Wise Words

I have a tendency to freak out about things. I over think. I over react. I get all in a tizzy when I don't need to. During one such episode earlier this year, my dear best friend texted me these wise words:

"There are no promises. There is no guarantee. Everything is terrifying, and there is only Jesus."

She couldn't have said anything more apt. There truly are no promises in this world. There are only the truths of the living Bible. There are no guarantees, only the reality that God is holy and that His definition of good will eventually win out. This world and its troubles are frightening. I truly don't know what will happen today, or tomorrow, or in the future. I only know that the end of my story is eternity in heaven won by Jesus' sacrificial death on the cross for my sins.

As I've faced fear after fear lately, and walked with my family and friends as they've faced their own fears, I've continually repeated my friend's words, "Everything is terrifying, and there is only Jesus." I don't enjoy facing fear, but realizing that fear is part of life and that my Savior is my only certainty is life-giving. The way I live my life is a choice, and I choose Jesus.

Walking Forward

I've written a lot about fear this summer. It's an emotion that keeps facing me in big and overwhelming ways. And sometimes, I just want to let it bowl me over. I want to give up, give in; sit in a puddle and cry. And yet each time I get to that place, crying, sobbing, falling on my proverbial (and sometimes literal) face before the Lord, He says to me, "Walk forward."

My life is very confusing right now. I'm enjoying my job but otherwise feel like the rest of my life is unsettled. I was convinced for a while that I was in a season of waiting, but right now, that feels like a lot of pain and struggle and sorrow, instead of eagerly anticipating what God has next for me.

But God says," Walk forward."

"Walk into what?" I ask.

"Walk forward."

"But I'm scared." I say.

"Walk forward."

"But what if?" I query.

"Walk forward."

"This could end in more sorrow." I plead.

"Walk forward." God repeats.

God's message is clear, so I guess I'm walking forward. Into what, I don't know. But I know that the direction and that it is towards Jesus. That is enough.

The Changes of Fall

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

~Ecclesiastes 3:1

My alarm blares and it's cool outside. I rise and shuffle to the bathroom and see no sun at the window. I pull into the driveway at night after work just as the sunlight is fading. I throw on a light jacket before dinner. Flowers begin to drop their petals and die. Tinges of colors appear in the leaves of trees. This is autumn and it's difficult for me.

I thrive on sunlight and light and joy. I relish long days of heat and warmth and productivity. I like the brown tone of my skin and the sun-kissed streaks of my hair. I like walking, and hiking, and running; wearing tank tops and shorts and cropped yoga pants. I paint my toes and wear flip-flops. I wear my swim suit to the pool even if I don't swim.

And then it's all over. It's not, but I feel like it is. I have a sense of loss and mourning and deep sadness. It's the weather, I know, but this changing of seasons is HARD for me. The weather is unpredictable. My wardrobe choices cater towards the cold mornings or the hot days and fall short at the opposite hour. The light I love arrives and departs far too quickly. Life fades and dies. But this season of autumn is like life.

Life has its seasons, too: infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood. Singleness, dating; marriage. Children, no children, being cared for by children. Elementary school, middle school, high school, college. Careers and career changes. Retirement. Life is full of change. Life is change. And change is HARD.

God is working on my heart in this season, teaching me to look for the joy amidst the pain of the hard: afternoons cool enough to sit outside midday; the return of pumpkin puree to the baking aisle; pumpkin pie spice products at Trader Joe's; autumn colors in the leaves; new crops of apples arrive. And God is reminding me that some things need to die in order for others to live. Some relationships come and then change, or go, making room for others. People we revered become people we don't know and God shows us new sources of truth. Flavors, and tastes, and preferences become different. Things that used to bring satisfaction or joy don't. It's not necessarily that the beauty is corrupted, but that it dies in order to allow us to discover something else.

New things happen in fall, but some stay the same at the same time. My family is still here to support me. I still have a home. The outdoor world might be different, but there is still sun and I can walk and hike and jog in it. My church is still standing. I still have friends, even if at a distance. The Bible is still true. I am thankful for these things. God is still here. God is still here, even as many other worldly things are falling away.

Legacy

It would have been 62 years today. Sixty-two years that my grandparents had been married. Nana went to be with Jesus three years ago, but I know that Granddad is still celebrating.

