Top Ten of 2022

I guess my top nine Instagram posts and top ten blog posts (primarily read on Facebook) have really started to diverge. My top nine was all about yoga, something I've done less of, but engaged more with on social media this year:

And the majority of my top ten blog posts had to do with marriage:

Real Life Marriage: Doing Love Wrong...Again!

Three R's for Rekindling Romance

100 Books

It Shouldn't Be This Way

Watching and Waiting with Expectancy

Couple Crafting

Real Life Marriage: Doing it Together

I'm Having a Reckoning.

What to Do? What to Do?

Marathon Marathon 2022 10K Recap

I don't know if people are just interested in my marriage, or if what I write resonates. Either way, I hope readers benefit.

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Until 2023...

Happy New Year!

Resolutions for This Time

I wrote these resolutions back in 2020, during my first bout with the COVID-19 virus. I based them on the John Piper book (2011), Don't Waste Your Cancer, and Jonathan Edwards' 65 resolutions. I have kept them posted on my bulletin board to remind myself to keep perspective when things do not go my way, particularly during illness. As my household, and many others, I gather, have faced illness again this Christmas, it seems appropriate to share these resolutions here:

Resolutions For This Time

1. Recognize my need (for The Savior).

2. Repent of known sins. (Resolve to avoid additional sins.)

3. Read the Bible daily. (Study some.)

4. Fulfill responsibilities (marriage, work, house, home, etc.)

5. Slow down/spend time (Reduce injury; build relationship).

6. Worship instead of worry. (Give thanks.)

7. Eat good food. (In general, just eat).

8. Keep to sleep. (Go to bed on time.)

9. Grieve (recognizing that any losses are temporal and not eternal).

10. Have fun (yoga, games, movies etc.).

If you are healthy, may you stay well.

If you are ill, may you rest.

May you heal.

May you make the most of this time,

because sick or not,

it is time we won't get back.

References:

Edwards, J. (2006). The resolutions of Jonathan Edwards. Desiring God. https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-resolutions-of-jonathan-edwards

Piper, J. (2011). Don't waste your cancer. Crossway.

Things That Steal My Joy

We bought a new refrigerator last week. It was not really a choice. Rather, it was a necessity because our old one quit working, like completely quit working. Our food was either frozen in our newly acquired chest freezer, or in coolers with ice packs on the cold outdoor porch. Not really a way to live, at least not in the 21st century.

My husband did a lot of research on fridges. He found budget, and not so budget options. Alone, I probably would have bought the cheapest, ugliest thing and lived with it. That's really not the best option, but that's probably what I would have done. My husband, however, knows value and quality. He encourages us, where we can, to buy things with functionality. I always benefit when we do.

So back to the refrigerator, we decided to spend a little more than bottom dollar and get a nicer fridge with more features. Granted, we could not afford the fridge we really wanted, but we could afford one from the scratched and dented store that would take a little work. It took a lot of work just to acquire the fridge, and then to haul it upstairs into our condo. I felt an immediate wave of relief when we did. But then the foreboding joy started. 

After all this work, we would not want to ever move this fridge out of our condo. We had put a lot of money into it, and would put more. We would spend more time and money programming it to meet our needs. And then someday leave it? Instead of celebrating, I started prematurely grieving. Alternately, I questioned. I questioned if we really needed this fridge. I questioned if we should have gotten a cheaper one. I had a mild case of buyer's remorse, all of which stole my joy.

What I needed was to be thankful. What I needed was to be grateful. What I needed was to live in the moment, to savor the relief, to savor having a way to refrigerate food again. To celebrate modern conveniences. To rejoice over the wonderful ways God provided. To congratulate my husband on his frugal find. To dream about possibilities. It was a struggle.

Maybe it's my personality. Maybe it's life. I don't know. What I do know is that I want joy, and that I allow a lot of things to take it from me. Feelings are feelings, but I choose what to do with them. As I notice and name my joy stealers, I hope I get better at stealing the joy back. There is enough of it in this life. God has given us that. We just have to take it.

Fair Doesn't Mean Equal: A Reprise

We are currently in the midst of a home renovation project. Am I doing a whole lot to help? Nope, not really. Is my husband doing the bulk of the labor? Yes, yes he is. I blogged about fairness and equality way back at the beginning of our marriage, and now the lesson comes again: Fair doesn't mean equal. 

