Why Social Media

Today is National Social Media Day, and in honor of it, I thought I'd write a blog post about why I use social media. I have had Facebook since you needed a .edu address. I got Pinterest as a young working adult, and I tuned into Instagram when I moved back to Arizona. I periodically fast from social media because I admit, it can get out of hand, but each time I go back, I find some redeeming qualities, some reasons for me to use social media in moderation. Here are a few:

Camaraderie: Social media is a place to connect with like-interested (even if not like-minded!) people. I stay connected to my alma mater this way. I especially like Still I Run, and the running community as a whole. I learn from them. Maybe they learn from me. 

Celebration: Some social media is just fun! I enjoy posting joyful moments from my life. I enjoy celebrating with others from afar. I will also put in this category businesses and other entities that I follow in order to receive notifications and announcements. Not all are celebratory, but many are.

(en)Couragement: Hebrews 10:24 says, "Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." Not all the bloggers I follow are Christians, and not all are encouraging towards others, but the information I gain through social media, while a double edged sword, can encourage me towards helpful practices like self care, balanced exercise and eating, having a healthy marriage, etc. Social media also gives me opportunities to encourage others.

Community: Nothing substitutes for in-person interaction, but social media does provide some sense of connection. (See below.) I've met some special people through social media, mostly through The Joy Squad. One of these ladies is the most awesome pen pal ever!

Connection: There are some people that prefer social media as means of contact. When I delete social media, I have less access to them. Can I still e-mail or call them? Yes, but they're more likely to respond to a Facebook message or Instagram DM.

Creativity: Pinterest is a good place to find recipes. Bloggers provide fun craft and cooking ideas. I like the process of finding and reading about new ideas.

(Head on over to Instagram to see my post where I tagged some special people in each of these categories.

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All in all, social media brings me joy, so I keep using it. As I read this list, though, I realize that my reasons for using social media are a lot about me, and less about others. Maybe I need to change that. Social media brings me joy, but am I using it to bring joy to others? Food for thought....

Masks and Me

Our county recently passed a mandate requiring mask wearing in most public places. I was already wearing a mask to church and to the store, but that was for short periods of time. The new mask mandate meant that I have to start wearing a mask during most of my work day. I have to wear a mask to enter my work building, enter the lobby, go to the restroom, use the stairs; basically everything except stay in my closed, solitary office. I had been previously following the recommendations to stay six feet away from people, but the masks add complexity to my interactions. It is stressful, and at times feels like almost too much. I'm not here to argue about mask usage or effectiveness. I'll leave that to politicians, scientists, and infectious disease experts. What I would like to share are some observations about how mask usage affects me:

I overthink things. Car keys, wallet, purse, sunglasses? Check. Oh wait. I forgot my mask. 

Do I really want to run to the store to get milk? How bad do I want ice cream? Is this activity worth masking up and its associated discomforts? Maybe I'll just stay home.

I feel edgy. Wearing a mask heightens my fight, flight, and freeze response. I feel hypervigilant. I want to get in and out of places quickly. The faster I get this errand done, this activity completed, the fewer times I have to touch my face to readjust my mask. The faster I get to take this mask off.

I talk to people less. In all actuality, I can talk to people wearing a mask just like I talk to them without one, but it feels weird. And I do it less. I am less communicative in general.

I avoid people overall. I feel stand-offish wearing a mask, and I act that way, too. I'd rather not talk, and the mask gives off a, "Leave me alone" vibe. In fact, before the mask mandate, I heard an unmasked lady at the grocery store explicitly avoiding a masked lady and telling the masked lady that she didn't want to get near her because of the mask.

I tend less to my appearance. If I'm wearing a mask, who cares what's underneath? Wearing a mask, I have to fuss with my hair all the time, so why blow dry it? Might as well throw it up in a ponytail. Earrings? I learned one of the first times I wore a mask that masks pull off earring backs. So no more of those. And might as well wear old clothes and be frumpy while I'm at it.

I'm more judgmental. Let's be honest. I know I need to judge myself first, but masks make it clear who is following the rules and who isn't. Wearing a mask, despite my distaste for it, subtly breeds feelings of contempt and pride. Who am I to know why a person isn't wearing a mask? It might be because they have a health condition or no access to masks, and here I am feeling better than them. I have masks because my mom made them for me.

The upsides of the masks?

I take less chances touching my face. The mask makes it harder to touch my nose and mouth, which means I am hopefully exposing myself to less germs.

