Clean it Up!

"Again Jesus called the crowd to him. He said, 'Listen to me, everyone. Understand this. Nothing outside of a person can make them "unclean" by going into them. It is what comes out of them that makes them "unclean."'"

~Mark 7:14-16, New International Reader's Version

Watch what you eat. Watch what you breathe. Watch what's in your mattress. Mandates to clean up our diets, environment, and homes are everywhere. We have websites devoted to clean eating, expensive air purifiers to keep smog out of our homes, and lots of people tout the benefits of organic, chemical-free bedding. These things aren't bad, per se, but I think we can hyper focus on these things.

As I've bopped in and out of the news scene these past few weeks (I purposely try not to consume much news because it all seems biased), I've seen a lot of hate. We hate because of race. We hate because of ethnicity. We hate because of sexual orientation. We hate because of mental illness. We hate because of stigma. We hate because of religion. There's a lot of ugly, yucky, unclean stuff.

So what if we put as much focus on cleaning up outflow as we put on cleaning up our intake? What if we listened more and spoke less? What if we gave more freely and took more sparingly? What if we empathized instead of criticizing? What if we did more perspective-taking instead of perspective-making? What if we loved more? 

I think love would do more to clean up our society than any amount of "clean" living could.

This post was inspired by my friends at Joni Perry, PLPC and A Reasonable Adventurer.

For King and Country Concert

I did it! I finally went to a For King and Country concert. I've liked King and Country since their song, "Fix My Eyes" came out when I was in graduate school. It became my fight song as I started my internship for counseling. Later, after my dear brother bought me the CD, "It's Not Over Yet," became especially special. My roommate was playing it the night I came home after making a call for emergency assistance. I heard it on the radio after I made the final decision to let the deal on a house I wanted to buy fall through. I've watched videos of King and Country performing and gotten a little jealous of friends on Facebook who posted about seeing them in person. So in the spirit of the #bucketlistproject, I decided I needed to find a way to see them in concert.

I asked a few friends if they wanted to go see King and Country, but none seemed that interested. When Dad offered to go with me, I jumped on the opportunity to have an extra long date with him, and benefit from him driving the hour and a half to the concert venue. (Driving is not my favorite activity in life.)

 Here we are before leaving for the concert.

Dad was excited to see Matthew West at The RoadShow, but most of this trip was a sacrifice for me. He shortcut his Sunday nap for me. He parked at the garage I wanted, not the one he wanted. He walked with me from the parking garage to the venue instead of taking the shuttle.

He took a photo with me by The Road Show backdrop.

He sat with me in our "nosebleed seats," (which turned out to be pretty good, in my opinion). The tickets were only $10, and the GCU arena of 7,000 was sold out, so I'm glad we got seats period.

 He took a selfie with me.

The concert line-up was great, a little too great in my opinion. There were too many good artists before King and Country, which was the reason for my trip, and I kind of just wanted them to hurry up. But alas. They did not.

 The evening started with Bethel Music, which set the stage for worshipping Jesus, not just seeing a performance (ahem, six performances).

Next came Zack Williams,

then Natalie Grant.

We had intermission, followed by Matthew West and Social Club Misfits. Then came For King and Country. It was quite the production,

complete with shadow screens!

The set opened with "Run Wild," followed by "To The Dreamers." Then came, Fix My Eyes," "Not Over Yet," and a song from their new album (to be released), "Choose Joy." They were singing "Shoulders" at 10 pm (the concert started at 6 pm!) when we decided to walk out and head home.

It was an exhausting night, but worth it! I so enjoyed seeing and hearing (though the decibel levels could have been much lower) King and Country in person. And now I've crossed off one more item from my bucket list. (Big shout out to Dad for facilitating!)

What items have you crossed off your bucket list lately, friends? Please share in the comments section.

Praising, Not Performing

I grew up singing in choir. Performances were all about perfection: the right notes, the right timing, the right clothes, etc. Singing on the worship team is anything but, at least at my church.

A few weeks ago, we rehearsed our music for two and a half hours on a Thursday night to get it kind of right. When I arrived for practice Sunday morning, however, the worship leader I'd practiced with was absent, and another leader there to fill in. In a matter of an hour, we'd changed out several songs in the set, switched keys in several others, and decided that I'd lead a verse on one of the new songs. The verse that kept echoing through my head was this, "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us" (2 Cor 4:7, New International Version). The Spirit was reminding me that singing on worship team was about God's power, not mine.

Leading worship is a very different experience from singing in choir. I'm standing at a microphone. I'm looking out over a crowd. I'm never as practiced as when I sang with a choir. I feel nervous much of the time. It's an experience where I have to rely on God's power, not my own. 