I take care of quite a few everyday things around the house. I plan meals, do the majority of the grocery shopping, handle laundry, etc. I like doing these things, and I think it's part of my job as a supportive wife. My husband could do more of these things, and probably would, if I asked him, and if he had time. Generally, though, these are my tasks.

I sometimes get frustrated about all the things that I do around the house. It's not right. It's not godly. It's not admirable, but it's true. And then times like these come. My husband has worked most of every day, for days on end, at this project. I try to help in areas that I can, but those areas are very few. The work is far from equal or fair: He pulled out all of the flooring by himself. What did I do? I asked my mom to help me walk the removed flooring to the garbage. My husband put in the new flooring all by himself. What did I do? I moved a few things to try to make it easier. He has the knowledge and expertise for this project (know how to tap off a new water line for an ice maker anyone?), and I don't. He also has the strength. (How many trips did it take my mom and I to carry flooring to the garbage? Probably double or triple what it would have taken him. And I am incapable of moving or carrying appliances.) So I've been resting, encouraging, asking where I can help, and trying to stay out of the way. Although this is a project for us as a couple, it is mostly his project to do. In the moment, it is neither equal or fair.

Fair doesn't mean equal. Relationships have seasons. The weight of tasks come and go. This is one of many reasons commitment matters. Over time, things generally even out. If I take all the little things I do and stack them up against the hours my husband spends on big projects like this one, maybe, just maybe, things are fair or equal. In the moment, though, things can seem anything but fair, and that takes some working through. I am seeing that right now, and I hope I remember this lesson for the future, too.

Underneath the Couch

We had to move our couches this weekend. Pushing them to the side exposed big, nasty piles of dust and debris, along with a few "lost" items. Quite frankly, I felt embarrassed. I pride myself on keeping a clean house (which might be part of the problem), and this made me feel like a failure. Indeed, yes, if a perfectly clean house is the goal, I had failed. Failure left me feeling icky.

As I reasoned with myself, though, I reasoned that it is unwise to move the couches every week to clean under them. It is unwise for physical reasons, and for time reasons. I am not really strong enough to move couches, so I could get injured, and it doesn't make sense to spend the time it would take every week. Not moving the couches, though, leaves me needing to reckon with the mess.

I reckon that the mess reminds me that I am not perfect. The mess reminds me that something good enough has to be good enough. The mess reminds me that everyone has stuff they cover up. Sometimes it's good to look under the couch. Sometimes it's not.

Looking under the couch might look like getting real and vulnerable with friends or family about struggles. That happened in conjunction with the couch moving. I was at a near breaking point and had to talk to my mom about it. When she and my dad came down to help, she also saw the mess under the couches. Life is like that sometimes. It exposes our stuff. 

There are times are not good to look under a couch, too. Times I need to run out the door. Times when moments are limited. Times I need to invest in friends and family rather than navel-gazing. Times when my ego-strength is not strong enough to endure more introspection. Times that just aren't "right."

In my home and in my life, there were always be stuff "under the couch." It takes wisdom to know when to look and when not to look. It takes trust in God's sovereignty to deal with the stuff that emerges when I am not looking. May God grant both, as I am sure I will have many more opportunities in this life to see what's "underneath the couch."

All the Lights

I have a thing for Christmas lights. Growing up, my dad often drove us around different neighborhoods to see lights. In my teens, the city filled a park with lights and dubbed it the Valley of Lights. We would go every year...multiple times. Now as an adult, I still look for any and every chance I can to see Christmas lights. This year might take the cake.

The day after Thanksgiving, we went to the Mesa Christmas tree lighting.

Then we went to Lights at the Farm, a walk-through, synchronized light show.

Next, we went and saw the Mesa Temple Christmas lights.

Then we went to the drive through Rockin' Christmas synchronized light show.

And to the Fantasy of Lights boat parade.

Are we done yet? I don't know. We might have gone overboard on seeing lights this year, but it's sure been fun!