I get a chance to practice gratitude. I think of my mom when I wear the masks she made for me. I think of the times that I took in-person interactions without masks for granted. I value being close to ones I love.

I get a chance to practice what I preach. Romans 13 says to submit to governing authorities. Masks make it clear if I am obeying.

I get a chance to show my love for others. My husband brought this up in the very beginning. If I can wear a mask and make others feel safer, or actually be safer, I should.

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Do I like wearing masks? No. Do I believe they work? I don't know. Do I think the government should be mandating masks? That's a topic I know people take sides on.

What I do know is that we are required to wear masks right now. This is life. Our mask wearing is also affecting us emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Let's talk about that. But let's also realize that our mask wearing could save a life, and for that reason, if not for any other reason, we should do it.

The Castle of Love: An Allegory

There once was a princess who lived in a castle. 

It's walls were high. It's moat was wide. 

Within the walls, the princess could play, 

but outside the walls, "No, no way!"

Her jewelry might break. She might dirty her dress.

Stay inside she must, yes, yes!

The father's rules were really quite strict,

but there was nothing to do 

to change his perspective.

Even when the princess had grown

the father's close watch could not ever be thrown,

for the father's good knights roamed far and wide,

and always made sure the princess 

came back safe inside.

But one day a suitor came knocking 

and after some time, he started talking.

The father gave blessing

and the suitor, impressing

asked the girl out to town.

The princess was shocked 

when the drawbridge went down,

but when the knight knelt on one knee,

she started to see, 

that one day she might want 

her own family.

As wedding plans were made,

and rules started to fade.

The princess gained perspective.

for the castle and its jewels,

the king could care less,

but for his dear daughter, 

he wanted the best.

He'd built up the castle 

and enhanced all its walls

not to keep her in

but to keep others out.

The castle showed his love

until a day would draw near

when the princess would recognize

what he'd wanted her to hear:

"You have value."

And then out of his sight,

off into the night

he'd send her with a new protector,

a great knight she would choose

a one to whose castle

she'd now say, "I do."

To the man who taught me to love, so that I might one day love another,

Happy Father's Day!

Encouragement for This Season

Whew! It's been a season, hasn't it? COVID-19. Racial tensions. Death. Protests. Rioting. Looting. More COVID. Anxiety. Fear. Worry. Anger. It seems like life just won't let up! The Holy Spirit keeps reminding me that Jesus told us these times would come. "In this world you will have trouble," He said (John 16:33). But He followed by saying, "Take heart! I have overcome the world." It's been hard for me to take heart lately. Nothing in the world has lasting encouragement to offer. But the Word. The Word has something to offer.

Galatians 6:9

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Philippians 3:20

"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ."

2 Corinthians 4:7-12

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.  So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you."

2 Corinthians 4:17

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

Hebrews 12:1b-3

"Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

May these words encourage your heart as they have mine. The world and its words are passing away, but the Word endures forever.

We Let Our Costco Membership Expire.

Our Costco membership expired. We let it. That might surprise people, given that we are a couple focused on keeping a budget, and Costco is a budget friendly store. We actually let our membership expire because of the budget, however. Let me explain.

I started calculating the savings we gain using our Costco membership. Gas is the largest category for savings. We save an average of 10 cents per gallon of gas we buy. Multiplied by the approximate six gallons of gas I use to commute to work each month, that is 60 cents of savings, or $2.40. We save some money on products we buy, but we don't shop regularly enough for me to calculate them monthly. We also have another bulk store right next to Costco and shop there more often. We could save on eyeglasses and prescriptions at Costco, but for various reasons, we don't use Costco for those services. With Costco membership costing a minimum of $60 a year, we need to save an additional $2.60 a month to make the membership cost a wash. I'm not sure we're doing that.

Then there are the time and convenience factors. I learned about grocery pickup when COVID-19 hit, and have stuck with it since then. Costco doesn't have this service. Costco is also more difficult to enter and exit due to lines and extra precautions. Honestly, going to Costco lately has become more of a stressor that a stress reliever. I really like Costco products (think cheese, peanut butter, cocoa, cinnamon, etc.), but I wonder if my preference is really worth the costs to both our budget and our time. So we're letting our membership expire to see.

Will we likely renew our Costco membership at some point? I believe we will. Maybe in a few months. Maybe in a few years. Maybe never. If/when we go back, I want to make sure have a good rationale for doing so. I want to make sure it's worth it, and not just for budget reasons.