My job on worship team is to praise God, not perform. Praising God adores Him. Performing adores me. Praising God allows for inadequacy on my part. Performing nitpicks at mistakes. Praising guides listeners into an experience. Performing provides an experience. 

I'm not very good at singing on worship team, and I hope I'll get better with practice. That might help with the nerves a little. I do hope, however, that I can always make this experience about God and not about me. Because if it's about me, it's not about worship of my King, and it's only through His power that I live and breath and move and sing.

Lacking No Good Thing

A pastor recently preached a sermon on Isaiah 40:27-31 at church. He talked about how God sees us in our hard times. He stated that God might have us in a season of discomfort because that's where he wants us so that he can accomplish His purposes. That comment really resonated with me. I don't want to be where I am, but this is where God has me.

This season of life is uncomfortable. I want a lot of things right now that I don't have. I want to be married and have a family of my own, even if it doesn't include kids. I want better health. I want less stress about my job, and a predictable schedule. I want to do well at my work and still have enough energy to have a social life, and more. These are all good things in theory, but yet Psalm 34:10 says, "Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing" (New International Version). I see now that the house I wanted to buy wasn't good for me. I really need my parents. But these other things? I don't know why I don't have them, other than that they must not be good for me right now.

In Psalm 16:6, David writes, "The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Regardless of how uncomfortable I am right now, I know that I have an eternal home in heaven. I know that I have a forever support in the indwelling Holy Spirit. I know that I can endure all things through Christ's strength (Phil 4:13). I can't discount the hard in life, but maybe I need a different perspective. Maybe I need the perspective that God has me here to learn, that this season is good for me. Maybe I need to start looking for God's comfort, rather than worldly comfort. I know I need to complain less and celebrate God's provision more. If I lack no good things, that means I have good things in this uncomfortable season, and I need to start looking for them.

I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for this Thinking Out Loud post.

Chocolate Oats 2.0

Those of you who know me well know I love chocolate oatmeal in all its many forms. And this year, the hustle and bustle of life helped me invent a new version: the all-in-one jar (or bowl) breakfast. 

I started drinking protein shakes again last fall when I was doing a little more intense weight-lifting program. (I saw "little" because the most I can lift is 40 pounds in a deadlift and my "program" simply looked like lifting weights more intentionally on more frequent occassions." I always liked to drink my protein shakes in a whipped up latte form, but then I got busy and didn't have time. One day I threw the protein powder into my oats and added my traditional applesauce and cocoa and was like, "Wow! This actually tastes good!"

I started in on protein powders in college and went from soy to whey to a vegan blend. I stuck with that blend from Sunwarrior for awhile. (I read a review that said Sunwarrior's Warrior blend had a complete amino acid profile, and I was trying to eat more vegetarian at the time.) When I moved to Arizona, I found Trader Joe's vanilla protein powder and changed to that. It's my favorite at this point because it stirs into oats easily and has natural sweetness from coconut sugar. (I find Sunwarrior's blend more earthy and powdery tasting. It's also sweetened with stevia, which I don't like.) But I digress. Any protein powder will work for these oats, so on to the recipes!

Stove-top:

1/2 c quick-cooking oatmeal
1 1/2 c water
1/2 c unsweetened applesauce
1 T dark cocoa powder
1 t cinnamon
1 scoop protein powder

Directions:

1. Bring water and oats to a boil and reduce heat to medium. 
2. When oats reach the desired consistency, stir in the cocoa powder, applesauce, spices, and protein powder. Add more water, if neede
3. When oats reach the desired consistency, transfer oatmeal to a bowl and enjoy!

Overnight:

1/3 c quick-cooking oatmeal
2/3 c water
1/2 c applesauce
1 T dark cocoa powder
1 t cinnamon
1/2 t pumpkin pie spice
1 scoop protein powder

Directions:

1. Add all ingredients to a jar and stir.
2. Refrigerate overnight.

Tell me: Which version of chocolate oats did you try? Which was your favorite? Please share in the comments section.

I'm SO Tired...

I'm SO tired. 

How do I know? Besides physical symptoms of yawning and general malaise, there are some other common markers for me:

• It takes more time to get out of bed in the morning.
• I cease reading my Bible on a regular basis.
• My runs are slower.
• I spend WAY too much time on social media.
• I look to food for comfort and emotionally eat.
• I don't go to bed on time, often due to the two aforementioned issues.
• I'm cranky and irritable.
• I lack creativity.

I can be angry with myself about these things, or I can give myself grace. I can recognize my signs of tiredness and start thanking my brain and body for them. Now's not the time for shame or blame or guilt. Now's the time for addressing the issue.