Real Life Marriage: The Christmas Tree

I like Christmas. Really, I do! But I also find Christmas very, very overwhelming. Like the Christmas boxes, the Christmas decorations, the Christmas tree! When I was on my own, I had a little mini tree from Walmart, and a strand of lights. That was it. Now we have a big, beautiful six-footer with lights, ornaments, and a tree skirt in our living room! I spent all of about half on hour on the tree, though. My husband did the rest. That was one of his gifts to me in this Christmas season.

Eve Rodsky (2021), in her book Fair Play writes about the mental load of household tasks. I am a person who really feels that. Just keeping food in the refrigerator, meals on the table, and the laundry sometimes seems daunting. While I like Christmas and its decorations, they are just one more thing to do, and I do not do them well. This year, I just didn't. I let my husband do them.

A crucial component of the fair play system that Rodsky (2019) writes about is that each partner takes a task and handles all of it. That means that each person conceives, plans, and executes (Gregoire, 2020). I thought of that as I let my husband decorate. He decided he would do it. He is is good at it. I was going to let him do it!

Choosing to let my husband decorate did come with some costs, though. He organizes differently than I do. He unpacks differently than me. The unpacking process does not bother him like it does me. If I was letting him do the task, though, I shouldn't come behind and reorganize. Or clean up. He had a system, and I needed to leave it.

As it stands, we have a beautiful tree in our living room, lovely decorations on various mantles, and an office that eventually got emptied of Christmas boxes. The only overwhelm I faced was those boxes, and for a limited time. The mental load was next to nil. While I did tidy the boxes in the office some so I could move around while they were there, otherwise, I let things be. My husband took the task. He was in charge of it. I am benefiting, and focusing on that beautiful Christmas tree, I don't have to see much else. Maybe there is something to letting people take a task, the whole task if they are willing, and just enjoying life in the meantime.

References:

Gregoire, S.W. (2020, June 2).Bare marriage. https://baremarriage.com/2020/06/the-fair-play-system-conception-planning-execution/

Rodsky, E. (2019). Fair play: A game-changing solution for when you have too much to do (and more life to live). G.P. Putnam's Sons.

When the Same Words Mean Different Things

We have been having a discussion about words in our house. I ask my husband how I can care for him. He states that he doesn't want to be cared for. He wants to be supported. I want to be cared for. He doesn't always know how to do that for me. We're speaking the same language, but we're speaking differently.

My husband wants my support. He wants me behind him. He appreciates it when I do things for him. Care to him, though, means that he is inadequate, that he is somehow unable to take care of himself. When I use that word, it offends him, demeans him. It is not my intent, but that is the message my care delivers.

I, on the other hand, can get offended when my husband says he doesn't want to be cared for. I feel that it demeans my service and love. When he says he does not want to be cared for, I feel like he is saying he doesn't want me to do what I think a godly wife should do. That makes me feel inadequate. That's not what he's saying. Our words just mean different things.

To further complicate the matter, we need different things. I want to be cared for and supported. I wanted to be valued, treasured, and doted on as well as supported. I don't want to be treated as am imbecile, but the reality is that I am "the weaker partner" (New International Version, 2011, 1 Peter 3:7). I need care and support because I really can't do life on my own. It's just the way God made me. God, in his grace, gave me a husband who can do these things, but communicating it is a whole different struggle.

Support and care are both important in a marriage. What they mean, though, can differ by spouse, and by relationship. We are figuring out what they mean in our marriage. We are discovering that the same word can mean different things. Maybe eventually we will get on the same page, but for now, we are trying to learn how to honor our differences so that we can love well, and love better. To God be the glory.

Sometimes You Have to be Cold for Jesus.

My grandfather baptized me in the creek near our home when I was somewhere between the ages of eight and ten. I remember wading out into the chilly water, shivering while he gave his brief talk. Somewhere in there, he said, "Sometimes you have to be cold for Jesus." I am not really sure why he said that, and looking back, I am not sure where he was in his own relationship with Jesus at the time. Still, those words stuck with me.

I thought of those words they day I found myself shivering at the graveside of a college friend's grandmother. I had driven my friend and I there in a borrowed car. It was rather outrageous thing to do, but I believed that God wanted me to do it. So I did. Sometimes you have to be cold for Jesus.

