What a Gray T-Shirt Taught Me About Blame

"Who put this gray work shirt in with my white load of laundry?" I grumbled as I pulled the wet clothes out of the laundry. Roughly yanking up the shirt and unfolding it, what did I discover? It was my "good" t-shirt, and I put it in the white load of laundry to keep it away from the dirty gray "work" shirts.

I am so guilty of blaming other people for my problems. And I do it without ever trying to investigate the facts or gain perspective on the situation. Blaming other people keeps me from realizing my contributions to problems. It keeps me from feeling my own pain and shame when I screw up. It can keep me from being accountable for the consequences of my own actions. 

I want and need to be quicker to investigate and slower to judge. I need to be faster to admit fault and slower to cast blame. The world might be a better place if I did (or at least I'd have a better attitude about that gray shirt in the laundry).

(Brene Brown's video on blame is excellent and the source of some of my thoughts here.)

I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for this Thinking Out Loud post.

When Overdoing It is a Good Thing

I have a tendency to overdo things. That tendency crops up in almost every area of my life. In terms of my mind, that means I tend to overthink things. I think and think and think, and worry and worry and worry, and I get myself all worked up. Overthinking has never really led to anything positive in my life.

I've had a lot on my mind recently, and I'd expect that this would lead to overthinking, but recently I've noticed a change. I've been overpraying. I find myself praying during my jogs, praying in the car, praying around the house, and generally praying in all the normal places that I tend to overthink. I'm not necessarily praying for particular answers, but rather, "Lord, I pray for ________ (person, place, or thing)." This process of praying everywhere and all the time feels weighty, yet freeing. I'm trudging through some deep stuff, but not carrying a heavy load on on my back like when I overthink. I find that reading the Bible or listening to praise music restores me more quickly than when I'm exhausted from overthinking. 

I've always told myself that overdoing anything is bad, but maybe prayer is an area of exception. After all, 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says to "pray continually" (New International Version). I wouldn't say that I'm to the "continual" stage yet, but the Spirit is certainly doing something new in my heart and in my spirit. Praise be to him! 

The Bucket List Project

I don't make New Year's Resolutions, at least not the rigid, "I will do this thing every day for the whole year," type of resolutions. I make lists of things I want to do, like I did in 2016, or set small monthly goals like I did with this year's yoga challenges. I want to have reasonable and attainable goals, if I even call them that. Maybe I should call them intentions.

My overall goal for 2017 was to pursue passion and find purpose. I wrote a little bit about that, but let's be honest, it came late in the year. For most of the year, I struggled. When I changed jobs, I realized that I'd been faking life for most of the year and hadn't really been present or truly living. That epiphany brought with it a wave of self-discovery and honestly, a lot of struggle and pain. I don't have a bad life, but there are certainly parts of life that are very hard. I wasn't quite ready for the overwhelming feelings that came with real living and lost some of my pursuit of what mattered in the process.

I am turning 30 this year. Realizing that I'm growing older by the year, I've decided to try a different approach for living in 2018. I'm constructing a bucket list. 

When I think of bucket lists, I think of Second-Hand Lions and doing what I want to do in my latter years, or at just the last minute before I die. I don't want to live like that. I want to live as many moments as I can being intentional, and present, and purposeful. Having a life's end list makes me want to put things off that I could do now. I considered a reverse bucket list for 2018, but decided against it, too. Yes, I want to be grateful, but a reverse bucket list is about what's been done. I want to focus on doing things now. 

So for 2018, I've made myself a list of 30+ things I want to do this 30th year of my life, and with my fellow JoySquad member @717jr decided to embark on the #bucketlistproject. This is a project to try to focus on doing things that matter to us now instead of later. It's a project about being intentional and taking advantage of the moments we have.

Want to join us in this project? Tag your Facebook or Instagram posts with #bucketlistproject so we can share each in other's joys. Link up with this blog by posting about your bucket list projects in the comments section. Let's seize the day today instead of waiting until tomorrow.

Top Ten of 2017

I've seen several 2017 wrap-ups, so I decided to do my own top ten based on the posts I wrote this year that got the most hits. Surprisingly, these posts do a pretty good job of summarizing my year:

Yoga Revolution (Yoga with Adriene) Review 
Nope! Not Married! 
This Isn't the Life I Planned, But It's the Life I've Been Given 
Reflections on 30 Days of Yoga 
"This is All Good News" 
Pride 
Pat's Run Weekend 
Suicide 
Growing 
13 Reasons Why 

If you follow me on Instagram, here's my Best Nine:

1. Nighttime snack-April 12, 2017
2. Afghan 50-May 26, 2017
3. Afghan 52-July 13, 2017
4. Janis Best 5K-October 28, 2017
5. Patriot Run medal-October 18, 2017
6. All dressed up for my cousin's wedding in Wichita, Kansas-June 17, 2017
7. Supporting adoption shirt-November 5, 2017
8. Chocolate tumeric oats and peanut butter-July 14, 2017
9. One year Arizona anniversary celebrated-July 4, 2017

Which post did you enjoy most? Please share in the comments section so I know more of what you'd like to see in 2018.

To God be the glory!

I Am An Ambassador.

