All the Things With Beans

Remember when I bought that 50 pound bag of black beans? If you follow me on Instagram, you probably saw the picture I posted with what looked like a sack of dog food. Well, we finally finished it off. (To be transparent, we slowed our consumption of black beans considerably as other foods became available, especially as I tired of eating black beans in my lunch salads every day). But we sure made a ton of things with that 50 pound bag of beans. I tried to record all the recipes we completed, but probably missed a few, so without further adieu, the list we have:

Entrees and mains:

Barbecue black bean pizza (Budget Bytes)

BBQ bean sliders (Budget Bytes)

*BBQ black bean tacos (She Likes Food)

*Beef and black bean tacos (Budget Bytes)

Black bean pasta bowl (Ready Set Eat)

*Brown Rice Burrito Bowls With Spicy Black Beans and Onions (Parade)

Dr. McDougall's black bean sloppy joes (Brand New Vegan)

*5-Ingredient vegetarian black bean and spinach enchiladas (Work Week Lunch)

Guinness chicken tacos (The Kitchen Paper)

Instant Pot black bean burrito bowls (Running with Spoons)

*Instant Pot black beans and rice (Cozy Peach Kitchen)

*Instant Pot black bean tacos with avocado crema (With Two Spoons)

Instant Pot cheesy enchilada rice (365 Days of Slow Cooking)

Instant Pot Mexican black beans and rice (365 Days of Slow Cooking)

Instant Pot Mexican quinoa (Cook with Manali, Project Meal Plan)

Loaded mashed potato bowls (Budget Bytes)

Mexican beef skillet (Fit Foodie Finds)

*One pot vegetarian chili mac (Budget Bytes)

Poor man's burrito bowls (Budget Bytes)

Pumpkin quesadillas with black beans and green chiles (She Likes Food)

Roasted sweet potato, black bean and lime rice bowls (This Wife Cooks)

Sheet pan sweet potato nachos (Bucket List Tummy)

Southwestern Black bean pasta salad (She Wears Many Hats)

Southwestern pot pie (Kitchen Stewardship)

Spicy bean and rice burritos (Key Ingredient)

Sweet potato and black bean enchiladas (Bowl of Delicious)

Sweet potato and black bean tacos (with honey and lime) (Cooking Classy)

Sweet potato black bean quesadillas (Well Plated by Erin)

Taco pasta salad (Brown Vegan)

*Taco stuffed sweet potatoes (Running with Spoons)

Vegan bean burgers (Detoxinista)

Vegan tacos with quinoa taco meat (My Crazy Good Life)

Side dishes:

"Baked" black beans (Ready Set Eat)

*Cowboy caviar (Budget Bytes)

Snacks and desserts:

Black bean brownie batter dip (Shaped by Charlotte)

*Flourless chocolate blender muffins (Chocolate Covered Katie)

(See my riff on the recipe here.)

Soups:

*Instant Pot black bean soup (The Food Network Kitchen)

Pressure-cooker black bean soup (Taste of Home)

Smoky chicken and butternut squash chili (Parade)

Spicy black bean soup with cilantro crema (Food and Wine)

Vegan black bean soup (Vegan Richa)

Uses for just plain beans:

-As filler in recipes (to stretch meat)

-As pizza topping

-In chicken and rice bowls
-In salads

-In dinner wraps (with fresh pico de gallo and sour cream)

-To give away (Yes, we did some of this, too!)

-As decoration (My husband has a cup of beans to hold all of his pencils and pens at his desk.)

*I noted recipes that we repeated, or were worth re-peating with an asterisk. We could probably make a lot more recipes with black beans, but after 50 pounds, we might take a break, at least a little one.

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Any recipes you would like to try from this list? Do you have any favorite black bean dishes? Please feel free to share in the comments section.

When the Weight is Too Great to Bear

Tragedy is heavy, trauma excruciatingly painful. Even when not directly our own, it affects us. We don't know how to cope. We don't know how to support. We are uncertain about who to ask for help, or how to ask for help. But we know we have to. We cannot bear it alone. We learned this even more deeply recently.

I got the news of a tragedy in our extended family first by text, and then by phone. I was trying to work, but greatly dysregulated. I needed support. I talked to a trusted coworker first. It was essential that I  talk to an actual person. I needed the co-regulation. Then I texted my mom. She is a pray-er, and I needed the power of her prayers. After work, I called my parents. I needed their comfort. I went home and made sure to eat a good dinner. Thank goodness I had leftovers, as it prevented me from having to make many decisions. My brain didn't have much functioning, but needed nourishment. I did my chores, talked to my husband who was away due to the event, and went to bed. I needed routine, and I needed sleep.