I have been in relationships and relational settings where people were cold. When called to be there, though, faith compelled me to stay. Sometimes you have to be cold for Jesus.

Two of our elders at church recently preached from Hebrews 5:8, about how Jesus learned obedience through suffering. Jesus, perfect though he was, had to gain the experiencing of earthly suffering in order to be a perfect substitute for our sins. He probably got cold in his 33 years of life on earth, and her certainly experienced frigid responses from people.

Being cold in a temperature sense, or even in a relational sense, is small suffering compared to what Jesus suffered on the cross. It is "light" in comparison with the persecution believers endure around the world. Still, it is a struggle, and one that reminds me that following Jesus is a choice. My baptism was my confession of my choice, and to this day, those words, "Sometimes you have to be cold for Jesus" remind me of it.

Lessons Learned in Three Years of Home Ownership

Three years of home ownership! Let's just say I've learned a few things:

1. Have an emergency fund.

2. Catching a hot water heater leak early is good. Paying for repairs for the neighbor's is bad.

3. Have an emergency fund. 

4. It's often cheaper to buy new than renew. (And tearing apart a stackable washing machine is a mess!)

5. Have an emergency fund.

6. Replacing an air conditioner is expensive.

7. Have an emergency fund.

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In all seriousness, I am so thankful for our home and still glad to be here, but man, owning a home and paying for its repairs and upkeep is expensive. Have an emergency fund. That's my advice. And make it bigger than you think you need. That's my advice after three years of home ownership. Hopefully I will have some better advice to offer after the next three years. We will see....

2022 Mesa Turkey Trot

I have run, but not trained since my last 10K. I did not plan to do hard workouts or any races until after the new year. When we decided to stay home for Thanksgiving and our city advertised the oldest turkey trot in Arizona, well, I had to sign up! I haven't raced a 5K in years, so I decided to just go and give it what I got. It turned out better than I expected.

Race day conditions: 50's and windy

Course: Flat, around a park, and a little short 

Goals: 

A: 8:30/minute

B: 27:00 (8:41/minute)

C: 30 minutes or under

Before the race:

I only did three speed workouts before this event: (0.25 mile slow, 0.25 mile fast) x 2 for a mile November 15; sprint intervals November 19; and regular intervals November 21. Other than that, I have been running very low mileage and doing Nourish, Move, Love strength workouts. I told myself I would be slow, but then also told myself that mindset matters as much as anything else, and I wanted to give it my best shot!

I spent most of the day before the race cooking. This was not the best idea, but what I needed to do to prep for hosting the next day. This race started at 8:30 am, which is later than I usually run. I debated trying to eat a full breakfast, but decided that I should heed advice to "not do anything different on race day" and stick with my banana and 8 oz of water. I did this about an hour and a half before the run. It was cold and windy after we picked up my packet, but I tried to stay warm. I did a five minute jog about half an hour before start time, and the wind was intimidating! I just went with it and made my last minute bathroom stop before moving to the start line. Since the start line was open, I was able to wear my hoodie until the last minute. That helped a lot! (Thanks to my husband for being the gear holder!)

(Photo courtesy of Start Line Racing)

Mile 1:

We started slow. It was a walk just to get over the start line, and then people were slow. The first jag was a down and back, and I jogged outside the cones to try to get around people. That meant facing the people coming back. Not the best idea! My phone read fast (under 8 minutes a mile) and then slow (8:30 plus). I was breathing pretty hard, so just kept at it. I remembered Run for PR's (2022) advice to not go out too fast, and I tried to stick with it. It was a bit of a struggle to get to half way through the race. I forgot about my splits. I was breathing hard, saw my pace at 8:36/mile or so and wanted to go faster. I told myself to wait until mile two.

(Photo courtesy of Start Line Racing)

Mile 2:

I told myself to keep working. This was a short race, and I could do it! I started trying to pick people off while waiting for 2.6, at which point I told myself to give it all I had. My chest was burning some here.

I saw what I thought was the finish line as I came around a corner. I started to gun it, thinking I could make it. Then I heard the volunteers saying, "Turn left." I remembered that the finish was different than the start. As I turned the corner, I also say that I needed to make a turn to make it back to the finish. I honestly was not sure I could make it. I started feeling nauseous. I told myself to keep going.

