma

Trauma is a real deal. In the field in which I work, I see its effects almost every day. But the everyday person might not understand what trauma is. Since I recently heard about the "Three E's" definition* of trauma, and found it helpful, I thought I'd share it here.

 

According to SAMHSA:

Individual trauma results from an event, series of events, or set of circumstances that is experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or life threatening and that has lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional, or spiritual well-being. (p. 7)

What does all this mean? 

1) It means that trauma isn't restricted to just car accidents, or sexual abuse, or natural disasters. It means that trauma can be anything, like repeated bullying, exposure to noxious chemicals, or even certain sounds that repeat over and over and are emotionally damaging. 

2) It means that we shouldn't judge ourselves or others for what we relate to as traumatic. As the SAMHSA report states, " A particular event may experienced as traumatic for one individual and not 
for another" (p. 8). Thinking an event shouldn't be traumatic doesn't mean it isn't. Our experiences in life are highly individual

3) It means we should be on the lookout for signs of trauma, like hypervigilance, or a startle response, or numbness, or avoiding, or social isolation. Trauma is a brain injury and needs attention. If you or someone you know has these symptoms, get help! Trauma responses may worsen without treatment.

Think you may have trauma? 

If you are in crisis:

• Call 911
• Go to the nearest Emergency Room
• Call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255.

Not in crisis, but still struggling? 

• Tell a trusted friend or family member what you can. 
• Consider consulting with a licensed counselor. 
• Consider treatment.

Trauma is real, and you deserve help.

*Thanks to Paige Smathers and Jenni Schaefer for their honest and in-depth discussion of trauma on the Nutrition Matters Podcast Episode 64.

Disability or Ability?

I've been to the primary care doctor, orthopedic doctor, chiropractor, neurologist, physical therapist, and a specialist. I've had two MRIs and two EMGs. I have received numerous injections of botox. The problem isn't any better, my hand that is. I wanted a fix. I wanted a cure. But I'm beginning to think this is a permanent condition.

I've always been privileged: able-bodied, smart, and pretty healthy. We didn't have tons of money growing up and I had some illnesses, but nothing was permanent. Not this. This hand issue appears that it is going to stay the same, if not get worse. I have a disability.

I've seen plenty of people operate with disabilities. They don't make a big deal of it. They just live. But me? I feel in the spotlight. I wonder what people think when they see me type fully with my left hand and with only one finger of my right hand. I have to explain why I don't play piano much anymore. I drop things. I have strange pains. My arm has atrophied and makes me feel self-conscious. This condition is embarrassing. I'm frustrated.

I can focus on what this condition of dystonia takes from me, but in some ways, it's a gift. It reminds me that I'm human. It forces me to slow down. It teaches me to pace myself. It requires me to ask for and accept help. It makes me recognize the benefits of health insurance and access to doctors. It provides me the opportunity to identify with others who struggle. I can't change the fact that my hand doesn't work like I want it to, but I can change the way I view this condition. Do I see dystonia as a disability, or an ability? My perspective on dystonia makes a difference in how I cope with it.

Only in Arizona...

I dubbed my currently inactive Instagram account My Arizona Adventure, but haven't written about this great state recently. (You might not think Arizona is so great after this post, though.) Here a few "only in Arizona" headlines from recent history and the distant past:

Roadside attractions:

• Castle Hot Springs Gets a Makeover. Come one, come all! Makeover your vehicle by traveling the rutted dirt roads to this elusive resort. It will only cost you $800-$1,000 a night once you get there, tow bills extra.
• The Trees are the Reason for Excess Water Use: But not for the reason you'd think. I wash my car in Arizona more than anywhere else because of the trees. We live in a desert for crying out loud, but the pine trees drop sap that continually covers my windshield and makes it hard to see. So I'm out in the driveway watering my car instead of the trees.

Wildlife:

• Bobcats Kills Rattlesnakes in the Middle of the City. This video went viral. My sister-in-law in Texas actually saw it first and told us about it.
• Feeding Wildlife May Result in Death of Animals; Don't Do It! My favorite quote is this one: "The dog was current on its rabies vaccination. The mountain lion was not." The mountain lion at the zoo is there because mountain lions are not acceptable pets in this state. Pet mountain lions are the only ones likely to get rabies shots....
• It's Open Season! One of my parents' customers had a feral pig ruining her yard. She was told by Game and Fish that the pigs came to the area via an illegal Rottweiler fighting ring, but no worries. Game and Fish said she could pull out her firearm and take the pig out of commission herself. It's open season, so no permit is needed.
• Llamas on the Loose (circa 2015). Llamas were footloose and fancy free on the streets of Phoenix. Seriously! Watch the video.
• Missing Goat. Reward! Apparently someone visited our in-town neighborhood with a goat, and it got loose. Where it went, nobody knows.

Be Bold. Be Brave. Be Daring.

My word for 2018 is Brave. (Or at least that's what my Dayspring Word of Truth quiz said.) As a type A perfectionist, being brave is hard, but the #bucketlistproject is teaching me to do it more and more. 

Time flies fast and life is taxing. There are few "good" time to do the things I want to do. I'm often tired and exhausted or don't feel well and would rather sleep or introvert than actually go out and live. (That sounds pretty awful, but I'm afraid it's often true.) There is a time and place for rest, but there are also times and places for risk.

Like eating the delicious ice cream even if it might not make me feel the best later on.

Or staying up late to see King and Country.

Or cutting loose from work early to take a flight to see my brother and sister-in-law.