I got up again the next day and again reached out to my parents and my husband. There were many uncertainties and I still didn't know what to do. Slowly but surely, as I reached out and as my family made known their needs, we saw a community come around. We saw people we didn't know reach out to offer prayers and assistance. Coworkers and friends who didn't know our family offered the same. We were given grace when we did not complete things we needed to do. The burden we bore became shared. It did not make the burden-bearing easy, but it certainly made an immense difference!

So often, I find myself falling into a trap of feeling like I have to do it all. It is a lie I believe and a struggle I face often. In this situation, though, I couldn't do it all. I couldn't really do anything, and at the same time, I needed so much. God in His great mercy and grace, provided that "so much," and so much more. Galatians 6:2 commands, "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" (New International Version). I had always understood this verse in theory. Tragedy caused me to experience its truth. When the weight is too great to bear, the burden is meant to be shared. In fact, I would argue that tragedy is the type of thing that must be shared if it is to be bearable at all.

The Strong Woman

The United States of America has its first female vice president. Women continue to shatter "the glass ceiling" in the stock market, sports arena, and beyond. At the same time, a record number of women are leaving the workforce to stay home, at least in part due to the COVID-19 pandemic. If "the future is female," it seems we have two seemingly opposing forces at work: one working to promote female gender equality and the second pushing women "ten years back." But are these forces truly opposing? Does the furtherance of female equality really mean that all women need to break societal stereotypes and do great work in the marketplace? Or are there alternative narratives where women stay at home and have just as much inherent worth and value? I am here to suggest that there might be more than one way to be a strong woman.

I have seen many strong women in my life: my nana, my mother, female missionaries, etc. My nana had two bachelor's degrees, one in zoology, and one in Bible. My mother was a sharp-witted nurse who practiced impeccable care for tiny infants in the NICU. My nana blazed frontiers as a missionary. My mom provided healthcare for natives in outlying areas of a foreign country. I have known many females who lived most of their lives among indigenous people to provide medical care and bring the gospel to those who desperately needed it. I have been exposed to genius professors, women who worked while their husbands did the stay-at-home dad thing, female engineers, female marketeers, etc. Many of these women were married. Some were not. Some spent their entire lives in the marketplace. Some made the abrupt, and sometimes final decision to stay home. Some never went to work at all. The strength of these women existed not in their profession or position, but in how they lived.

I sense more and more in the cultural narrative these days an ultimatum for women to work AND care for their families. That this is what it means to be a strong women. Some women are "successful" at both endeavors. (I put "success" in quotes because the definition of success is really unique to the person.) Look at Sheryl Sandburg, for instance, who wrote a whole book about women and work. She writes about the tug-of-war between home and work, but shares about how she succeeded in both. Other women have written about the immensity of work left to women, and suggest talking to partners about how to balance the responsibility. I've read blogs from women who feel working makes them better mothers, and blogs from women who recognize that full-time working and mothering, or even wife-ing don't go together. Maybe culture needs to see that women are valuable and of equal worth whatever they decide to do with their time, whether at work, or in the home.

As a result of what I have seen, I would like to suggest that women have inherent worth, and that they have this worth whether or not they work outside the home. I believe that a strong woman is not one who breaks glass ceilings, but who searches her heart and is true to herself. For some, that means pursuing a career. For others, that means "sacrificing" a career to fulfill a calling to stay home and be the CEO of domestic duties and perhaps children. I don't believe that women have to have children to be valuable in stay-at-home or work pursuits, either. There is beauty in diversity, and I believe, a diversity in callings.

 In a nation that touts equality and demands tolerance, can we really say the future is female if we do not value all females in all their roles and all their places? I think not. All women are valuable. All women can be strong. The strength of women comes not from what they do or where they find themselves, but in who they are. Strength is a matter of heart, not position, and I hope society as a whole soon starts recognizing that.

Marriage Misnomers: Submission Means Domination.

I get quite a bit of push-back about my endorsement of traditional gender roles. When I say that I believe in complementarian roles, or even, gasp, that a woman's place might be at home (not that she can't work, but that her primary place of belonging is the home), people think that I'm for androcentrism or male chauvinism. They assume that I think women aren't as worthy or as equal in value as men, or even that I'm for male domination. Nope! I think that women have value. Equal value. And that submission is part of that created order.