Mile 3 and finish: 

The course came up a bit short, at 3:03. I debated trying to run the 3.1, but there wasn't really room. I also felt pretty awful. I wondered if I would do the "real runner" thing and throw up, but I didn't. I looked down and saw 8:16 a mile as my Runkeeper pace. I felt pretty happy with that and planned to find my husband and go home.

(Photo courtesy of Start Line Racing)

After the Race:

This was a pretty big race, and I did not expect to place. I saw the podium set up, though, and I have never gotten to stand on a podium, so I checked my results. (Props to Start Line racing for the ability to check results online instantaneously!) It looked like I got second place in my age group! I was psyched and asked my husband to stay for the awards ceremony, despite the fact that it would delay our breakfast and Thanksgiving prep. I stretched some and we waited. After I got my medal, we departed.

My arms hurt some after the race, specifically my biceps. I guess I was using them hard to propel myself forward? My chest also felt tight for a while. I really crashed after eating breakfast, but you know what? It was worth it!

Concluding Thoughts:

I have learned a lot about running over the past year or so. Polarized training works! Strength helps. It really is possible (and now necessary, for me) to eat before I run and still perform. I think I am really a lower mileage runner. Overall, I am just so thankful, an appropriate sentiment for a turkey trot with a tagline, "Today I run with gratitude for..."

References:

Run 4 PRs Coaching [@Run4PRs]. (2022, November 23). Anyone racing a turkey trot tomorrow? Share our tips with your family & friends! [Instagram photograph]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/run4prs/?hl=en

A Longer Table

My husband and I have a moderately small condo. Two years ago, we hosted my parents for Thanksgiving. Two guests are a comfortable amount. This year, it was our turn to host again, and we wanted to invite more people. Our table is small, and we only have four chairs, but we decided to see who would come and make it work. We did not want space to limit our hospitality.

Out of all we invited, only four (two being my parents) people came. When we added the built-in leaf, our table was big enough; we just lacked chairs. No problem. My husband and I stood. It was  small sacrifice that allowed us to enjoy our dinner, and our company. 

Some unknown person said  “When you have more than you need, build a longer table, not a higher fence." We don't need to build a fence. Our complex has taken care of what we need. We added a leaf to our table, and that ended up being all we need on the table. This holiday was a good lesson in faith and trusting God though. If God says invite, He will provide-longer table, bigger table, or whatever it is. He is sufficient!

All The Things That Were Good

The night of my car accident, my Mom reminded me that God can work out all things together for good for those who love Him (Rom 8:28). I don't know if she told me to look for the good, or if I just thought about it, but the sentiment stuck with me. This journey of car accident, car loss, and finding a new car has been hard, really hard. We grieve. We have pain, and yet God, in his grace, has still allowed me to see a lot of things that were good:

The accident was close to our home, which meant my husband could walk to the scene to support my friend and I.

The accident was at rest, versus moving at fast rates of speed.

Police dispatch answered my call.

The police came quickly.

The police were professional.

My husband drove the wrecked car home so I did not have to.

I already had an easy dinner planned that took little to no time to prepare after the accident.

My husband told me he loved me a lot after the accident.

I was able to call my parents for advice.

No immediate medical attention was necessary.

I was able to get some sleep that night despite sleep struggles.

I was not too sore in the morning.

My neighbor recommended a chiropractor.

Our insurance was able to help us get a rental car.

I was able to get a rental car the first day I needed to go back to work.

My workplace was gracious with my schedule.

I had sick time to cover hours of work missed.

My husband's friend helped him take the car to the shop.

When the insurance totaled the car, they gave us more money than I paid for it four years ago.

I felt peace from the Lord about finding a car online.

Looking for a car online led to several dead ends, that led us to more affordable cars.

The California car we planned to buy sold out from under us, which made us look local.

My husband did not have to fly to California to get us a car.

The local car that wasn't ready lead us to look at an SUV.

The SUV was in our price range.

The SUV was immediately ready.

The car salesman was nice.

My parents taught me to save, and we had just enough in our savings account to comfortably cover the increased cost of the SUV over the insurance amount.