I have been thinking a lot about life and work lately. What is my purpose? Why am I here? Am I making a difference? I ask myself. As I have pondered these questions and asked God to reveal himself, the Holy Spirit keeps bringing to mind the words of 2 Corinthians 5:20-21:

We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

I am Christ's ambassador. That hits me hard. I must confess that I don't always want to act like Jesus. I want to be selfish, not selfless. I want to be idolatrous, not idol free. I want to speak negativity rather than life. But I am Christ's ambassador no matter what I do, no matter where I go. To that extent, I ask myself:

• Am I Christ's ambassador on Instagram? Do I use that platform to bring glory to myself, or to bring glory to God? 
• Am I Christ's ambassador at work? To my coworkers? To the people I serve? To the other agencies with whom I interact? 
• Am I kind to my family at home? 
• Do I share truth on Facebook? 
• Do I walk and talk in a way that the light and hope of Christ flow through me? 
• Or at the end of the day does my life look no different from anyone else's in the world? 

To my friends and family who know I believe in Jesus as Savior and live to serve Him, I'm sorry. I'm not perfect, and therefore not a perfect ambassador of the perfect Jesus who died to save every one of us from the curse of sin. The Holy Spirit is working on me, but please forgive me and don't let my shortcomings distract you from Jesus.

If you don't know Jesus as your Savior, follow the ABC's:

A) ADMIT YOU ARE A SINNER
"All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)

B) BELIEVE THAT JESUS DIED FOR YOUR SINS, ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND THAT YOU TRUST IN HIM ALONE FOR YOUR SALVATION, COMMITTING YOUR LIFE TO HIS SERVICE.
"Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved." (Acts 16:31)

C) CONFESS YOUR SINS.
A sinner needs to acknowledge that they have sinned.
All Jesus asks us to do to receive salvation is to believe in Him.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins." (1 John 1:9)

(In Some Ways) It Didn't Look Like Christmas.

In some ways, it didn't look a lot like Christmas at our home this year. In my previous jobs, I had weeks off around Christmas. This year I needed to take a day of vacation to get additional time off. That meant Christmas activities like gift wrapping happened at the last minute.

I went shopping for Christmas clothes on Saturday the 23rd, but didn't find anything on that short of notice. So I had to wear a skirt that my Mom found in the back of the closet.

Our church has gone through an intense season of change. Christmas choir wasn't thought of until the last minute, which meant we practiced for two hours instead of two four weeks. I felt very nervous as we sang.

My brothers didn't come home this year, so it was just Dad, Mom, and I for the holidays. The house felt a little empty, as did our row at the Christmas Eve service at church.

This morning, instead of opening gifts with family right away, Mom and I went for a walk out on the plains. The three of us ate breakfast alone.

(Stollen and scrambled eggs)

One of my brothers called during breakfast, so we hurried up and ate in order to talk to him and his wife via Skype. Instead of oohing and aahing over gifts with family in person, we exchanged photos via text during gift opening. 

(Modeling my new flannel shirt)

We weren't at home for Thanksgiving, so we made turkey instead of ham for Christmas dinner. We made less sides because we had less people. Dinner tasted good, but didn't seem like a Christmas meal.

The temperature got up to 64 degrees today, so I spent time this afternoon washing my car. I have work tomorrow and need to be able to see out of my car windows.

Christmas was very different this year. In some ways, it was a time of mourning what was. In other ways, however, it has been a chance to make new memories. I appreciated my time off and tried to prioritize activities to focus on what was really important instead of what wasn't. Dad, Mom, and I spent extra time driving around to look at Christmas lights, something we enjoy, but don't always do much of when we have guests. The skirt I wore to church for Christmas Eve was the one my mom wore when she and my dad got engaged 33 years ago. The Christmas choir happened because people united instead of divided. Mom and I got to see the sunrise because we walked so early in the morning. We took more pictures than usual because of being apart from family, which means we have more documentation of our time together. Christmas dinner was uniquely satisfying because it wasn't what my taste buds expected. I didn't shiver because it was so cold outside and inside. Our "different" Christmas was a chance to remember what the holiday is really about: the little baby who came to earth in a manager to redeem us and make all things  new (2 Cor 5:17).

Please comment below with unique ways that you celebrated Christmas or saw God making things new in your life.

Finding My "Why"

If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you've probably picked up on the fact that this year has been hard for me. I resigned from one job and took another. I've struggled to find passion and purpose. I've dragged through many a day. 

After seeking and asking God, "Why?" for a prolonged period of time, the Holy Spirit Moment gave me an, "aha" moment through recalling the words of Ephesians 2:10, "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them" (New King James Version). In the context of that verse, I found that my  “Why” is to do the good that God sets before me. This truth affects every part of me, and even my more minute habits.

Why social media? 
-To encourage others (1 Thess 5:11) and decrease my anxiety (Phil 4:6; 1 Peter 5:7).

Why exercise? 
-Because my body is God's temple (1 Cor 6:19-20).

Why pursue sexual purity? 
-Scripture commands it (Heb 13:1).

Why use wholesome talk? 
-It builds others up (Eph 4:29).

Why go to church? 
-To not forsake assembly with other believers (Heb 10:25).

Why eat healthy food? 
-To not be mastered by anything (1 Cor 6:12).

Why pray? 
-To present my requests to God (Phil 4:6-8; 1 Thess 5:16-18).

Why practice thanksgiving? 
-Because God is good and His love endures forever (1 Chron 16:34).

Why work hard and do my best? 
-To honor God (Col 3:17, 23).

Why my career?
-To help widows and orphans (Ps 68:5; Ps 82:3; James 1:27).
-To show love to foreigners (Deut 10:18).
-To promote hope (Rom 5:3-5).
-To comfort (2 Cor 1:3-4)

Why live? 
-For Christ in me (Phil 1:21).
-To proclaim Christ (Rom 1:16).

Looking for your "why" friends? I encourage you to find it within the pages of God's Word.