What is submission? To me, it is realizing that God created men to lead families, home, and society. Argue with me if you want, but if marriage images Christ and the church, and the man is to imitate Christ, that means he leads. Christ saved me, not vice versa. I CAN'T save myself! Christ has to do it. And that makes Him, and thereby, my husband, the leader.

What does submission look like? It looks like attitude. It looks like respecting my husband and his role. It looks like appreciating my husband and his unique talents and abilities. It looks like recognizing that he has different responsibilities than I do. It looks like valuing him for him, and not wishing for him to be like me.

Submission also looks like action. It looks like putting off making decisions that will affect both my husband and I until I have talked to my husband. It looks like respecting and considering my husband's opinions and viewpoints when he shares them. It looks like not spending large amounts of our money before I ask my husband if he is in agreement with a purchase. It looks like defaulting to my husband's decision if we can't agree because in the end, before God, he bears the responsibility for the family.

Does submission look like domination? Maybe once in a while when he has to make a final decision. I find that last scenario very rare,  if at all, however, at least in my marriage. I am blessed with a husband who loves God and shows me love by respecting me and taking my opinions into account.

So how does submission look? Surprise! It often looks like respect for both women and men. It looks like valuing them equally because they have separate and different roles. It looks like women and men walking in their God given roles in both their attitudes and actions. And when that happens correctly, it results not in domination, but adoration, both of the other spouse and of the God who created spousal roles. God designed it that way!

I Lost Some Fitness and Gained Some Health.

If you have been reading this blog for awhile, you know I took several breaks from running last year, choosing to focus on other activities like strength and hiking. My body was stressed. I felt super tired. I kept reading about people saying that running could overtax an already stressed body, so I quit. I restarted with commitment to base building last November. I remembered how much I enjoy running and renewed my commitment to try to stay healthy enough to do it. I had some race goals, but knew I had to hold those lightly given the continued prevalence of COVID-19.

Enter January when I found a 5K race I thought my husband might like to do. I proposed the idea, and was delighted when he accepted the challenge to train for it. I put on my coach's hat, referenced a few different Couch to 5K plans and drafted a calendar for him. I thought that he would train himself, but as it were, we started training together. Initially, I would go for a run and then come back and run his shorter training distance with him as a cool down. As his distances increased, though I started running with him first, and then running a bit longer by myself at the end. That greatly decreased my pace per mile, but allowed me to support him as he built up his fitness. 

To my surprise, the more my husband and I ran together, the more I enjoyed it and the less I cared about my pace. The more I enjoyed the process of running with my husband, the more I prioritized it. If I was tired on the off days of running with him, I walked rather than ran. If I thought that a different fitness activity might affect running, I didn't do it. I hiked less, watched my weight lifting, and overall let go quite a bit of fitness.

Overall, from January to now, my 5K pace has decreased over a minute a minute. When I look at just the facts, I get a little bit frustrated. But then I think about what I have gained. I have enjoyed extra time with my husband. I have felt less obsessed with running and more appreciative of it. I have tuned into my body and its needs a bit more. I have started to value running more for its secondary social, emotional, and mental benefits than its primary physical benefits. On the whole, I feel in a more balanced place.

Registered Dietitian, recipe developer, and blogger Gena Hamshaw wrote earlier this year about the importance of perspective when it comes to our physical bodies. She shared,

It’s humbling to find ourselves in a different state of ability than the one we used to have. It’s natural to look backwards. But we’re human beings, not machines. We’re changing all the time, often mysteriously and in a way that defies expectations. The best we can do is to meet ourselves where we are and thank our bodies for continuing to give us a home.

A lot has happened since my "peak" level of fitness: a move, a new job, COVID, race cancellations, restrictions that led to a more sedentary life, personal and social tragedies, etc. I can mourn the level of fitness I once had or give thanks for the ability to engage. I can look with envy at my past stats, or think gratefully about the blessing it is to still be living at all after so many have lost their lives. I can resent running with my husband because it slows me down, or enjoy every extra minute of the time that he dedicates to running with me. I have choices about my perspective, and it is pretty apparent which choices benefit me most.

There is fitness, and then there is health. Fitness is primarily physical. Health is so much more. It is a unique interplay of relational, mental, emotional, social, spiritual and so many other factors. While I may have lost some physical fitness over the past year, I have gained so much more. I am grateful, and thankful to God, my body, and my husband for getting me here.