Things I'd Like to Lose To Live a Healthier Life

'Tis the season to diet. Okay, so we're past the New Year and into February, but I still hear diet talk everywhere:

• "I can't have that. I'm on X diet." 
• "X pounds lost. X to go." 
• "I've gotta lose weight before X event."

You know what I want to say? Food is just one part of life! Okay, yeah, some people want to lose weight and I don't want to shame them about that, but for me, there are a whole lot of things I'd like to lose other than weight:

1. Anger at myself and others for misdeeds done, because we could all use a little more love and grace.
2. Unforgiveness, because it does more harm to me than it does to my offenders.
3. Comparison, because I'll never be as good as them, and they'll never be like me. We're our own people, unique and beautiful in our own ways.
4. Shame. There's a fine line between guilt that motivates me to change my behavior and shame that backs me into a corner and prevents me from making connections. (See Brene Brown's book.) I don't want to live there.
5. Rules and expectations about what I should do, whether it comes to food, exercise, social interactions, or something else. Most of these areas are value-neutral, so I'd like to lose the rules and enjoy life instead of trying to fit my life into one little box.

Excuse me if I'm being presumptious, but if I could lose the weight of these five things, I think I'd be a whole lot healthier than I would be on any one diet.

What about you, friends? What would you like to lose to become a healthier version of you? (And please don't say pounds. That's clearly not the point of this post.) Please share in the comments section.

I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for this Thinking Out Loud post.

*This post was inspired by "The Numbers That Count" by Rachael Hartley.

A Review of Yoga Fix 30

Another January, another 30 day yoga challenge completed. This seems to be a theme for me. But hey, the New Year is a great time for a reset, and when there are challenges to do, why not?

This year, I completed the Yoga Fix 30 with Lesley Fightmaster. This was a series of roughly 20 minute videos targeting all areas of the body, usually with a meditation on Sunday. Here's what I liked, what I learned, and what I didn't like.

I liked...

• The brevity of the videos: I didn't need to get up early or carve out a huge chunk of time for yoga. I could add the videos onto a shorter workout, or do them after work.
• The duration of the videos: Thirty days is long enough to feel like I worked hard, but not so long that I regretted my commitment. I was ready for a few days break when the series finished.
• The accessibility of the videos: I used to like hard yoga, but after a bout with the flu (or whatever it was), these were challenging enough, without stressing my body.
• The imperfections: Fightmaster leaves the mistakes in her video, which makes me feel a whole lot better when I fall out of a pose. "Fall out. Get right back in," she says. That's a good motto for life.
• The mantra at the end: "Hands to the forehead, reminding us to have clear and loving thoughts. Hands to the heart, reminding us to have clear and loving intentions. Hands to the mouth, reminding us to have clear and loving communications." This is biblical if I do say so myself.

I learned...

• How to do an up dog: I could never figure out how cobra and up dog were different, but I finally got it. Thighs on the floor for cobra. Thighs off the floor for up dog. And in real up dog, I'm closer to the cool feet-flip that gets people back into down dog.
• Long workouts aren't for me: I did add my daily video on at the end of weights or jogging a few days, and I was tired. About 30 minutes is good for me. Much more, and I just don't do a good job.
• To take modifications: I am a perfectionist and want to do things 100%. But with the flu and my overall tiredness, I rested more in these yoga videos. And it was okay. I still got through.
• Yoga, as with any habit, is about priorities: There isn't time for everything, so I had to choose to do yoga over other workouts or activities. Nothing lost, but something gained. Life is about choices.
• You really should wait two hours after eating to practice: I left my video until after dinner one night, and though I waited as long as I could after eating (an hour or more), I didn't feel well afterwards. Lesson learned.

I didn't like...

• Sunday meditations: I would have preferred a shorter, gentler yoga class in lieu of the meditations. But it's okay, because I used that time to try to practice my own flows.
• The ads: It's a peril of YouTube, but I didn't enjoy clicking past the ads at the beginning of each video. I almost always felt rushed going into them, and the ads took a few more seconds of my time.
• The pacing: A few of the videos moved too fast for me, at least in my current state. I didn't like feeling like I couldn't keep up.
• My malaise: I don't think it was the videos' fault, but I felt more disconnected this time through yoga. I didn't feel as relaxed or calm. Maybe that's because I've been sick. Maybe it's because I'm stressed. I don't know, but whatever the cause, the videos felt more like a chore this time.
• The lack of Christian connection: I believe that Christians can practice yoga as an integration of body, mind, and spirit (because that's the way God made us). Fightmaster doesn't tout herself as a Christian yoga practitioner, so I can't fault her secular comments and connections, but some day, I would like to find a Christian yoga video producer.