Sixty two is a big number. More than double my age. Large compared to the number of years most marriages last. One, maybe five or seven year; ten or fifteen if you're lucky.

What were the secrets to my grandparents' long lasting marriage? You'd have to ask them to be sure, but if you ask me, there were two: Jesus and mutual service. Nana and Granddad met at Bible school where they were both pursuing the things God had called them to do: Nana teaching, and Granddad preparing to be a Bible translator. Jesus was always at the center of their relationship and their marriage, and they agreed on big life decisions based on that foundation. When it came to service, there may have been some silliness, but they loved each other, and it showed. Nana followed Granddad literally all over the world when he served as a missionary pilot. She tended to him when he was deathly ill from appendictis. She prayed for him. She let him go to far places to investigate plan crashes. When Nana got too sick to travel, Granddad gave up his career to retire and stay home. Granddad cared for Nana like none other, tending to the house, taking her to doctor appointments, and making more than one trip to the emergency room. When it came time to move, Granddad did the heavy work so Nana could rest. As Nana's mind tired, Granddad stayed by her side, rarely leaving even to go grocery shopping because he knew it would unsettle her. Granddad cared for Nana right up to the end, too, sitting with her for hours in the med facility where professionals had to attend to her big medical needs. Nana wasn't always fully cognizant of what was going on around her, but she knew Granddad was there because their bond was so close.

When I think of legacy, I think of my grandparents' marriage. I don't know at this stage if I'll ever get married, but if I do, I do know this: only a marriage that is founded on Jesus survives.

So on this day, September 22, 2018, happy anniversary, Granddad and Nana. I love you and thank you for leaving the legacy of a marriage that points me to Jesus.

I Needed Flowers.

I went to Trader Joe's and bought myself some flowers. I felt a little ridiculous doing it, not because there's anything wrong with buying flowers, but because I felt like I needed them. It had been a long week. I had a cold, and I felt like my life was going down the tubes even though it wasn't. The only thing I could think that would help at the moment was flowers. So I went and bought them.

I work in mental health. I think I should have it together, but I don't. And even though I tell everyone else to take care of themselves, I don't do a very good job of it for myself. But I did it that day, and it helped, that day and for the next several days.

So here's to self-care, friends, to slowing down, and to listening to intuition. Because sometimes you really do need the flowers.

I Choose Joy-Jesus

I've been fighting so hard for joy. And some days it's just exhausting. I want to be happy and satisfied and content, but's it's a battle.

The other day as I was driving around (the car is a place I frequently talk to God, though I should do this everywhere), I had a thought: Joy isn't so much as choosing happiness, but more about choosing Jesus. Jesus is the Source of joy, the Giver of life eternal, my Connection to the Creator of everything good. There's nothing wrong with recognizing the good things in life, and I want to keep doing that. But if I look to those things for satisfaction, it will never be enough. Things fail. They pass away. They get tarnished and sullied by the evil of this world

So every day, especially on those hard days when I can't seem to find joy, I'm choosing Jesus. May I always choose Jesus, even as I continue to look for the joy He gives me on this earth.

Scarf Number Three

What started out as one scarf has now become three. It was on my #bucketlistproject to make a scarf with my sister-in-law. But then I made another one for my best friend. And I figured I'd better make one for my other friend, too. I don't want to be unfair in my scarf giving!

No really, scarves are easy to make and different from my usual afghans and sometimes quicker (though not this one).

So without further ado, here's scarf number three:

As per the norm, I used Red Heart yarn. This is their blue color.

The pattern is Eve's Scarf from Pattern Paradise.

I'll probably move back to afghans soon, but are there any other types of projects I should try before I do? I'd welcome feedback in the comments section.

Godliness or Control

A lot of people seem to think that I'm perfect. Nope! Maybe I just hide my sin a little better than some because it's in my heart more often than it's apparent in my actions. And that isn't something to brag about.

I was convicted of my sinful nature again this past weekend when the Holy Spirit prompted me to do something I didn't want to do. I had drawn a line in the sand and was like, "Nope!" I wrestled with the issue for awhile and then the Spirit asked, "Do you want to be godly, or do you want to be in control?"

Convicted. I did the thing and decided not to be passive aggressive and trying to get my own way. This wasn't a victory for me, but it was a victory for the Spirit. Praise Him! May He continually have more victory in my life.

Any Spirit victories in your lives recently, friends? Please feel free to share in the comments section below.