We got to drive the car home that day.

We got to turn in the rental car a day earlier than expected, saving us some money.

We got to drop rental car insurance, which also saved money.

We can give stuff from our old car to my parents, who have a similar car.

The car we bought is three years newer than ours.

The new car has 30,000 less miles than ours did.

Lord willing, this car will last us further into the further than the one we had.

Lord willing, we are DONE car shopping for awhile.

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I am sure that's not all the things that are good, because we are not omniscient like God. There is still grief. This is still hard, but we are thankful.

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Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate!

The Apple Recipe Round-Up

I guess I just haven't been baking as much this year, but still, it's fall, y'all, so gotta share all the autumnal recipes. Here's the apple edition:

Easy microwave apple mugcake (Oats Lady)

Apple pie blended baked oats (Upbeet Kitchen)

Apple cheddar superhero muffins (Rise and Run cookbook)

Mellow apple pancakes (The Flavor of Wisconsin cookbook)

Small batch apple granola (One Dish Kitchen)

Russian red cabbage with apples (Easy Vegetarian Slow Cooker cookbook)

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Has anyone gone apple picking lately? I haven't, but it sounds fun! Feel free to share your favorite apple adventures and/recipes in the comments section.

Afghan 74

Another afghan off the bucket list. This is the the Oliver baby blanket from Edie Eckman. I used a chain of 121 and chose Red Heart spring green, Mainstays white, Red Heart royal blue yarn for my colors. (I used my ergonomic J hook again.) I accidentally forgot row two of the border, but otherwise, I think I made this as written. It was pretty easy, and worked up quickly with the half double crochet. My finished size came out to be 32 by 36 inches.

*Special thanks to our dinner guest who helped me unravel the royal blue yarn to get this finished!

Real Life Marriage: "The One"

A lot of people talk about knowing a person to be "the one" before they even started dating. I don't know about that. I definitely didn't know my husband was "the one" when we started dating four years ago this day. I just knew that he was a person I liked, felt attracted to, and valued, and for me, the relationship had to become something, or I had to move away. I was getting too attached.

When we got married, though, I committed to my husband being the one. In my vows, I told him that I chose him, and would always choose him. Between that and a covenant marriage, I gave myself no outs.

Attachment does change. I am sure there are quite a few people out there who said someone was "the one," and then it fell through. Those aren't the people talking, though. The people talking are the ones who are still twitter-pated over their love, in love with love, and in love with their lovers. Their sweet stories are the ones people want to hear.

Marriage is an opportunity to write a sweet story, though. Marriage is an opportunity to choose, to love well, to forsake all others, to be ONE. Marriage is an opportunity to glorify God, the One who made men and women and made marriage. Marriage is a high calling, a holy calling. Ideally, I only get one shot at it. I pray I do it well.

Grief Part 2: It’s "Just" A Car

There’s the grief of true loss, the grief of giving up, and then there’s the grief of losing things that “aren’t important,” like cars.

Four years ago, I was in a three car accident and my almost brand new car required over half of what I paid for it in repairs. Fast forward to last month when I got rear-ended again* worse, and my car was totaled. I knew to expect that, but had a little hope after my insurance agent said it looked fixable. I got the estimate and though it was almost equal to Kelly Blue Book value, it still looked like they would fix it. I breathed a sigh of relief and even wrote getting the car back and wrapping up accident stuff as a goal for November. Then I got the call that the car was indeed totaled. Insurance would give us decent money for the car, but we had to sign over the title, mail off the keys, and call the body shop to tell them to send it off. I felt a sense of loss.

This was the first (almost new) car I ever bought. It was the first car I bought as a working professional. The car held lots of memories, from work trips, to doctor travels, to our honeymoon, to my daily commutes. It was a really nice car, and I worked hard to keep it that way (minus the one fender scratch I got because of my bad parking skills). I felt comfortable in that car. And now it was gone. I wouldn’t ever even drive it again.

Now we needed to look for a new car, too. That brought on new grief: grief of time that I planned to use to do other things. Buying a new car isn’t quick. Nor are licensing, tagging, emission checks, etc. Grief upon grief.