That's all for this yoga wrap-up. Thoughts, comments, or questions? Please share in the comments section.

Why I Don't Plan to Celebrate Valentine's Day

I don't plan to celebrate Valentine's this year. I'm single and always have been. And I've celebrated Valentine's Day in the past as a single person. But this year, I'm just over it. 

Why am I over Valentine's Day this year? Because it's become so laden with commercialism and expectations. Men are expected to buy their women flowers and chocolate. Women are expected to dress up and be super "sexy." (I'll never forget the day a women came into JCPenney desperate to find a certain type of lingerie on Valentine's Day. As an employee, I had to tell her that we didn't have it. And I felt so bad for her because she was obviously trying to live up to some kind of expectation, whether hers or someone else's.) And is that what love is? I don't think so.

My parents have been married a lot of years, and sometimes Dad gets Mom flowers on Valentine's Day. But most of the time not. Instead, he shows her his love a thousand ways throughout the year. He buys her the special kind of dark chocolate she likes. He picks out movies to watch with her. He takes her out to eat. And he does "non-romantic" things with her, too, like grocery shopping and going to the doctor and working in the yard. That's more of what love is to me.

Love is non-romantic, too. That's what I've focused on when I celebrated Valentine's Day in the past. I wrote notes to friends, sent cards to my family, and ate special dinners with people I cared about. I love lots of people in non-romantic ways, but that's a throughout the year kind of love, too.

My dad has occasionally bought me flowers on Valentine's Day, and if he does that again this year, I'll be thankful. (Update: He gave Mom and I cards, coffee, and chocolate yesterday before I had a chance to post this.) But I'm more grateful for the ways that my family shows me love on a day-in, day-out basis. Like when Mom puts away dishes for me or leaves dinner for me on the stove long after she and Dad have eaten. When Dad offers to squeegee the sap off my car windows or change my oil, I feel loved. When my parents comes home with random gifts like these sneaker boots, I feel loved.

I'm thankful for the love of friends, too. Like the package that came to me with a cactus bag that my best friend bought for me on her trip to Australia. Or the handwritten letters from another friend. Or Facebook messages from someone I haven't heard from in awhile.

Love is so much bigger than Valentine's Day, and that's why I'm not focusing on the holiday this year. I'm planning to go to a training for work and come home and love on and appreciate my family like I should do every day. When the urge comes to do something kind for them, to cook, or clean, or buy gifts, or say, "I love you," I will. Because that's a true, enduring love instead of a transient one.

Friends, what do you plan to do for Valentine's Day? If you plan to celebrate, great! I'd be interested in hearing about how you make the day special.

If like me, you don't celebrate Valentine's Day, how do you show love to those around you? Please share in the comments section.

Be Kind.

I've had a Bible verse rattling around in my head a lot lately. It says, "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord" (Rom 12:9, New International Version [NIV]). This verse is pertinent to a lot of situations in my world and in the world, but I think it also relates to kindness and empathy. How so? Let me explain.

When I want to take revenge, when I want to get even, I'm not trusting God. I'm trying to take things into my hands, to exercise my control over the situation. And guess what? I'm not in control.

Kindness, in a similar manner, is rooted for me in a trust in God. I have to trust that God is fair and just, that he created all people, and that I need to view and treat them as such. In the Parable of the Vineyard Workers, the Master states, "'Should you be jealous because I am kind to others?’" (Matt 20:15, New Living Translation). When Jonah gets mad that God spared the city of Ninevah from destruction, God says, "'Is it right for you to be angry?'” (Jonah 4:4, NIV). In these verses, I see God clearly saying, "Be kind. Trust me. I'll take care of things."

Not everyone who reads this believes in God or has a relationship with Jesus, I know (but you can!) But seriously, can we be a little kinder in the world? We're not in control! None of us are perfect. If we stopped thinking we could right the world, maybe the world would be a little more right.

I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for this Thinking Out Loud post.

We Are A Motley Crew.

"We are quite the motley crew." Those are the words that came out of my mouth one night as I arrived home after my nearly ten hour day and found Mom just getting around to cooking dinner. I wasn't angry. I understood, because we all seem to be in the same boat these days.

I've written about how this past year wasn't what I expected, but man, this past year wasn't what my parents expected, either. I won't go into detail about their struggles, but suffice it to I'm not the only one facing health issues, lagging motivation, or discouragement. We need each other, or at least I need them.