The COVID-19 Vaccine: Three Ethical Issues to Consider

Since I already wrote about getting dose one of the COVID vaccine, I figured I might as well share about dose two, or at least about some factors my husband and I considered before I entered into the vaccination process. My hope is that my post might promote critical thought by those who have not yet gotten the vaccine and are considering doing so.

*Please note that I am by no means an epidemiologist. I am certainly not the CDC and can give no medical advice. I am just sharing my experience and thought processes in this post.

1) Vaccine sourcing: This was my first concern when I found out that I was eligible to get the vaccine. I wanted to know what I was putting into my body. "Do no harm" is a common mantra in the medical field, and I did not want to violate it, even in getting a vaccine, a form of medicine. I found resources like The Charlotte Lozier Institute helpful in understanding where the vaccines came from and how they were developed.

2) Marital unity: My marriage is very important to me, and I wanted my husband to be on board with whatever decision I made about vaccination. Ultimately, based on my health, my job, and several other factors, we decided for me to try to get the vaccine. I needed my husband's support, because pro or con, he would experience the side effects of it, politically, publicly, socially, and relationally.

3) How getting the vaccine may effect others: We had much to consider in terms of how my vaccination would effect others. We understand that some are opposed to the vaccine, and we do not feel that it is our job to convince them to change their minds. We wanted to respect their position even as we asked them to respect ours. We sought advice from medically informed members of our family, but did not openly discuss our decision with others, at least until after I got vaccinated. We did not want to create stumbling blocks or rifts in our relationships.

In regards to vaccination, our primary concern was for my work and how my illness might affect the many families whom I serve. We felt that a vaccination that might protect me would enable me to keep serving, and therefore hopefully support society as a whole. This was a pro.

We also considered that I might get sick from the vaccine itself. That illness might be short term or long term, and it could certainly require my husband to take on extra responsibilities. This was a con. I could also have serious side effects, up to death, less likely, but still worth considering. When all was said and done, I did have a day of illness after dose two, minor in the grand scheme of things, but still something worth considering as it did require extra care and heavier duties for my husband.

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In the end, am I glad I got vaccinated? Yes. I am. It was the right decision for us. Is it the right decision for you? I don't know, but I urge you to consider the ethical issues and weigh your options. It is easy to make a snap decision based on a few factors, or on the opinions of others.. It is harder to weight all the possibilities and make an informed decision. Informed decisions matter, though, and since there are consequences for decisions, it is important to know that you made the right one for you, your friends, your family, and your faith.

Real Life Marriage: It's the Little Things Sometimes.

I am not a parent, but I work with a lot of parents, and in parenting there is the concept of "good enough." This is a research-based concept that says caregivers only need to meet infant needs 20-50% of the time to form a secure, or positive attachment. Sharing this concept helps take the pressure off parents to be perfect, allowing them to capitalize on moments, rather than stressing about the grand scheme of the child's life. And I have been thinking, what if this applies to marriage, too? What if marital strength is not the "more perfect union," but a constellation of strength built on the little things? The longer I am married, the more I think that it is the latter.

My husband and are living through what appears to be the beginning of a very intense season of our lives. We both have work and other commitments that add up to full-time, and often more than full-time jobs. That leaves early mornings, late nights, and weekends to do all of our personal stuff, complete chores, and spend time together. The time doesn't seem like it is enough. Lately, though, we have experienced some moments of connection that really mattered. They were just that, moments in the grand scheme of time, but still meaningful, and surprisingly strengthening for our marriage.

Over the Christmas holidays, my husband suggested buying bocce ball. He wanted an outside game, and we found a set we could afford and went for it. The purchase has already paid off, initiating longer walks to the park, sustained sunshine, and friendly competition in a game where there's enough chance that the win could come at the last minute. A "little" purchase? Yes, but one that paid off in a lot of quality time.

Another little thing that became a big thing was running. Long time readers and real life friends and family enjoy running. I have never insisted that my husband run, but do enjoy it when he runs with me. I recently found a 5K that I thought would interest him and proposed that he train to do it with me, not because he had to, but because we could share the activity. To my delight, he agreed. We did one run together before the event got delayed do to COVID, but it was the highlight of my day. Yes, running together disrupted my routine. Yes, it required me to run differently. Yes, it took time, but it was sweet time, time that I wouldn't give up. We're nearly to the finish line for our race, and runs with my husband are the highlights of my day, treasured time amidst the rat race of the rest of life.