It’s just a car. It’s not a place, or a person, or even a possession that has immense value. Although a car can enable kingdom work, I know I can’t take it to heaven. Even yet, I still feel grief. May God guide me through it, because man, this grief is piling up. "Just" grief or not, it's still grief, and it's painful.

*My passenger and I are sore, but okay. This accident could have been much worse, and we praise God for his provision in and through it, even with the grief.

Things I No Longer Do

'Tis the season to simplify. There are lots of things that I used to do, that I used to enjoy doing, that I don't do anymore. Priorities change in different seasons. In case it's helpful for your own recalibration, here are some things I've recently let go of (and what I've replaced them with, where applicable):

Researching and celebrating national holidays based on the National Day Calendar (Fun but I'm celebrating getting through each day a lot of days right now)

Reading every blog post by my favorite writers (Some of the stuff I don't need to know)

Extensive research pursuits (I find what I need to know to solve the problem at hand and move on)

Google searching for recipes (I used cookbooks instead.)

Making complicated recipes (Remember, simplifying?)

Browsing at the grocery store ("Get in and get out" is my motto most of the time!)

Thumbing through catalogs that come in the mail (It's not worth my time and can breed discontent.)

Watching movies on a regular basis (Shows are shorter and easier to pick up or let go.)

Listening to the radio (I would rather learn by listening to podcasts.)

Writing and mailing cards (This I mostly let go do to the pain of handwriting caused by focal dystonia. I still enjoy Facebook messaging and/or e-mailing people on their special days, though!)

Reaching out to friends who don't respond (I really hate this one! I'd like to keep up with people regardless of their response, but the truth is, I really don't have time. Friendships have seasons, too.)

Letting go, for me, has been gradual. In most of these cases, I didn't make a resolution not to do things. They just slowly faded in presence and prevalence. It's okay. Life is still okay. I still find joy. It just looks different.

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Readers, anything you've stopped doing recently? Why have you stopped doing it? And what are you doing instead? Please feel free to share in the comment section.

The Annual Pumpkin Recipe Roundup

It's that time again! Time for the annual fall pumpkin recipe roundup. I haven't been as intentional about making pumpkin things this year, but for what's it worth, here are the recipes I have tried.

Pumpkin spice creamer (Kim's Cravings)

Pumpkin superhero muffins (Rise and Run cookbook)

Chocolate pumpkin granola (Family Food on the Table)

Cinnamon pumpkin granola (Le Creme de la Crumb)

Pumpkin bars (The Flavor of Wisconsin cookbook)

And too many pumpkin mug cakes to list individually....

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Readers, have you found any new fall recipes? Or do you have tried and true favorites? Please share in the comments section.

Living with Intention

I tried to tune into my intuition for quite some time. Then it stopped working for me so well. I needed something else, but not a program or a policy. Rather, I needed a habit, or a series of habits: something to help me stay grounded and focus on what matters, but nothing too restrictive. What I stumbled into was living with intention.

My life is very harried and busy right now. It's hard to even get to the basics sometimes. In a perfect world, I could tune in to what I wanted for dinner each night, run to the grocery store, pick up ingredients, and come home and leisurely cook. But I'm married. I work ten hours days. I commute. That just isn't going to happen. So I meal prep. That ensures that we have food, like it intuitively or not.

Deciding what I want to do for exercise each day is a lovely idea, but races require training. That's why I use training plans. Sure, I can take rest days, or go slower or faster on days I feel like it, but the plans keep me on track overall.

I'd love to say I want to read my Bible and pray every day, but the truth is, I'm a sinner and I don't always want to. I do daily devotions as a habit because I know it's good for me.

Some people in the intuitive living sphere criticize calorie and macro counting because it's based on the system, not the self. I get it. With running, though, it can help to track these things, at least loosely. Endurance requires intentional effort towards nutrition.

I have a FitBit watch. It does buzz when I haven't gotten in my 250 steps for the hour. Do I always obey it? No. It does help me stay more active, and therefore have less bodily pain.

I could ask all day long what I need and want, but right now, I don't have the brain space for that. So I have intentions: intentions for meals, intentions for exercise, intuitions for habits. I even have lists of intentions for how I plan to show love to my husband. Intentions are my plans for making the best of this life I have. Maybe this is not best way, but for now, it's the best way I have.