Marriage, Year One: Highlights

My post about our first year of marriage may have seemed like a downer. It wasn't meant to be, but I felt it necessary to post real life marriage before the highlights reel. I want to be  honest and truthful when I talk about marriage. It's not easy, at least ours isn't.  Marriage is a good gift from God, and also an incredibly refining experience. But without further adieu, on to the good stuff of the past year. I can't possibly compile all the highlights, but here are a few:

1. Wedding

That's what started this gig, so enough said! But seriously, it was a very special day, and we thank all of our family and friends who attended, as well as our pastor. Our ceremony was just about perfect.

2. Honeymoon trip

To anyone not yet married, don't let anyone convince you not to take a honeymoon. Those few days of bliss before we came back to real life and responsibilities were amazing. Turn off your phones. Enjoy getting to know each other. Make some memories. It's worth it!

3. College Homecoming

Out of the frying pan and into the fire! Chris willingly traveled on his birthday to go with me to my ten year reunion. We stayed with friends and I took him to lots of my old haunts and introduced him to even more people. He took it like a champ, and it was special to do this together.

4. Condo Buying

Buying a house was on my list of things that we should not do our first year of marriage. I wanted to settle and work on our marriage before jumping into major life decisions. Well, God had other plans and rapidly moved up our time frames. Here we are, having owned a condo for almost half the length of our marriage

5. Grand Canyon Trek

This was my husband's idea first, and quite frankly, very poorly timed with our other major life events. Hiking the Grand Canyon was on my bucket list for years, however, and I am so glad we crossed it off, together, and before COVID hit.

6.Visiting Washington

We planned this trip right after we got married. Then it fell right after we moved. Getting away and getting to see Chris' family and Seattle were a blessing, though. I'll totally go again.

7. A Mountain

This was our first official Phoenix hike, but also a hike off my bucket list. It felt fitting to welcome ourselves to the community this way. And yes, we are A versus U of A fans....

8. Camelback mountain

Another one off the bucket list, and not easy. Both Chris and I said we wouldn't have finished had not the other one been there. The sunrise and views were incredible! I'm glad we went when we did, as this is a crowded trail and I'm not sure I would go right now with the pandemic. 

9. Home Improvements

Buy a house, find a lot to do. We bought our house "move-in" ready, but it still needs some work. First, our water heater went out. We decided to buy a couch while we had the truck for that project. Chris put up lots of our pictures. He put up shelves and fixed a toilet. We ordered art from our Grand Canyon trip. I guess I should say I've been the recipient of home improvements because Chris made most of them. Still, it's been nice to make this our home together.

10. COVID dates

School and the pandemic have made getting out more costly in terms of time. I got the idea to have an indoor picnic when we got takeout, and then another night, we had a dine-in candlelight dinner. Chris made special breakfasts for us several mornings, and we've been trying to otherwise prioritize some "us" time. It's been a good respite from the monotony.

Real Life Marriage: This is Us.

Photo by Sharon Lane

Nothing really prepared me for marriage. Not seeing my friends get married. Not getting a front row seat to my parents' marriage. Not reading books. Not all my graduate studies. Not really anything. Without a doubt, marriage has been the steepest learning curve I've ever experienced.

I never expected the loss I'd feel. I never expected the identity struggles. I never expected the feelings of powerlessness and loss of control. I never expected things to be so hard, so growing, so shaping, and so revealing of my own struggles all at once. I never expected how unfair things would feel. I never expected to see how my sickness and selfishness and sin could so profoundly affect another person. I never expected the spiritual opposition. I just didn't know what I was getting into.

People say that the "honeymoon" wears off after the first months of marriage. At this year point, I think I can say this is true. There isn't any less love, but there is a whole lot more real life. Real life where we try to figure out what budgeting, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, chores, and look like for two. Real life where we have very different ideas and have to come to terms with compromise, or giving in/giving up. Real life where we realize we both assume a lot, and assume wrongly too much of the time. Real life where we recognize major communication barriers and don't know how to fix them other than to give it time.  Real life marriage where things are just messy. Real life where we need a lot of grace. Real life where two formerly very independent people are trying to from one identity. This is us.

Marriage is not easy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Our marriage is a covenant, which means we have many more years to figure out what "us" really means. To God be the glory.

United We Stand. Divided We Fall.

So many emotions. So many thoughts. To say nothing seems complicit. To say something risks worsening or escalating the situation. I want to do neither. What I want to do is share my heart, one of the driving purposes I have always had behind this blog. So here goes.