Christmas 2017

At this stage of my life, I need my parents for a lot of things. I need them to feed me when I come home starving at 6:45 pm and need food stat before I go finish my paperwork for the day. I need them to put my tithe check in the offering at church on Sunday while I'm on the platform singing with the worship team. I need their listening ears when I have had a hard day and want a safe place to vent. I need Dad's car advice and Mom's medical knowledge. I need to have them cover for me when I can't complete my household chores. I need their encouragement and their truth-telling. I need their prayers. Basically, I'm surviving right now because of my parents' material and immaterial support, support I didn't really want or want to need when I moved home a year and a half ago.

I'm not sure I'm giving as much to my parents as they give to me, but I hope I'm contributing to their lives in some ways. It's not a tit-for-tat situation, but I hope that I can encourage my parents to at least some degree. I hope that on the days when I have extra time and can do extra around the house, that I help. I hope that I contribute to discussions by providing new information and a different perspective. I pray for Dad's safety as I hear his truck leave for work in the mornings. I pray for Mom's activities as I think of her throughout the days. I hope that in some ways, I'm improving the lives of my parents by living life with them in their home.

I joke that between the three of us adults at home, we might have one fully healthy, operational human. Each one of us has too many issues to be fully functional ourselves. But isn't that the way it's supposed to be? The Word says that, "Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ" (1 Cor 12:12, New International Version). We're meant to need each other. We're built to rely on each other. It's the world that tells us otherwise. 

Realizing my need for parental and community support is hard and humbling, but it's necessary, and biblical. The waves are rough and the seas are tough, but my parents are my crew. Motley or not, we're in this together.

Dismissing Compliments

"You're doing a good job," my supervisor told me.

"Yeah, and now I need to get well." I replied. (I've been feeling under the weather for awhile.) I've been waiting to hear those words of affirmation at work, and then I totally dismissed them! Why did I do that?

I am a perfectionist, and I work hard. I want affirmation. I often get fussy when I feel undervalued or underappreciated. Realizing how I dismissed this comment makes me ask, questions of myself, however. "Do I really recognize it when people give me approval? Or do I blow it off?" If I'm blowing people off or discounting what they say, who am I complain? They're giving me what I've asked for, and I'm dismissing it.

When I think about my relationship with God, I wonder if I treat him the way I sometimes treat affirmation. How many blessings of God do I dis-acknowledge or dismiss? Meanwhile, I complain about what God hasn't given me. No good! That doesn't honor Him or benefit me.

So here's to reopening my eyes and my ears, to recognizing and acknowledging compliments when given. To appreciating God's gifts and complaining less. After all, Philippians 2:14 says to "do all things without complaining" (New King James Version, emphasis mine). I've got a ways to go on that one.

I Don't Want to BE the Best, Just DO My Best.

Back in December, I read a post in The Joy Squad Facebook group about finding joy in work. I didn't think too much of it. Sure, I was tired and frustrated about how much I was working, but I'm an achiever, and honestly, I took some pride in how much I was working and how efficient I was being. And then the flu (or a flu-like virus) hit. I ached, ran a fever, had a terrible runny nose, and went to the doctor twice. I was out of work for a almost a week (but thankfully some of the days fell on scheduled vacation/holidays, so I only had to take two days off). I've been lacking in energy since, and thinking more about one particular comment on that post.

A lot of women replied to the post last December, but one response stuck out to me.  That woman wrote, "Now I am back at a corporate job and want nothing more than to break the culture of martyrdom and the glorification of busyness." Those words have resonated with me as I've returned to work. In the past, I've found identity in matryrdom and busyness, but now I find myself thinking differently. I find myself thinking, "I want to do my job and go home" instead of, "What's the most I can work today?" I've been thinking, "I want to meet my efficiency goals," rather than, "I want to exceed my goals this week." I've been thinking about how I want to identify myself as a human, and not as a workaholic.

My mom picks Bible verses to pray for us each year, and for me this year, she chose 1 Peter 4:10. It reads, "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms"  (New International Version). This verse really applies to my current outlook on work. I want to do my job and I want to do a good job, because that is what God has called me to do. Sure, I feel a little guilty when I come home early and don't get into overtime, but overtime is not my best work. My best work is when I allow God to fill me up, pour out, and then leave work and go home and get refilled.

Overtime is a part of my job, to be sure, but I want to stop pursuing it. I want to stop looking at our efficiency reports each week and feeling guilty because I'm not leading the pack. Constantly trying to BE the best is exhausting, and at some point will lead to me DOING work that is less than my best. So me new motto is to stop trying to BE the best and start DOING my best. May God give me strength.

I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for this Thinking Out Loud post.