Unshaken Prayer Conference

I worked a half day on Friday, and then we headed to Phoenix to get my sister-in-law from the airport. Her flight got a little delayed, so Mom got some coffee while we waited. I crocheted.

We swung by the church to drop off Mom to check in for the Unshaken Conference and then ran to Chic-Fil-A to get some dinner. I got into the worship time a little late, but I made it.

The first night, we worshipped with 29:11 and then heard from Cheryl Saks of Bridge Builders and Sally Burke, Moms in Prayer President. My two take-aways were that secular schools cannot meet the spiritual needs of students and that God is not shaken. The key verse for the event was Psalm 16:8,"I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken" (New International Version, NIV). The more we look to God, the more we will be like Him, unshaken.

We got to bed pretty late Friday night, but we still woke up early. So Mom and I went for a walk. We discovered some lovely little water features in the middle of an industrial center and apartment complex.

Day two of the conference was intense, but good. The focus was on persevering prayer, even when we don't have answers or see answers. One of the speakers talked about how sometimes we persevere in prayer not so that we get what we want, but to remind others to pray and not give up. Karen Abercrombie, aka Miss Clara of War Room, talked about how God led her to that role. Basically, she prayed and waited 13 years to play a character like this. Her testimony was pretty powerful. We had a boxed lunch and fellowship, and then more stories about how God is working around the world through prayer.

I don't know that I'll ever be a prayer warrior like my mom, but I'm glad I had a chance to go to this conference with her and my sister-in-law. In the midst of all the craziness, I do need to remember to look up instead of looking down or in. I tend to be an easily shaken person, but I serve an unshakeable God, and prayer is my connection to Him.

I Choose Joy.

It's no secret that For King and Country is my favorite band. And I do get super excited when they put out a new song. (I'm eagerly awaiting the release of their new album October 5th.) But the reason I like their music so much is that it resonates with me. Take for example, their new song, "Joy."

"And I choose joy" is the central lyric of their chorus. My life is not terrible by any means, but I have been struggling. I get tired and exhausted and somewhat despairing of life more often than I'd like to admit. And multiple times lately, as I've been feeling this way, I've turned on the radio and heard, "Joy." Through it, I heard the Holy Spirit gently asking me, "What will you choose, Sarah?"

I truly believe in the importance of honoring and acknowledging feelings, but I also know I can't dwell in the feeling realm. Nancy Wilson, in her book, Learning Contentment, writes that “Ruminating on your troubles makes you grumpy, increases your lack of thanks for what you have, and 'stresses you out' so you can't enjoy your blessings” (p. 47). She states that the direction of our gaze fixes the contentment of our hearts. As I drove into Prescott last weekend after a particularly frustrating morning, I had to ask myself where my eyes where, and they're weren't on God or on expressing gratitude. They were on myself and my troubles. As God worked on my heart, "Joy" came on and the Spirit once again asked me, "What will you choose?"

So as I work to fix my eyes on Jesus, I'm giving myself a little challenge. I'm starting an #IChooseJoy hashtag campaign for the month of September to remind myself to look for the good, focus on Jesus, and express gratitude. 

Want to join me? Just use the #IChooseJoy hashtag and feel free to tag me when you post. I'm at MyArizonaAdventure over on Instagram and you'll see I started the campaign with my September 1st photo. My goal is to post at least once a day all month long, because I truly want choosing joy to become a habit.

Labor(less) Day

Yesterday was a day I needed, probably more than I knew. I started the day with a 5.75 mile hike on by Willow Lake. Mom and I hiked part of this trail earlier this year, but this time, a friend and I did a little more.

The views were beautiful. The fresh air did me good.

And I actually got a picture of Quartz Canyon this time! The whole wash is filled with quartz. It's pretty spectacular.

After hiking, we went to see one of my coworker's band play. Outside time + music = Happy Sarah.

Then I came home and was finally relaxed enough to nap. Littlest brother called and I made family dinner.

Grilled Hawaiian teriyaki burgers (from Skinny Taste), parsley mashed potatoes, and corn from Mom's garden

It was a good day. And the ironic thing is that I was freaking out Sunday night because there was rain in the forecast and I thought it would ruin my plans. The Holy Spirit convicted me that I should pray about it, and when I woke up, the rain had moved back a bit. It literally started raining when I was five minutes from getting home. Oh the goodness of God...