I am saddened. By the loss of life. By the resorts to violence. By the racial tensions and inequities that continue to plague our nation.

I feel fear. Fear for people of color I see on the streets. Fear for myself and my family as we walk the streets. Fear for the restaurants and businesses that just reopened and are now again economically hit. Fear that COVID cases will increase due to all the pressing together of bodies at these protests and riots. Fear that things will get worse instead of better.

I feel anger. Anger that our country is so divided. Anger that we're destroying ourselves from the inside out. Anger that life can't seem to get back to normal.

I see collective trauma, first from COVID and now from everybody watching not just one murder, but continual acts of violence. I see economic, mental, physical, and spiritual stress feeding protests and riotous behavior. I see media spinning stories to create reactions. I see my own paralysis in the midst of it all.

I haven't asked my friends of color what to do in this situation because I don't want to seem insensitive at best, or at worst, voyeuristic. I didn't participate in #BlackOutTuesday because it felt inauthentic. I definitely don't support racism, but I also don't feel right using my "power" and privilege to advocate for what I, as a white person, think needs to change. How do I know what people of color truly need? And if change requires me as a white person to act, aren't I just reinforcing white privilege and power? My heart is to support my friends of color, to let them have what I have, and I don't know how.

What seems most glaring to me right now is the polarization of society. Race against race. The COVID-cautious against the COVID-carefree. Cops versus civilians. Republicans versus Democrats. People versus people. People all going into their own corners and coming out with fists swinging. I keep thinking about how Brene Brown writes in Braving the Wilderness that nothing gets done when people are polarized. I see that right now. Right now, no one is winning. Everyone is losing. United we stand, and divided we fall.

People are trying to do stuff. They're asking. They're listening. They're learning. They're promoting. They're protesting. They're posting. Some actions seem like they could be helpful. Some are definitely hurtful. But the change does not seem to be enough. We have battled racism in our country for years. I would argue that a few advances have been made, but there is still much to do. The only true solution to systemic racism is for God to govern and rule, for the horizontal to be right, so the vertical will be right. But God will only ultimately rule and reign in heaven, a place that is definitely not here.

So what am I doing with all of my thoughts and feelings? To put it succinctly, I am praying. There are plenty of posts with suggestions about who to support and how to support, and if you feel convicted to act, please do so! This is not that kind of post. This is a post about what I feel is, in fact, the most powerful thing I can do: Pray. 

I have no clear convictions, so I am praying. I need wisdom, so I am praying. People are grieving, so I am praying. As I feel sad, I am praying. As I feel afraid, I am praying. I feel angry. I am praying. I see protesters. I am praying. Prayer unaccompanied by action will change nothing, but maybe if our nation collectively fell to its knees, God on High would be merciful and begin the movement for unity that our nation so desperately needs. Uniting in falling may just yet lead to unity in rising.

Wasted?

My husband recently completed an experiment. He stuck a discarded carrot top in a pot of soil and watered it to see if it would grow. Lo and behold, it sprouted! After awhile, the sprouts died off. Whether that was due to poor growing conditions, lack of viability, inattention, or what, I don't know. That's besides the point. The point is that something grew.

I've been thinking about that carrot in terms of life. How often do the periods of our life that feel "wasted" actually produce growth? On the other hand, how often do we waste what seems meaningless or of no value? Take, for example, the time of being at home due to COVID-19 restrictions. Was it wasted?  It could be. Many of us, including me, spent too much time scrolling social media, laying around, being afraid, etc. in the early days. But then we had a choice: do something productive, or sit and stew. Some people were really productive, think small-business starting, home-organizing, amazing mom mavericks. I wasn't. In the space COVID-19 created, I did have some new realizations, however.

I realized the need I had for grace.  I realized how many little things I took for granted. I realized the privileges of using technology to communicate. I realized how my much my communication strategies still need work. I realized more how stress affects me and what I need to do up my self-care game. I realized that I was more tired and burned out than I thought. I realized that I need to ask for help just like the next person.

Was this "quarantine" season wasted? In some ways, it felt like it. I didn't get to do things I'd planned on doing for a long time. I was disappointed. I felt and still feel grief. But this was also a period of growth; a period of realizing what's essential, and what's not; a period of realizing I can make do with less than I think; a period of growth.

Is there waste in life? Certainly. But maybe there is less than we think. Maybe there are actually more opportunities for growth than we realize. Maybe we just need eyes to see them.