Or deciding to go for a hike with Mom on Saturday even when it has been a long week.

There is a delicate balance between bravery and risk. And self-care is certainly important. But I'm realizing that for me, self-care requires me to be a little less perfectionistic and a little more brave.

Don't do stupid things, friends. But do make the decision to live now, not later. And if that means taking a few more risks, being a little more bold, being a little more brave, and daring more, DO IT! You only have one life to live.

Convicted (Book Review)

I'm working on my #bucketlistproject, and I completed the reading portion of the list with reading a biography/autobiography/memoir. I'd heard about or seen this book somewhere, and felt compelled to read it, so I ordered in off good old Amazon and dug in.

Convicted: A Crooked Cop, An Innocent Man, and an Unlikely Journey of Forgiveness and Friendship by Jameel McGee and Andrew Collins tells a story that seems too good to be true, but it is not. It's real life. The book, as told from both Jameel's and Andrew's viewpoints, reads like a first hand story, giving perspective from both men. There are a few times it feels a little forced, like when Andrew tells about giving his testimony to Jameel the first time they met after prison, but maybe that is real life, too. After all, Andrew is now an ordained pastor working with Young Life.

I do think the title of the book is a bit of an oversell. Jameel was not completely innocent, and Andrew was not a completely crooked cop. Jameel made some poor choices that caused him to "get the book thrown at [him]" when Andrew falsely arrested him. Andrew clearly states that his pride and arrogance led him down a road that led him to accuse Jameel of something he didn't do, but that he had good intentions with her career as a cop. Those issues aside, the book is powerful, both from individual and relational perspectives. God pursued Jameel for years, but Jameel did not always pursue God. At Jameel's lowest point in prison, however, he had an encounter with God. "I...started listening to God" He writes (p. 108). "I listened to what he had said to me with the Bible verses and with the three little words that kept running through my head: Let it go. Finally, I chose to do just that. I let it go. I gave my anger and my desire for revenge over to him. All of it." Jameel did get released from prison early, but he didn't go on to have an easy life. He went on to homelessness and illness and still wanting to harm Andrew. God kept speaking, "Let it go," to him, however, and in a beautiful moment shared at the end of the book, it is Jameel who is speaking these words to Andrew. God truly did reconcile Jameel to himself, and to his brother in Christ, Andrew. (Read Colossians 1:20 about God's overwhelming ability to enact reconciliation).

Andrew is harsh on himself in this book. He did wrong, and he's brutally honest about it. He didn't reach out to God until he thought he might go to prison, and then he did get incarcerated. He feared losing his marriage, and his wife stuck with him, but it wasn't easy. He feared returning to his community and wanted to run, but he did not. Andrew stayed in his community, and then he found out he had imprisoned an innocent man, something he did not think he had done. The pain just kept on coming. Sure, he had "cooked the books," to get arrests, but he had always thought he'd sent the guilty away. Jameel was innocent. With the pain of confronting Andrew's past, however, came healing. Seeing him struggle to forgive himself, and forgive people who had hurt him is powerful. Reading about Jameel's role in setting an example of forgiveness is extraordinary.

This book is not perfect, but neither is real life. That is why I highly recommend this book. It issues a call to readers to be reconciled to God, and to each other. It shows that reconciliation between races (Jameel is black and Andrew is white, though they do not talk about that differences much) and between victims and aggressors is possible. If readers finish this story and are not convicted about the power of forgiveness, they might need to ask if they are being honest about their own struggles and failures. Nobody is perfect. We are all convicted to death for our sins. That is why we all need forgiveness and friendship, and from Jesus Christ most of all!

Easter Island Trail

The week was so long and we were so tired that we almost didn't hike, but then we did. (That's the point of the #bucketlistproject, to live now, not later.) Mom and I had seen an article about Easter Island Trail in our local newspaper and immediately wanted to do it. We had to put it off until the appropriate time, however. The Saturday we chose turned out beautiful with sunshine, but a chilly wind that helped us stay cool as the day warmed.

We walked the Peavine Trail to get to the trailhead. Right away, Mom stopped me with a hand on my arm and said, "Look, look!" There was a herd of deer running down by the lake. The lake is super low right now and I have been on this trail several times, but not seen deer, so this was a special sight.

Going a little bit further, we saw some white birds. Mom whipped out her binoculars and saw that the birds were swans! I have never seen swans in Prescott either, but apparently they exist.

It was about a mile and a half to the trail head.

At that point we cut off and started the switchbacks. These were easy switchbacks, but enough to get our hearts pumping. The trail had lots of great overlooks.

 The rock formations were pretty fantastic. (The rock formations are the reason for the Easter Island name.)

We also saw some beautiful flora and fauna along the way. We don't have a lot of green in Arizona, but the cacti are pretty beautiful when they flower.

The way the rocks are stacked in the Dells reinforces my belief in a worldwide flood.

We cut off Easter Island Trail to Quartz Creek Trail. We saw this line of quartz going through the granite and then almost every stone became quartz. It was so cool that I forgot to take a picture of that part of the trail!

We walked back to Peavine trail via Boulder Creek. 

In total, we walked almost five miles.

It was a good hike, but not too tiring that we couldn't go grocery shopping afterwards. 

I had it on my bucket list to hike one new trail this year, and technically I hiked three with this adventure. I was healthy and Mom came with me, so this hike was a quintuple win in my book! Thanks Over the Hill Gang and Prescott Parks and Recreation for the work they put into this new trail.