Why I'm Less Into Intuitive Living These Days

I was really into intuitive living for a while: intuitive eating, intuitive exercise, etc. It was a good phase. It was a phase of questioning the world's messages and getting to know myself better. It helped me clarify my values. I'm less into it now, though. It's just not working for me.

Life is too busy right now to truly tap into intuition. I just need to have a plan and go. While it might be good to pause and check in with myself, asking what I really want here and now can lead to decision fatigue. Habits and routines are serving me better.

I am also thinking more about sin, and how my nature is inherently fallen. Do I really want to listen to my intuition, if my intuition is fallen? Opposing those who believe humans always know what is best for themselves, John Koessler (2003) writes, "We don’t always know what is good for us. Following our natural desires may move us further away from spiritual maturity rather than closer to it” (p. 123). If my life is about living for Jesus, living for myself, I want to be about maturity, and that might mean less intuition.

I do still try to listen to my body when it tells me it is sick, hungry, or tired. As Jess Connolly (2022) says, "This is a good body," in that God made it. God designed our bodies to work well. He designed people to understand their bodies and care for them. There are still some vestiges of that good left. Sometimes I get to honor what my body tells me. Sometimes I have to push through. It's called life.

I tend to do things in extremes. I was disciplined to my detriment, and then I was probably more navel-gazing than needed. I hope I am a little more realistic these days, about what I can and can't do, and about who I am as a sinner being sanctified by my Savior. I am less into intuitive living as a lifestyle, but maybe, just maybe, I'm getting closer to just living the life I have. For me, that would be a win.

References:

Connolly, J. [@breakingfreefrombodyshame]. (2022, July 29). Know what is the one thing that can still send me into a shame spiral? [Instagram photograph]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/p/CgmnrleL9Qj/?hl=en.

Koessler, J. (2003). True discipleship: The art of following Jesus. Moody Publishers.

Prioritization: The Grief of Giving Up

My heart filled with sorrow as I drove to the grocery store, and anger. No, no one had died. No one had even gotten hurt. I just wasn't getting to do what I wanted. I wasn't getting to do what I wanted how I wanted. I was prioritizing and I believed that I was putting the most important things first, but I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all.

My husband told me the night before that I needed to give some things up. Everything wasn't a priority. He wasn't wrong. I had told him my plate was too full, and his reply was that I needed to take some things off of it. A logical answer. But I didn't want it.

There is grief in giving things up, even if that's what I need to do. I don't think anyone ever told me that when they taught me about prioritizing. They said to do the important things. They made it sound easy to give up the "unimportant" things. They didn't tell me that I'd be attached to those things, that I'd want them almost as much, or more as I wanted the "important things." That I'd grieve.

So there I sat in my car, alternately sad and angry. Sad because I was giving things up. Angry because I didn't want to. Judging myself for getting so bent out of shape for such "little things." But that's life for you. It's never as easy as "they" make it out to be. It's hard. It's filled with grief, little "g" grief and big "G" Grief. And grief has to co-exist with priorities. I'm just now learning that.

Healthy Red Velvet Overnight Oatmeal

It's been a long time since I posted an oatmeal recipe. I know! I still eat it almost every day. I just don't experiment as much, hence no new recipes to post. This time, though, I have something for you: a way to get in your fruits, veggies, carbs, and protein all in one. Feel free to portion this recipe to meet your needs.

Ingredients:

1 c water
1 fresh beet
1 c unsweetened applesauce
1 c rolled oats
4 T cocoa powder
2 t cinnamon
4 scoops protein powder* 

*I use the plant protein powder from Winco and each scoop is about 3 T.

Directions:

1. Pierce the beet. Place it in a bowl and cover it gently. Microwave 5-10 minutes, or until done. Let cool slightly.
2. Place the beet and 1 c water in a high powered blender and blend until smooth.
3. Mix together the remaining ingredients and divide portions based on your needs.
4. Refrigerate overnight.
5. Top with vanilla Greek yogurt, if desired for a true red velvet experience.

This recipe was inspired by Flora and Vino's red velvet overnight oats with raspberry puree and Rise and Run's red velvet superhero muffins.