There are big things in marriage, sure. Stellar dates, big accomplishments, anniversaries. Little things matter too, though. Little things can also become the big things that divide us, if we don't let them, if we aren't putting in the good little things as well. As Gary Chapman writes in The Four Seasons of Marriage, “Marriages either grow or regress; they never stand still.” Little things matter, especially in the busy seasons, and even outside those times. How we handle the little things determines if we get bitter or better in our marriages. I prefer the latter.

I Can't Be His Protector.

I feel my husband's pain. I should feel his pain if I am truly one with him. If I am honest, though, I don't like it. I am selfish. I continually find myself trying to prevent my husband's pain so that I don't feel it when, if anything, I should be trying to prevent pain for my husband's sake. Sometimes the pain I perceive is not real, or not real for him. It just hurts me, and I'm not willing to endure it for His Sake. On a grander scale, my actions to prevent my husband's pain are wrong when I am trying to take control over things God has given my husband to do. I am wrong when I try to take on my husband's role as protector. At the worst, I might be preventing my husband from learning what God has for him, from becoming who God wants Him to be. That I really don't want to do!

Where do I find myself stepping outside my role and trying to "save" my husband? Planning his schedule. Double checking his packing for trips. Nagging him about tasks. Basically treating him like a child when he is a capable, grown man. Ouch! Not what I intend to do, but where my unwillingness to cope with pain has led me.

I sometimes try to force my husband to do things that for my sake, too. I want him to take certain foods for lunch because I think he should, and because I don't want to cope with the anxiety of wondering if I provided appropriately for him. That's not appropriate. He is in charge of knowing what he needs, and I need to let him tell me what that is. When I force what I think he needs on him, I can cause his pain while trying to avoid pain myself. What a paradox!

What of my husband's biblical role as spiritual leader and protector? Do my attempts to protect him from all pain encourage him in his God-given role. Sadly, no. And if I am not working for my husband's good and sanctification, I am working against it. Convicting!

Gary Chapman writes about the perils of being overprotective of one's spouse in his book, The Marriage You've Always Wanted. He writes that a spouse doesn't need another father or mother, but rather a co-laborer, a supporter. Trying to rescue my husband from all potential pending doom does not fall in these categories. Do I want to support my spouse? Yes. Do I want to try to prevent pain where I can? Yes. Trying to prevent pain, all together, however, just isn't realistic or godly.

So what now? Now that I know for sure I cannot and should not try to be my husband's sole protector, the only thing that remains is for me to let him "fail" sometimes. That might look like actual failure, or just what I perceive of as less than the ideal I want for my husband. It is not that I want my husband to suffer, but that sometimes failure is part of learning. God is God and my intervening may be the "amateur providence" that Oswald Chambers warns against a potential cause of spiritual stagnation. I want my husband to grow. I want him to become who God wants him to be. That means I must stop trying to be his protector and grow myself, in my own toleration of pain and distress perhaps most of all. God is our protector. I must trust Him to protect both our hearts, souls, minds, and bodies. Only He is able to provide that kind of covering.

Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is

I always say that marriage is my priority, that I want to serve my husband above all else. Life lately has been putting my words to the test. I continue to do less and still lack time to do all that I want to do. Then my husband and I decided to do a version of the 10 minute daily challenge. That first night, I got really frustrated because I didn't get everything done that I wanted to do. I felt crappy. My old narratives of unworthiness arose. I realized I had to make a very real choice, though: choose my husband, choose to be; or choose to do. I could only do one.

As days have gone by, I have had to turn down more and more to fit in time with my husband: hiking, friend dates, and other things I wanted to do. We are just in a season where there is very little time. What time there is, I need to save for my husband, that is, if I want to put my money where my mouth is.

There are times, too, where I have to put real money where my mouth is. Sometimes I want something that isn't good for both of us. Sometimes the budget only allows so much, and I have to choose between alleviating my wants or contributing to something that is for the good of our marriage. Sometimes money I allotted for something else needs to be redirected. Decisions always have a cost. I have to spend on what matters to both of us.
Prioritizing is painful sometimes, but I guess that is what makes it prioritizing. It means sacrificing what I want in the moment for a greater goal. It means choosing where to exert my energies when I have very little. It means choosing to live in line with valuing marriage, even if it hurts, a lot.

Priorities get put to the test sometimes. This season of our lives seems to be test. I say that I want a good marriage. Now I get to live that out in real life.